Starting to dispair

[clairedelacey]

Hello everyone,
I would like to know if anyone is having or has had the same problems as I am? As if it isn't distressing enough to have to have to go through seeing someone you love suffer with this awful disease I find I am continually knocking my head off a brick wall when it comes to social services and the NHS!

My father was admitted to hospital just over three weeks ago with a chest infection, he has Alzheimer's disease and was previously at home after a three week stay in a care home. My problem is since his admission to hospital there has been no communication, not for want of trying on my behalf. Unfortunately I can only visit at 6.30 as I work all day, so the only people available to speak are nurses.

In the time he has been in hospital his partner has been allowed to sign a do not resuscitate order, which I am fine with but then again surely as his next of kin and holder of power of attorney It should have been me surely that's what trusting someone to hold power of attorney is all about?

I have visited him in hospital every other night since he was admitted to hospital as his partner and I share days so it gives her time to do her own thing and it means I don't have to travel a 60 mile trip after work everyday.

Tonight I have received a distraught phone call at 9pm from my aunt who visited this afternoon (she's 86) to say that she was told she had to sign a form by 4.30 as they need hospital beds and Dad needs to go into a home! I asked her what she had signed and she doesn't know! she was questioned to find out if she was a family member which she replied yes. she was also told that he had had a stroke when he was first admitted to hospital which was three weeks ago, something that hasn't been reported to myself or his partner! It's to late to ring anywhere now but it will be interesting to find out tomorrow what she has signed and how she was allowed to.

I'm so frustrated with this the very evident lack of care he has received. I'm sick of going into care homes and hospitals to see someone who was such a proud man and was always immaculately dressed who now is unshaved, with scruffy clothes and dirty hair and long nails. what the hell did he and I still pay into the system for? It seems like no one cares at all!
Claire xx

How can this happen!!

Claire x

 

[fizzie]

Hi Claire
sorry you are going thro this, you are right it isn't right that your Dad is being left in that state - it is undignified and not acceptable.

I don't think you are going to get very far unless you go into the hospital with a list of your concerns, literally write down everything that you have put here, keep a copy for yourself and give them a copy (If you go to the PALS office they will make a copy for you, one for them and one for the matron on the ward) tell PALS you are unhappy with all of these things, go to the ward armed with your piece of paper and insist on some answers. They cannot ignore anything in writing. Can you take time off to do that?

It might be that they need to talk to you about the options and the next stage too and to do that face to face is easiest, perhaps they are confused about the relationships that people have with your Dad - do they know that you have Power of Attorney?

 

[Suzanna1969]

Claire my whole family, myself included, has had DREADFUL experiences with our local hospital (which is in special measures and has been on national news for being Rubbish).

My attempts to get a satisfactory response from PALS were met with failure, so I took to Twitter and had a rant. Within SIXTY SECONDS I got a response and after a few weeks the Head of Patient Experience (who has been brought in to clean up the mess) was sitting on my sofa while I gave her both barrels for NINETY MINUTES about our appalling experiences.

She assured me she would launch a full investigation and would get back to me with answers, she admitted it might take several weeks.

I'll let you know when I hear from her....

All I can really say with any certainty is that you don't get ANYWHERE unless you kick up an almighty stink and keep on at them. And that posting on social media will prompt a much quicker response than going through the 'proper channels'.

 

[henfenywfach]

Hello everyone,
I would like to know if anyone is having or has had the same problems as I am? As if it isn't distressing enough to have to have to go through seeing someone you love suffer with this awful disease I find I am continually knocking my head off a brick wall when it comes to social services and the NHS!

My father was admitted to hospital just over three weeks ago with a chest infection, he has Alzheimer's disease and was previously at home after a three week stay in a care home. My problem is since his admission to hospital there has been no communication, not for want of trying on my behalf. Unfortunately I can only visit at 6.30 as I work all day, so the only people available to speak are nurses.

In the time he has been in hospital his partner has been allowed to sign a do not resuscitate order, which I am fine with but then again surely as his next of kin and holder of power of attorney It should have been me surely that's what trusting someone to hold power of attorney is all about?

I have visited him in hospital every other night since he was admitted to hospital as his partner and I share days so it gives her time to do her own thing and it means I don't have to travel a 60 mile trip after work everyday.

Tonight I have received a distraught phone call at 9pm from my aunt who visited this afternoon (she's 86) to say that she was told she had to sign a form by 4.30 as they need hospital beds and Dad needs to go into a home! I asked her what she had signed and she doesn't know! she was questioned to find out if she was a family member which she replied yes. she was also told that he had had a stroke when he was first admitted to hospital which was three weeks ago, something that hasn't been reported to myself or his partner! It's to late to ring anywhere now but it will be interesting to find out tomorrow what she has signed and how she was allowed to.

I'm so frustrated with this the very evident lack of care he has received. I'm sick of going into care homes and hospitals to see someone who was such a proud man and was always immaculately dressed who now is unshaved, with scruffy clothes and dirty hair and long nails. what the hell did he and I still pay into the system for? It seems like no one cares at all!
Claire xx

How can this happen!!

Claire x

It seems the care

Your pain sounds all to familiar to me.
I'm sorry to ask but does your dad have capacity?
I wondered whether that old cherry was being used as an excuse for the whole situation?
I'm not saying that I disrespect the act just that Dr's S's etc are too eager to prove capacity rather than no capacity.
I've had horrible experiences in simiar situations and just concluded a huge complaint.
Due to tp policies won't say anymore but I think there should be a whistle lower policy on tp so that in essence we do what councils do and name and shame!!

My advice to you is the loudest voice gets heard and if you have legal poa and they've ignored it when they've been told then find out of office of public guardian how you take action for going against that.

It's common knowledge that you can't assume that the partner or sister has legal responsibility.

Think this hi lights the society's campaign for change absolutely.!!

Sorry if you denoted bitterness on my part. We've just been faced with policies that hinder more than they protect. One headache after another!!!

Best wishes

 

[clairedelacey]

Thanks for all of your replies. it's nice to know I'm not alone with my feelings and concerns so thank you so much.

I agree with your posts on keeping everything in writing which I will do from now on, I registered my power of attorney with my Fathers doctor in October last year so I would have thought that it would over wright everything, and yes his doctor agreed when I did it that he lacked capacity, so how the hell is anyone allowed to sign anything on his behalf?

I took power of attorney out to act on his behalf because we discussed it when he did have capacity. I would and will insist on my children doing the same. He wanted me to make important decisions about his life and his finances, I explained everything to him and how it works, he trusts me as his daughter (he's my beloved Daddy!) and I want to act on his behalf as I have is his best interests at heart, it's quite simply really. It seems like a joke now! the only questions that have been asked are from the bank, but the main thing which is his care seems to be left to anyone who wonders on to the ward at the right time during visiting hours, his sister (86) or his partner who's 80!

Sorry to go on but I will do something further about this, I'm not into twiter as was suggested please give me the details and I will go on? In the meantime me and my Dad will fight the **** care ( I will continue to clean his false teeth and cut his nails and comb his hair and love him) thank you for listening Alan (my Dad) and Claire xxx

 

[jenniferpa]

You haven't specified but: is this POA an LPA for health and welfare?

 

[Bod]

You haven't specified but: is this POA an LPA for health and welfare?

And have the hospital got this on their notes?

Bod

 

[little shettie]

Oh my what an awful experience for you and your poor dad. I agree with previous posts that said you have to rant to get anything done. That sadly is my experience too. I kicked up an almighty stink in similar circumstances and I got what I wanted in the end but I tell you, these poor people with no one to speak up for them are slipping through the net and no wonder. What an awful mess our NHS is in and as for social services, I have little respect for them after what they put us through! All I can say is make sure everyone at the hospital knows you are not going to just accept what they are doing with your dad and shout loudly if you have to. Take it as high as you can, and I really hope you get sorted. Please let us know you get on xx

 

[peachstone]

I agree about complaining loudly and taking it to the highest level you can reach. Ask for supervisors and managers, then directors and keep at it until you get a result.

MiL had a huge problem with a certain telephone company who had disconnected the phone when they moved and then took over a year to reconnect it at the new house, which was only down the road. OH took over the complaints role in the end because she was needing to spend more time on FiL and couldn't manage it. After many weeks, we managed to contact the managing director's office and his PA dealt with the matter very promptly.