SS rang me yesterday. The upshot is they are not coming for a home visit before I have my 5 day break next week. SW said they will keep a close eye on Mum via the carers whilst I'm away. Told her she will probably constantly ring my cousin in Devon whilst I'm away. Her response to this is tell you cousin to say your out. That's not really the point it is. I do not want to hear from my Mum in any way whatsoever. I need to totally escape from her for the 5 days to get some normality back into my life without my life constantly revolving around my Mum. I really do hope my Mum throws one of her aggressive psychotic episodes whilst I'm away or has another fall, then they'll have to deal with it seeing as even though I have 'suffering from carers breakdown' on my notes, they've done nothing to help me. I really wish I had someone else to back me up but there is no-one and I feel so alone dealing with Mum and the authorities. I haven't any fight left in me.
SS - Is it time for me to grit my teeth and just walk away?
- Thread starter SueShell
- Start date
Hello Sue - this is dreadful as even if you walk away (and no one would blame you) it would be on your mind, especially if your mother keeps ringing.
How about contacting the Bromley Office of Alz Society ( 18 Bromley Common, Bromley BR2 9PD 020 8460 9245 ) for some support and see if they will talk to SS? I think that's your nearest office.
There is also Carers UK at Bromley http://www.carersbromley.org.uk/
Why not give one of them a call and say what is happening?
Big hugs for you, take care
Celia
How about contacting the Bromley Office of Alz Society ( 18 Bromley Common, Bromley BR2 9PD 020 8460 9245 ) for some support and see if they will talk to SS? I think that's your nearest office.
There is also Carers UK at Bromley http://www.carersbromley.org.uk/
Why not give one of them a call and say what is happening?
Big hugs for you, take care
Celia
Some telephone providers offer services whereby you can elect to have calls from certain incoming numbers blocked. For BT, this is called "Choose to Refuse" - there is, however, normally a charge for this. Alternatively, there are devices you can buy such as Callblocker, these sit between the socket and the phone and you can ente rin numbers you wish to have screened out (or alternatively, created a list whereby only certain numbers are allowed in). Obviously, these aren't free. It also raises the spectre of your mum getting increasingly frantic by ringing and not getting anything.
Perhaps an answering machine would help. Let it take the strain; turn the speaker off so you do not listen to the calls. Then ask your cousin to simply delete the backlog whilst you are absent.
I completely understand your need to have a complete break but those are the only things I can think of, short of having your cousing leave the phone off the hook permanently!
I suspect that Social Services have no authority to remove your mum's phone or stop her from using it, even if they so wished, which is unlikely since they are going to be reluctant to leave anyone without the means to make emergency calls (and this includes even those whom they think are mentally incapable of actually doing so)
As you say, your absense may actually provoke an incident which will be helpful in the long run. Social services have backlogs and are short of money, they will never have enough resources really, so it's only critical cases that really get help.
Perhaps an answering machine would help. Let it take the strain; turn the speaker off so you do not listen to the calls. Then ask your cousin to simply delete the backlog whilst you are absent.
I completely understand your need to have a complete break but those are the only things I can think of, short of having your cousing leave the phone off the hook permanently!
I suspect that Social Services have no authority to remove your mum's phone or stop her from using it, even if they so wished, which is unlikely since they are going to be reluctant to leave anyone without the means to make emergency calls (and this includes even those whom they think are mentally incapable of actually doing so)
As you say, your absense may actually provoke an incident which will be helpful in the long run. Social services have backlogs and are short of money, they will never have enough resources really, so it's only critical cases that really get help.
Unfortunately my cousins phone calls cannot be monitored because her son is self-employed and has many calls from customers. I have hidden Mum's address book, so she won't be able to ring my cousin. This is no consequence to her because she doesn't make calls to anyone else now, and isn't very good at receiving calls either, tending to put the phone down in mid conversation. If I'm not a 'critical' case I soon will be when I'm carted off to hospital with a complete collapse.
Having witnessed carers breakdown first hand (my mother) I just wanted to say that you are doing the right thing ... it may well force a crisis but as awful as it sounds sometimes that's what is needed ...
Try to have a clean break for a while xxxx
Try to have a clean break for a while xxxx
