starting out...

[broomfield2010]

hello all,
thanks once again for introducing me to TP with such warmth and kindness this week.
to recap, we found out last week my dear stepdad, who is not yet 58, has alzheimers. he is perfectly able at the moment, just confused and forgetful occasionally and his confidence has taken a big battering.
i mentioned my worry that he would be outraged at the thought of going to a support group, which many of you suggested is the best first move. mum confirmed what i thought today and said she definitely isn't ready to suggest it to him as he simply doesn't see himself as bad enough to require that.
BUT, mum said maybe it might be an idea for me and her to go along to one of these groups together at first, just to suss things out before we throw him in at the deep end and risk upsetting him. maybe that would be our first step to find out a way forward, how we can help/support him/each other etc?
what do you all think? i have tracked down a lovely little support charity called Peaceful Place near mum which offers care and support and social activities to younger people with dementia which sounds just perfect so we know there are great groups out there.
Kelly
xx

 

[connie]

Welcome to Talking Point.

I think it is a very good idea for you are your mum to access any care group help you can get.

You will be able to ask questions about just what help there is in your area. Incidently you are lucky to be able to go to Peaceful Place, they have a very good reputation.

I was fortunate enough to attend a Carers Group for 8 weeks, long before my Lionel went to day care. I found out names and telephone numbers for such people as.........continence nurse, Mental Health team leaders, nutriutionist. It helped me to gradually introduce my man into the system.

Please let us know how you get on.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Kelly

I agree with Connie. It is an excellent idea for you and your mother to start learning as much as you can before you need it.

Support groups are a mine of information. `You will not know how much you don`t know until you explore it.` That was said to me about the Internet, but it applies to support groups as well.

I attended support groups by myself, early on, and still do. My husband finds it very difficult to attend these groups but they are good for me so I go alone. One day, maybe, he will come with me. I live in hope.

And please see talking Point as a support group too. That`s what we are all here for......to give and receive support.

Please keep posting.

Love xx

 

[broomfield2010]

thanks ladies for your messages.
and great to hear these support groups are appropriate for me and mum to try out alone at first. i think maybe we see that sort of thing as being far more essential for us so we can prepare ourselves, while my stepdad just wants to get on with living whatever life he has. love him, he has said what a "boring life" he's going to now have. that's why i'd love to find a group or some activities which he will accept as "normal" but with people who understand and are in a similar situation. i just know if he walked into a room full of people who are not well either it will make him feel like a broken old man and i can't watch his face drop at that thought. so i think i too would feel happier sussing things out first before we introduce it to him in the way we see most appropriate and gentle.
and thanks for the recommendation for Peaceful Place, i will definitely get in touch with them tomorrow and start exploring properly.
although when i spoke to mum earlier today (who is going to take some time off from her part-time job while the news sinks in), she was full of what a lovely day they'd had together, shopping, going for coffee and generally loving being together. mum commented that on days like that she can see absolutely nothing wrong with my stepdad and i hope those days long continue for them both.
Kelly
xxx

 

[connie]

Dear Kelly, just had to come back to you on this. Your comments:

she was full of what a lovely day they'd had together, shopping, going for coffee and generally loving being together. mum commented that on days like that she can see absolutely nothing wrong with my stepdad and i hope those days long continue for them both.

are absolutely right.

Your stepdad is the same as he was last week, before the diagnosis. I am sure that he and mum will have several years yet before things radically change.

We should all 'live for today', but that means even so much more where dementia is involved.

So, try to be prepared, but don't let anything overshadow the joy of today, and the lovely memories that mum and dad will store up still.

Take care now,

 

[helen.tomlinson]

Hi Kelly

she was full of what a lovely day they'd had together, shopping, going for coffee and generally loving being together. mum commented that on days like that she can see absolutely nothing wrong with my stepdad

And may there be many days like this. I have now a love of "normal" and these normal days are now special. Sounds to me like you and your mum have the right idea. I don't see why life now has to be boring for your dad - it sounds highly possible that he can do all the things that he likes and only needs to stop when absolutely necessary.

You've certainly got the ball rolling and I take my hat off to you and your mum.

Love Helen

 

[Lynne]

Hi Kelly

Well done for finding a support group which you and Mum can attend & benefit from. Who knows, after you have been a few times & found out what's available, maybe Dad could join you on a day when something of interest to him is happening? (especially if you and/or Mum relate selected tales of what the group do ...)

A local group that Mum and I go to recently had a morning out 10-pin bowling. Unfortunately Mum is too frail to do that now (she used to a few years ago) but we went anyway and she supported me as I had a go! I can imagine your Dad might enjoy something like that, which he & Mum can do together.

Anyway, you have found a starting point & some support - that's the main thing. As to getting Dad involved, well 'softly softly' might work after a while.

Good luck

 

[andrear]

Hi Kelly and welcome to TP
What a good idea to go along with your mum to support groups.
You will find much information there and you won't feel that you are so alone.

Such support groups are a godsend. I know that my dad would never go along to such a group, he couldn't keep still for long enough and as he is very disruptive it would not be beneficial at all. So if you and your mum feel it would benefit him then do encourage him to go along, but if not, just let it ride.

Enjoy the time you have now with your dad, don't look too much into the future. Live for today, and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Love AndreaX