SS visited... Grr


Registered User
Nov 20, 2006
Where do they find some people, first rule when talking to someone with dementia, do not mention the words dementia or alzheimers in relation to them, stupid woman...:mad:

All I worked out from her visit is that I don't want her to know anything about our business. Wrong approach, busy body person, made me mad!

Dad now very unsettled, think Mum may be in for a rough evening.


Apparently she can't talk about any of it to me or Mum without Dad present, either that's is complete tosh or are they out to make our lives more difficult. Considering Dad would initially be self funded on anything fortunately I see no further need to involve her in anyting further for a while..

Had to go through this to get dad on the waiting list for the local Day Centre..

God I am now annoyed...:mad: Just hoping most of it passed Dad by.

Scott - off for some red wine and a cuddle with the kids
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Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hello Scott

Hope you are enjoying that glass of wine and the cuddle with the kids!!

I really can't say I understand quite what you went through with the personal from Social Services but it does sound stressful. I have been so angry like you at times - mine has been about Social Services not being able to do the simple things like arrive on time to appointments and phone when they say they will!!

HOWEVER, the lady from the Alzheimers Society said to me "don't turn down any offers of help no matter what". These words have stayed with me and I think about them often as I read posts on Talking Point. I am glad I heard those words at the early stages of my husband's dementia so that I can take advantage of the wisdom along the road.

Best wishes Scott



Registered User
Nov 20, 2006
I have calmed a little, the kids have helped no end.

Fortunatley the "Care manager" gave me a feedback email address, I will be sending some constructive critism later!

I won't turn down any help nor will mum but the way this SW addressed him and us clearly showed she had no understanding of the condition, regailing us with stories of injections in america that provided miracle cures and going on and on about different types of incontinence pads was unneccessary.

I need to calm down before writing though... won't be constructive otherwise!:mad:

Short girl

Registered User
Mar 22, 2008

I am sorry your experience with SS was not a good one, but as already advised, don't turn down what is offered. Perhaps the SW needs some dementia awareness training??


Registered User
Nov 20, 2006
Yeah, one of the things I'll be suggesting. Other than Dad being on the list for the local Day centre we learned nothing we didn't already know, unfortunately they didn't take the time to find that out before hand.

Still waiting to hear from Mum on how dad has been this evening.



Registered User
Jul 11, 2007
Dear Scoop,
I totally agree that some departments need more training in asking questions.
My experience is to avoid using the word dementia as well.I had a GP ask Mum "do you have dementia?" to which mum answered "no ,of coarse not" .
I am at the moment going through having more assessments for Mum ,even though she has been diagnosed over and over again with dementia.
It seems these people will not give out files to each other, and you have to go over and over it with each one, very stressful for us carers.
Sorry to be all doom and gloom.
I wish you very best wishes,

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Scott.

If families have the choice, based on their intimate knowledge of the person being cared for, whether or not to tell of the diagnosis of dementia, the last thing anyone wants is some insensitive `professional`, undoing all the good work.

My husband knows he has Alzheimers, but he doesn`t want anyone other than me to discuss it with him.

I would be very cross indeed.

I think your SW must be related to the CPN who first came to us.

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
Hi Scott,

Ah how well I understand your frustration - SW and doctors constantly talk about mum's dementia in front of her and it sends her into a rage that you wouldn't believe and it goes on for a couple of days at least!!

Better still, her carers explained to dad, in front of mum, how aggressive and hostile she was and how they would speakto social services about her - cue a 48 hour rampage!!

I was most annoyed about them telling my dad that he should talk about it in front of her instead of letting her believe she doesn't have dementia. Now considering that out of all the people we see only one person (CPN) has bothered to actually read up on FTD and so knows a little something about it, I was horrified that they felt they had the right to make a judgement on that.

I hope that your things went okay for your mum and that your "kiddy cuddles" took the edge off for you - especially with your new bundle!

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Where do they find some people, first rule when talking to someone with dementia, do not mention the words dementia or alzheimers in relation to them, stupid woman...:mad:

Hmmm, well hope the red wine and cuddles worked (usually do it for me! :D). Just one thing I would say on this, Scoop, I originally tried to protect mum from anyone ever saying the 'A' word or 'D' word in front of her ..... Lo and behold it has been her consultant and associated Memory Team that have either put things in writing or articulated it quite clearly to her against my advice and that of her GP and long-term surgical consultants .... at times I have felt it almost sadistic!!!!! :eek:

Then again - other times, mum seems to be calmed by having a 'label' which tells her what is causing her to get as confused as she does .... God willing, she still doesn't understand the actual diagnosis and prognosis for her?

Hugs, Karen, x


Registered User
Nov 20, 2006
Fortunatley after the night's sleep Dad hasn't referred to it today, relief for Mum but SS will be getting my feedback.

Visited a home that Dad is on the waiting list for today, what a lovelly place best of the two I have looked at so far and just down the road. Have to see if they get a place that times with when Mum is happy to take that step.

Seeing the CPN this afternoon, fortunatley she is lovelly and Dad likes her.



Registered User
Nov 7, 2004
Scoop wrote "Where do they find some people, first rule when talking to someone with dementia, do not mention the words dementia or alzheimers in relation to them, stupid woman..."

This thread has reminded me that the memory clinic that mum went to would always write the next appointment date on a card which they would try to give to mum. The printed heading of the card, in great big letters, was “Newtown Mental Health Clinic”.
After the first time I always grabbed the card !!

I fortunately was able to get all correspondence from the clinic sent to my address, but not until mum had received a couple of letters from the clinic typed on headed writing paper. The address heading was “Newtown Mental Health Clinic”.

Can you imaging trying to explain over the phone to someone with AD why they had received a letter from the mental health clinic. Mum would put the phone down…sit for five minutes…then ring again with the same question. (Yes I know you can imagine !!)



Registered User
Nov 20, 2006
CPN was very unhappy about the SS woman that came out and will also be passing feedback along their way. She had been planned to be at the same meetup but had been called away at short notice so re-arranged, she felt guilty today that we had been subjected to it.

Better day today...


Registered User
Jul 19, 2005
perhaps you could get some of the books from Alzheimers and hand them to her and say read in front of the CPN. All suffers are different some deteriorate slow some as in my husbands case rapid.Its also impossibile to tell what next week will bring. Social Services need to put plans for this in place and not wait till it happens. I too found out that more training is required. Ask he if she has ever had training/ or looked after someone.I no how you feel. The NHS has taken over my husband in a way i'm so glad i no don't have anything to do with social services


Registered User
Feb 20, 2008
West Yorkshire
Dear Scott
I've just caught up with your thread. I've seen my fair share of SW's and most them have been a waste of space. Only one that i've had recent dealings with has been OK. I dont know if this is like stating the obvious, but whenever I have a meeting with one, I always feel more positive if I check with them what it is they expect to achieve from the meeting.That usually keeps them on their toes! Then you can at least avoid that feeling that it has all been a waste of time, or cut the meeting short if its not looking promising. It sounds like your SW was a crass idiot! I hope you enjoyed the wine. I also get a lot of comfort from cuddles with my children!!
take care