MrsC, the only pearls of wisdom that I can give you are
1) reading the "Contented Dementia" book is as good a start as any into beginning to understand dementia.
2) If you see one person with dementia, that is exactly what you have seen; just one person, with THEIR dementia. As I understand dementia, (mum has Vascular Dementia) it arises as a result of the "dying" of parts of the brain. Therefore it makes sense that as no two persons experience exactly the same parts of their brain ceasing to function, that no two people have exactly the same dementia symptoms.
3) Despite 2) there are some common traits, and I expect if you google "stages of dementia" you will find some information about symptoms that are more common at particular points on the journey. It isn't an exact science!
4) TP members are a wonderful supportive source of advice.
My mum began to show early short term memory issues approx. 2004, much more noticeable to those that knew her well by 2006. By 2008 she was constantly hiding things in safe places, by 2010 paranoid.
Life became more complicated and stressful in 2011 when dad was diagnosed with cancer, by then he was her carer and she was not eating of remembering to drink if he wasn't there, but stress could have rapidly compounded her dementia. At that point mum thought that she did the housework etc, she didn't, nor did she let my dad, so I would nip round and "do" when my brother took her out.
By 2012 she couldn't be left home alone for more than 30 mins or she would start to panic, phoning the family asking where dad was, or go out looking for him.
Late 2014 when dad required palliative care, live-in carers moved in. Mum resented then and could not remember why they were there (we told her they were nurses for dad), sometimes she forgot dad had cancer, no longer able to make tea / coffee, unable to use the telephone or tv controls, not washing herself or changing clothes. She was very abusive and aggressive to the carers and on occasion myself. She would wake and hit dad in the night, when he slept in a hospital bed in the spare room, upset that he wasn't in their bed.
Dad passed away April 2015, mum not told, simply he was the love of her life and it would have killed her. Mum went into a Care Home in August, where her anxiety levels have dropped and she is more stable. Since being there the home have, together with her new GP weaned her off all the calming medications that she had been on (Trazadone and Diazepam). It helps that she thinks another resident is my dad, but that's another story!
I'm not sure whether that helps at all.
Goldsmith,
Mum was put on Risperidone whilst dad was in the hospice. It slowed her to a zombie; shuffling, drooling and talking complete gibberish, we went back to her GP and he tried something else, which had far less impact. Our experience of the Mental Health Team was far from good. We had a good relationship with her GP who was willing to respond to our concerns.
Re anxiety, just try to keep yourselves calm, use an open and relaxed body language, a lightness in your voices, distractions to subjects he enjoys talking about (hobbies?, ask his advice about something?) and lots of love lies. Work out what is at the cause of the anxiety and find a soothing short sentence that lets FIL know that you are dealing with his concern and that all is well. Good Luck.