Starting to need help at home?

[Titch68]

My mum has early stage dementia and Alzheimer’s. She is a widow, lives abound a mile from me & hubby, and generally manages well at home, but is starting to forget medication, eating meals and often falls asleep in front of the tv. I am disabled and don’t drive, but hubby is great, often cooks extra portions so she can have a homemade dinner, and we go round fairly often. We also have an iPad set up facing her in the lounge, it automatically answers so that we can FaceTime her anytime. Recently I have had to ring/FaceTime her morning and evening to make sure that she takes her tablets. I often get “I was just about to take them!” I feel incredibly guilty if I haven’t rung, but I, and my 3 brothers think it would be safer for her if we arranged for a career to visit 2x a day, just to ensure she has breakfast, tablets, and take a meal out of the freezer. She doesn’t really want it, but accepts that she forgets and falls asleep. She will need to pay privately, as she has savings above the upper limit.
Should we now instigate a care needs assessment? Does it sound reasonable to start bringing carers in, as she will undoubtedly get worse? Please can anyone advise? I would be grateful ?

 

[Violet Jane]

Yes, it does sound reasonable to bring carers in twice a day, particularly if you can’t actually see your mother taking her tablets. It’s all very well her saying that she was about to take them but if you don’t see her take them she might forget after the call has ended.

If your mother is self-funding you don’t need to go through Social Services; you can just approach an agency yourself. Agencies that provide personal care are inspected by the CQC. However, if there is any disagreement in the family about the need for paid care then it might be wise to go through Social Services with a view to getting a recommendation that a care package is needed.

It is good to get people in at an early stage as this will get your mother used to help from outside the family, which will almost certainly be needed as the dementia progresses.

Most people with dementia are resistant to carers / sitters / day centres / respite care etc and if you ask them to agree to these things they will inevitably say ‘no’. So, you just have to go ahead and put these things in place otherwise nothing will change.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Titch68 and welcome to Dementia Talking point.
I think getting carers in to check your mum has taken her medicine and check that she's eaten sounds very sensible. It would mean that when you Facetime her you can chat about other things rather than reminding her about medication. It'll also mean when she does need more care she is used to carers coming in. The only problem might be if she refuses to accept the carers when it comes to it, my mother flatly refused any help at home even though she admitted it would sometimes be useful. However I think it's probably worth trying, and members who have managed to get their loved ones to accept carers will be along shortly with their tips.
Do you have Lasting Power of Attorney because if you do you could just go ahead and organise carers. If you don't then it's worth getting that sorted first.
Now that you've found us do have a look round the site, it is a very supportive community and you'll find lots of support and advice here.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome from me too @Titch68.

I too think it would be a good idea to get carers to prompt medication and make sure she has a meal. If she isn’t going to be self funding this factsheet might be of help -

Assessment for care and support in England

What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Jenny E]

Hi this has been helpful. Can you offer any advice on how to persuade my parents to accept carers at home and a cleaner? They are mid- late 80s and both have a dementia diagnosis. My brother & I call most days to do shopping & household tasks and take them out when we can. My Mum is in charge of the medication for them both & can cook a microwave ready meal. She has stop using the oven after getting burnt a few times. They have been assessed by social care services (Northern Ireland) and offered carers (& Dad was offered a day centre) but don’t want strangers in their home and their response is that my brother & I will do it. But we can’t do everything & we know this is a deteriorating situation. My Mum was diagnosed with mixed dementia recently and Dad has an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. We didn’t tell Mum or Dad about her diagnosis. We don’t know whether it is the right thing to do or will be very upsetting for them. They are very devoted to each other. I’d appreciate some help or signposting to other parts of the forum or website for help as to whether we should tell them or not & how to persuade them to accept help.

 

[Izzy]

I wondered if this would be if any help.

Support and care when a person won't accept their dementia diagnosis

Trying to get help and support can be difficult when someone doesn’t understand or acknowledge that they have dementia. But support and care at home can help a person to stay independent for longer and to live well with dementia.

www.alzheimers.org.uk