I think perhaps we run out of words for how things are going once our loved one reaches stage 7, the following is a copy of what I sent a friend when she asked how Dad was these days. I thought I'd post it because although we tend to become silent around this stage, this is more due to the lack of extreme behaviours in our loved ones and the ever slimming hopes that this is not going to happen, not because its any less traumatic, its just a different kind of trauma:
Posted it here in the younger dementia section in honour of Dad's amazing odds at getting it at such a young age. You know I really would have liked a Dad I could talk to now that I am a grown up. Its worse than him having died before I reached this age because he's there but he's not, he's so close but so far away. I would have liked to have seen his pride at my graduation instead I will know he is sitting staring into space at the home oblivious. I would have loved for him to walk me down the aisle, instead I have to go away to get married because I couldn't bear the rest of my family being there and not him. I would have loved to have him tell me that he approved of the man I am going to marry, instead I see him smile at him and hope that means he likes my hubby to be, but also know that perhaps he is just smiling because he tends to do that to people who walk up to him smiling. Having put off my wedding so long because of Dad's condition, I am now also starting to have second thoughts about having children (other than my step child). I don't know if I want to give so much of myself again to another human who would also be dependent on me. I know I would also find it easier if I did get this dementia and I didn't have to worry about how my children will cope with it. I also think that when Dad is eventually gone, I don't want to find myself restricted by the needs of a child, I want to be able to travel abroad when I want to, I want to enjoy just time with me and my hubby with no other distractions. I want to focus just on me for a while. If Dad hangs around for another 5 years or so, I'll be 35 before I get this chance and my hubby will be 47, he'll be at least 50 by the time I'm possibly ready for kids. Oh how this disease changes the path our lives were going to take.
Haven't talked much about Dad because although no longer obviously ill he appears to have slipped away further...., i keep hoping he's just having a bad day or two. he's hardly trying to talk to me at all, very long quiet visits. his chest sounds better though, I think he's just sitting there thinking how much this all sucks, poor man, and so can't be bothered with chit-chat (not that he ever talks properly just mumbles that aren't words, i miss the mumbles). So I sit there each hour wondering how long this is going to go on, don't want him to die, but don't want to do this forever, wonder how bad it will get, wonder how long he will languish through the bad bits, just sit there not even angry about not being able to do anything anymore, I can't muster the anger anymore, I just sit there at a loss. Dad when he did talk used to say 'bloody, bloody, bloody' quite a lot, and thats exactly how I feel, bloody, bloody, bloody. But don't worry I'm not as sad as I sound I should be. Guess I've gone numb like I said in that War Zone post, just waiting....
Posted it here in the younger dementia section in honour of Dad's amazing odds at getting it at such a young age. You know I really would have liked a Dad I could talk to now that I am a grown up. Its worse than him having died before I reached this age because he's there but he's not, he's so close but so far away. I would have liked to have seen his pride at my graduation instead I will know he is sitting staring into space at the home oblivious. I would have loved for him to walk me down the aisle, instead I have to go away to get married because I couldn't bear the rest of my family being there and not him. I would have loved to have him tell me that he approved of the man I am going to marry, instead I see him smile at him and hope that means he likes my hubby to be, but also know that perhaps he is just smiling because he tends to do that to people who walk up to him smiling. Having put off my wedding so long because of Dad's condition, I am now also starting to have second thoughts about having children (other than my step child). I don't know if I want to give so much of myself again to another human who would also be dependent on me. I know I would also find it easier if I did get this dementia and I didn't have to worry about how my children will cope with it. I also think that when Dad is eventually gone, I don't want to find myself restricted by the needs of a child, I want to be able to travel abroad when I want to, I want to enjoy just time with me and my hubby with no other distractions. I want to focus just on me for a while. If Dad hangs around for another 5 years or so, I'll be 35 before I get this chance and my hubby will be 47, he'll be at least 50 by the time I'm possibly ready for kids. Oh how this disease changes the path our lives were going to take.