I just stumbled across this site - as you do when you are in need. Everyone here seems to be so lovely and understanding and I am in such a stress-filled space right now I need support I don't feel I am getting anywhere.
Let's start at the beginning. Dad died last September (heart attack). Mum was his primary carer for 2 years as he did the old guilt thing even when he couldn't walk "put me in a home and I will die" so Mum felt compelled to keep him at home. She managed. She has always been a bit vague...memory issues for a long time. High blood pressure, not managed well at all. Anyway let's get to three weeks ago. I called her and she sounded slurry and said she thought she'd had a mini stroke. I high tailed it to her place and we went to the hospital...and yes she had a stroke, a major one. yet physically she was not showing signs which surprised them. She went to rehab after a few days yet one day decided to take a walk. Got lost. For 30+ hours on the streets. The police were involved, everything and everyone was involved...my brother went on the news and someone recognised her posted picture, they found her at a factory complex curled up in a doorway. She has no knowledge of any of it. She swears she and I were at a fair with fairy lights in trees and people dressed in costume. Even now, despite it all she still believes that. Anyway she is in high security in the rehab place now. We fought for her to have a TV and phone as in so many ways she is just the same as she ever was. We had a meeting with the Neurologist and others even her and he said she has vascular dementia along with other issues (decision making etc) caused by the stroke. He said we need to find a low key nursing home (she can dress herself etc) but high security so no more wandering off with the option of high care for when it progresses. The thing is she said she is fine, no dementia at all. That she wants to live independently and she will be just fine. No matter what we say or do she will not be convinced there is an issue. And to talk to her you would swear all was fine too. But physically the evidence is there. It is breaking my heart. Mum is my best friend, I love her dearly but she needs to be safe. Also she has had two falls she couldn't get up from, so she is pretty frail too. At nearly 84 it is time for this along with her problems. But she will feel betrayed by us to put her in a home when she is just fine she believes, and won't understand at all. I don't know what to do. She is very much loved but i can't convince her that we weren't at this fair - that she was lost - and that she has dementia. I am sure others have gone through the denial thing too, so any advice as to what to do would be so welcome. Thank you all. This is a hell I wish none of us were living through.
Let's start at the beginning. Dad died last September (heart attack). Mum was his primary carer for 2 years as he did the old guilt thing even when he couldn't walk "put me in a home and I will die" so Mum felt compelled to keep him at home. She managed. She has always been a bit vague...memory issues for a long time. High blood pressure, not managed well at all. Anyway let's get to three weeks ago. I called her and she sounded slurry and said she thought she'd had a mini stroke. I high tailed it to her place and we went to the hospital...and yes she had a stroke, a major one. yet physically she was not showing signs which surprised them. She went to rehab after a few days yet one day decided to take a walk. Got lost. For 30+ hours on the streets. The police were involved, everything and everyone was involved...my brother went on the news and someone recognised her posted picture, they found her at a factory complex curled up in a doorway. She has no knowledge of any of it. She swears she and I were at a fair with fairy lights in trees and people dressed in costume. Even now, despite it all she still believes that. Anyway she is in high security in the rehab place now. We fought for her to have a TV and phone as in so many ways she is just the same as she ever was. We had a meeting with the Neurologist and others even her and he said she has vascular dementia along with other issues (decision making etc) caused by the stroke. He said we need to find a low key nursing home (she can dress herself etc) but high security so no more wandering off with the option of high care for when it progresses. The thing is she said she is fine, no dementia at all. That she wants to live independently and she will be just fine. No matter what we say or do she will not be convinced there is an issue. And to talk to her you would swear all was fine too. But physically the evidence is there. It is breaking my heart. Mum is my best friend, I love her dearly but she needs to be safe. Also she has had two falls she couldn't get up from, so she is pretty frail too. At nearly 84 it is time for this along with her problems. But she will feel betrayed by us to put her in a home when she is just fine she believes, and won't understand at all. I don't know what to do. She is very much loved but i can't convince her that we weren't at this fair - that she was lost - and that she has dementia. I am sure others have gone through the denial thing too, so any advice as to what to do would be so welcome. Thank you all. This is a hell I wish none of us were living through.