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spoilt behaviour

discreet

Registered User
Mar 15, 2012
15
liverpool
Please can anyone identify this behaviour my husband gets out of bed washed dressed then immediately wants to go out shops and pub. If I dare suggest doing bins or dishes or some chores he gets angry saying we never go out and he fed up with me trying to keep him in .truth is we out every day if I go out for hour with my daughter for lunch he tells me I drop our plans for everyone else when our plans are his plans in his own mind .he now saying he doesn't want to mix with my daughter s partner as he goggles me. But my daughter and her partner keep asking us out or pop round to ease my time and pressure with him he is so clingy I can't go anywhere without him or his face is set even hairdressers I am timed if I pop. For the paper after hairdressers he goes mad saying I wanted to come to shops with you it is getting that I want more space from him and he won't consider day centres as there is nothing wrong with him he says other than memory problems. Is this behaviour normal run of the mill pattern sorry to be moaning over someone you love but he wearing me down
 

lizzybean

Registered User
Feb 3, 2014
1,366
Lancashire
I think it is all pretty "normal" for AD. Don't forget that he doesn't remember going out the previous day so he needs to go out. Can you give him tasks to do around the house/garden that mean something to him, he sounds like he is feeling trapped somehow & needs purpose in his life maybe?
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,035
Scotland
One of the carers at an Alz group we attend has this problem and it was really out of hand. Her SW worked on her partner over a period of months to accept one day of day care and eventually he agreed when told the strain on his partner was making her ill.

He still resists but she is now adamant about needing a break and he gives in. From this they hope to build up to a stage where he will go on a weeks respite. Good luck.
 

flowerball1

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
18
Please can anyone identify this behaviour my husband gets out of bed washed dressed then immediately wants to go out shops and pub. If I dare suggest doing bins or dishes or some chores he gets angry saying we never go out and he fed up with me trying to keep him in .truth is we out every day if I go out for hour with my daughter for lunch he tells me I drop our plans for everyone else when our plans are his plans in his own mind .he now saying he doesn't want to mix with my daughter s partner as he goggles me. But my daughter and her partner keep asking us out or pop round to ease my time and pressure with him he is so clingy I can't go anywhere without him or his face is set even hairdressers I am timed if I pop. For the paper after hairdressers he goes mad saying I wanted to come to shops with you it is getting that I want more space from him and he won't consider day centres as there is nothing wrong with him he says other than memory problems. Is this behaviour normal run of the mill pattern sorry to be moaning over someone you love but he wearing me down
Oh I know just what you mean. I care for my 86 yr old mum. Whenever she wakes (whatever time it is) she complains about the clothes she is wearing and immediately wants to change into day or night clothes. As she is deaf as well I normally explain that she will have to have breakfast followed by a bath before she can get dressed. It is then a case of playing for time, especially at 3am. she will then want to go out as soon as possible and we go out 2 or 3 times a day to keep her occupied. She always forgets we have been out unless it suits her. She also follows me around relentlessly and berates me when I cannot do what she wants. I don't know whether this has a name or not. I try and console myself that she has so much in life that is beyond her control that she clings to me and does her best to control me instead... I'm the last thing left she can control!
I do my best to keep the information about where we are going to a minimum and don't deliver it until 10 minutes before we need to leave or someone is due to arrive. It feels deceptive, but it means she has less time to worry and get herself into a state about things and she cannot nag to go somewhere too early. I have also tried my best to include her in shopping trips or anything else and just accept that she will be around. Sometimes its easier to go with it than against it. I don't always do this gracefully and I find it very hard at times, but fighting it seemed to wear me down more.
I am lucky she goes to day care once a week and I pay someone to come and sit with her for a few hours once a week. If he won't accept day care, would he accept someone coming in. There is a good organisation called Crossroads in our area that does there best to match people with similar interests and could take him out to give you some time alone. Alternatively does your local Alzhiemer's Society have any drop in sessions you could go to. Although you both attend, they may be able to take him off for a while and give you some time to chat with other carer's?
Have you told your daughter what is happening, his reluctance to meet with them may pass in a while but there may be other ways they could support you in the meantime.
This is an awful disease that brings out the worst in the patient and tests carer's to the limit. I do hope you do find a way through this for both of you.