starting my own thread.

[Neph]

Just sitting here watching mum sleep, she doesn't shout much anymore, sleeps much of the time.I'm so worn out, so frustrated that there is nothing I can do other than sit here and just wait for her to die.

My head is a complete mess, I'm not eating much, not sleeping any better,I have so much to sort out at home Christmas is coming, my son is 19 tomorrow and I just don't care,I don't want this to go on for months but something is keeping her going and I have no clue as to what.

Doesn't help that hubby is permanently positive, it's driving me insane, he still had both of his parents who have been absolutely dreadful as grandparents and yet my parents were the best grandparents ever, I need to talk to him, need him to understand but I know he won't.

She's still eating a little and drinking but she's still losing weight.

I just have this big cloud hanging over me and I can't seem to shift it no matter how much I try. My hormones are all over the place and I just feel so alone.

Sorry I just needed a vent, please pray that this will soon be over for us as this isn't my mother lying here anymore.

 

[Grannie G]

Oh dear Neph, you sound in such despair.

I can believe whatever you do and wherever you go, your mum is at the forefront of your mind at all times. But she seems peaceful and not in pain. You are the one feeling the pain.

I do hope you will be able to celebrate your son`s 19th in some small way, just so he knows you is still there for him. It won`t come round again.

You don`t need to sit waiting for your mum to die if you would rather not. You can go about your business, calmly and quietly . It might help make the time pass.

I hope I haven`t said anything to make matters worse for you. It`s just another approach.

Take care xx

 

[Neph]

No offense Grannie, I just can't leave her alone I feel worse when I'm not with her. I don't know if she even knows I'm here but I would hate to be alone.

I'm sure I'll be ok it's hitting me so much harder than I thought it would is all. We had our moments but we used to have an ok relationship, she loved her grandkids so much and should them rotten.

My daughter hasn't seen her since she moved into the nursing home and I thought about it long and hard before I told her about taking mum off the supplements. But I thought she should decide if she wanted to go and see her again. Feel so bad for my two it's been a horrible 7 years.

 

[yorkylover]

Hi Neph.

I am going through similar at the moment and I know how you feel you are not alone in how you are feeling.Just wanted you to know that..xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[cragmaid]

I too am sharing your pain and echoing it with mine for Mother. We sit, we wait and watch and can not make the end happen sooner nor later.

You children need you too...even though the years number them as adults, they are your children and your Mother's grandchildren. Your Mum would be the first to say to you...go spend time, it's his birthday.....and so you must. For a little while be your sons's Mum and not your Mum's Daughter.

Holding your hand as we sit...Maureen.x.

 

[henfenywfach]

Just sitting here watching mum sleep, she doesn't shout much anymore, sleeps much of the time.I'm so worn out, so frustrated that there is nothing I can do other than sit here and just wait for her to die.

My head is a complete mess, I'm not eating much, not sleeping any better,I have so much to sort out at home Christmas is coming, my son is 19 tomorrow and I just don't care,I don't want this to go on for months but something is keeping her going and I have no clue as to what.

Doesn't help that hubby is permanently positive, it's driving me insane, he still had both of his parents who have been absolutely dreadful as grandparents and yet my parents were the best grandparents ever, I need to talk to him, need him to understand but I know he won't.

She's still eating a little and drinking but she's still losing weight.

I just have this big cloud hanging over me and I can't seem to shift it no matter how much I try. My hormones are all over the place and I just feel so alone.

Sorry I just needed a vent, please pray that this will soon be over for us as this isn't my mother lying here anymore.

Im not at the stage you are at at the moment but spent a few years watching my dad deteriorate..and no one would listen or believe..I find as a carer for a loved one..there absolutely is a cloud that stands above your head darkening your sky..its not just physical or mental exhaustion..sometimes your too tired to breath deeply...I try to do other things and we carry on regardless..but even with time out myself is somewhere else...im at the library in body but me soul is still looking after my dad..and the ever consuming disease that is dementia.....im sorry you are feeling this way....I just wanted to acknowledge that ive heard you..and eventhough im not experiencing presently your situation...I respect the fact that youve been open about your feelings....I hope I can too later on in my dads journey...regards.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[halojones]

Thinking of you neph, what a sad time it is for you and your family..I agree that you should try and spend some time with your son and daughter, try and lift your spirits a little, and like cragmaid says, its what your mum would want you to do, so please try... It is such an intense and overwhelming time, I have to admit I am scared of this, but reading others stories have prepared me, and the support is wonderful..Take Care Neph x

 

[Neph]

Thank you all. I can remember my grandparents, one of them was riddled with rheumatoid arthritis the other had what we now know as dementia. I always said I would rather be like my gram, not now give me painful joints any day, at least if still know who I was.

 

[WhatAMess]

Please Please Neph try to focus on your sons birthday.

I really do know how you feel.

I too have similar aged children (18 and 15) and it is incredibly hard to split your time between everyone (including husband and work and in my case other commitments too).

I know how incredibly hard it is to be bright and cheerful and look forward to something when you are dealing with your Mum, but as craigmaid said For a little while be your sons's Mum and not your Mum's Daughter. - That is such good advice and your son really does need you ....even at 19.

Your Mum really wouldn't have wanted you to be like this - she would be saying go and enjoy his birthday - I am fine !

I am thinking of you..... you are at an incredible low at the moment, but it will get better and some days are brighter than others. x

 

[angelface]

You are in my thoughts Neph.

Can you try and be kinder to yourself, and buy a few healthy treats to eat while you are sitting? Maybe even doze a little? This watching and waiting is awful, you need to look after you too.

 

[Gigglemore]

Dear Neph, Yorkylover and Cragmaid - thinking of you all and wishing you strength to endure the painful waiting, and wishing peace for your loved ones.

 

[Neph]

Well son's birthday has gone quite well, I even baked a cake. Managing to eat a little and organised him some nice presents, even cleaned his room for him while he was at college.

Still feeling very down but am trying to put brave face on. Thank you all.

 

[rosa4077]

Hi my heart goes out to you , previous posters have said it all you need to concentrate on your son's birthday i know it's not easy ut just want you to know you are not alone this is a hateful disease

 

[CollegeGirl]

Thinking of you Neph. This is a hideous disease. I'm so glad you managed to enjoy your son's birthday a little. Well done and big hugs xx

 

[Neph]

Been to see mum again today, can't seem to stay away. Sat and stroked her arm for a while, no response, then they woke her to give her her lunch, which was half a dozen teaspoons of mashed carrot and a tablespoon of ice cream. Then she fell asleep again. I am trying to be strong but I dunno how much longer I can do this.

Sorry I know I'm just moaning on but I need to vent somewhere.

 

[Gigglemore]

Dear Neph - that was certainly NOT a moan - it was an expression of the deep sorrow and pain you are experiencing. Vent as much as you need to - you know there are always people on TP to empathise.

I have not been in your painful situation yet so please forgive me if this is an inappropriate idea - but I wonder if you could quietly read her favourite book to her. Or a book she loved to read to you or your children? Your voice might just reach something inside her and give her comfort, and the feeling that you are possibly reaching and comforting her might make you feel less helpless during your painful visits.

Wishing you and your family a release from the cruel grip of this condition soon.

 

[Pickles53]

Just last week I was were you are now Neph, watching and waiting but never really expecting that things would change so quickly. My mum slipped away in her sleep; one of the carers said it was as if she waited until I had gone home.

You have to do what you feel is right, whatever happens you will always know that you did everything you could and more. But try to take care of yourself too.

Wishing you well, all those sharing this vigil with their loved ones.

 

[2jays]

Thinking of you. Understanding xxxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Neph]

Gigglemore I used to read to her, still do if she's awake.

Pickles so sorry for your loss.

 

[Neph]

Why can't they just leave her alone, she's fast asleep and they want to turn her and disturb her. She looks so peaceful.