I've not been on the site for a while and have just got back from a wonderful 2 week break in France. My good friend who quite happily looked after my Dad while I was away has just phoned me with a few concerns. Sorry folks, this could be a long one.
History - Dad has had dementia for a few years now tho isn't so bad that he can't do the basics for himself. He has no short term memory, no logical thought and has recently started to hear music which the doc has now given him medication for. He's convinced that his neighbour is deliberately playing the music and has a vendetta going against him. I have to go along with this as he gets really aggressive with me if I question it. He refuses all help from social services or any other source as he thinks that there's no need for any other help because I can do everything for him. He got rid of his gardener as again, if I'm around then I can do the garden for him. I had to reduce my hours at work earlier this year to be able to clean, garden, shop, wash and iron for him and do the other things that he needs doing so that I have time to be able to get things done in my own home. The loss of some of my salary is starting to tell on me now, despite my partner trying to pick up the tab for this. Dad has also been 'doing without' if he has to pay for things (he's back in the 1940's for the price of things) so I have to pay for all his shopping, clothes, bedding, feed his dog, pay for vets bills, and am having to pay for his new glasses following his cararact removal because he won't pay for them himself. He insists that I take him £450 cash every month - he's on a good occupational pension - which he then squirrels away despite many warnings that he shouldn't have so much money in the house which of course then leads to more aggression towards me. He likes to be able to 'see and count' his money.
My friend is the only person he'll see other than me, the rest of my family have been rejected by him so happily have no dealings with him, and he absolutely adores my friend. While I was away, he showed her what she thought amounted to a few thousand £'s that he'd hidden around the house, telling her not to tell me because he's convinced that I steal his money. He told her that I've stolen everything out of his bank account because he doesn't see it any more, that I shout at him all the time and make him do things he doesn't wnt to do. He also announced that he doesn't trust my partner because he steal his tools and can't understand why I'm with him because my partner also shouts at him all the time.
I've had quite a difficult time with him over the last few months and assumed it was because I've had to take him backwards and forwards to hospital and the doctor which he never wants to do so I feel like I'm having to force him out of the house. Seem like the real reason he's being difficult is because he doesn't trust me. I'm really hurt by this as he's costing me and my partner quite a substantial amount of money each month, plus I now seem to spend my work time trying to fit a full time job into part time hours then run back to cope with Dad before I can get back to my own home, plus spend most of my weekends sorting him out.
After hearing all this I'm now serously thinking about going back to work full time and Dad will have to put up with care being bought in whether he likes it or not and pay for it himself (it comes cheaper by the hour than I do!) I'm now at the point where I want to lose some of the responsibility if that's what he really thinks of me. Given that he's actually my step dad and was an absolute swine to me until I left home, I'm very tempted to do it. I've got a feeling that in his mind he's reverted back to those times where he resented Mom's children being around spoiling things for him.
HELP!!!!!
AJay
History - Dad has had dementia for a few years now tho isn't so bad that he can't do the basics for himself. He has no short term memory, no logical thought and has recently started to hear music which the doc has now given him medication for. He's convinced that his neighbour is deliberately playing the music and has a vendetta going against him. I have to go along with this as he gets really aggressive with me if I question it. He refuses all help from social services or any other source as he thinks that there's no need for any other help because I can do everything for him. He got rid of his gardener as again, if I'm around then I can do the garden for him. I had to reduce my hours at work earlier this year to be able to clean, garden, shop, wash and iron for him and do the other things that he needs doing so that I have time to be able to get things done in my own home. The loss of some of my salary is starting to tell on me now, despite my partner trying to pick up the tab for this. Dad has also been 'doing without' if he has to pay for things (he's back in the 1940's for the price of things) so I have to pay for all his shopping, clothes, bedding, feed his dog, pay for vets bills, and am having to pay for his new glasses following his cararact removal because he won't pay for them himself. He insists that I take him £450 cash every month - he's on a good occupational pension - which he then squirrels away despite many warnings that he shouldn't have so much money in the house which of course then leads to more aggression towards me. He likes to be able to 'see and count' his money.
My friend is the only person he'll see other than me, the rest of my family have been rejected by him so happily have no dealings with him, and he absolutely adores my friend. While I was away, he showed her what she thought amounted to a few thousand £'s that he'd hidden around the house, telling her not to tell me because he's convinced that I steal his money. He told her that I've stolen everything out of his bank account because he doesn't see it any more, that I shout at him all the time and make him do things he doesn't wnt to do. He also announced that he doesn't trust my partner because he steal his tools and can't understand why I'm with him because my partner also shouts at him all the time.
I've had quite a difficult time with him over the last few months and assumed it was because I've had to take him backwards and forwards to hospital and the doctor which he never wants to do so I feel like I'm having to force him out of the house. Seem like the real reason he's being difficult is because he doesn't trust me. I'm really hurt by this as he's costing me and my partner quite a substantial amount of money each month, plus I now seem to spend my work time trying to fit a full time job into part time hours then run back to cope with Dad before I can get back to my own home, plus spend most of my weekends sorting him out.
After hearing all this I'm now serously thinking about going back to work full time and Dad will have to put up with care being bought in whether he likes it or not and pay for it himself (it comes cheaper by the hour than I do!) I'm now at the point where I want to lose some of the responsibility if that's what he really thinks of me. Given that he's actually my step dad and was an absolute swine to me until I left home, I'm very tempted to do it. I've got a feeling that in his mind he's reverted back to those times where he resented Mom's children being around spoiling things for him.
HELP!!!!!
AJay