Speech deteriation

Sammie234

Registered User
Oct 7, 2016
219
0
Shropshire
Hi everyone, it’s ages since I’ve been on here when last on the oh was still capable of taking part in life to a greater degree, enjoying people and family though his hygiene was literally going down the pan. Well times changed. He literally hates going in the shower it scares him, He is now on bp tablets but gets tired even just walking short distances. He struggles to get upstairs and will only come down them with me in front saying put one foot down at a time. He is now doubly incontinent unless I manage to notice him getting agitated like getting up and down so can manage one less mess to clean up. Struggles to get on the loo, sometimes not recognising it’s a toilet. The worse though is he is losing the ability to construct a sentance when he does he calls the cat a cow or sees sheep and they become every animal under the sun. He has forgotten the names of family members. He mixes me and the daughter up. When we sit down and look at pics, he no longer recognises himself /family. He has no recall of his past let alone what happens in the future. We’ve started to listen to music much more lately and certain songs have him crying, so something is there or maybe it’s just the sound the actual music makes . I’m losing him. I hate this disease his diagnoses was in 2016 but he was off work nearly 2 yrs prior with his memory problems. So early onset on 63 he will be 72 next year . Sorry I took so long .
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,363
0
Newcastle
Sorry to read this @Sammie234 but what you describe seems very common. That does not make it any easier to deal with. There is nothing practical that I can suggest. Dementia will have its way and as carers we can only get ready to accept each downturn as it comes. I hope that sharing your feelings here has helped you. I know many other members will echo my best wishes to you.
 

lfox

Registered User
Oct 2, 2009
15
0
Manchester
Hi everyone, it’s ages since I’ve been on here when last on the oh was still capable of taking part in life to a greater degree, enjoying people and family though his hygiene was literally going down the pan. Well times changed. He literally hates going in the shower it scares him, He is now on bp tablets but gets tired even just walking short distances. He struggles to get upstairs and will only come down them with me in front saying put one foot down at a time. He is now doubly incontinent unless I manage to notice him getting agitated like getting up and down so can manage one less mess to clean up. Struggles to get on the loo, sometimes not recognising it’s a toilet. The worse though is he is losing the ability to construct a sentance when he does he calls the cat a cow or sees sheep and they become every animal under the sun. He has forgotten the names of family members. He mixes me and the daughter up. When we sit down and look at pics, he no longer recognises himself /family. He has no recall of his past let alone what happens in the future. We’ve started to listen to music much more lately and certain songs have him crying, so something is there or maybe it’s just the sound the actual music makes . I’m losing him. I hate this disease his diagnoses was in 2016 but he was off work nearly 2 yrs prior with his memory problems. So early onset on 63 he will be 72 next year . Sorry I took so long .
Sorry to hear this. I have my brother living with us. He's recently started to need help with putting the shower on.. and he needs prompts to change his clothes.. I have to stand outside the door if the shower and get the dirty clothes off him. ( that's if he hasn't out them back on instead of his clean ones)
He struggles to find certain words.. I worry about the next stages coming up too. Xx
 

Sammie234

Registered User
Oct 7, 2016
219
0
Shropshire
Sorry to read this @Sammie234 but what you describe seems very common. That does not make it any easier to deal with. There is nothing practical that I can suggest. Dementia will have its way and as carers we can only get ready to accept each downturn as it comes. I hope that sharing your feelings here has helped you. I know many other members will echo my best wishes to you.
I know, think I just needed to rant, sometimes you just need to get it out and maybe for those just just starting on their journey it’ll be of help to understand what comes along ?
Sorry to hear this. I have my brother living with us. He's recently started to need help with putting the shower on.. and he needs prompts to change his clothes.. I have to stand outside the door if the shower and get the dirty clothes off him. ( that's if he hasn't out them back on instead of his clean ones)
He struggles to find certain words.. I worry about the next stages coming up too. Xx
I found that it’s best to take the clothes away so they don’t put them back on. Just put fresh ready for him. My oh is now scared of the shower so I lower the head right down on the rail so it’s no longer directly over him and have the pressure low.
 

lfox

Registered User
Oct 2, 2009
15
0
Manchester
I know, think I just needed to rant, sometimes you just need to get it out and maybe for those just just starting on their journey it’ll be of help to understand what comes along ?

I found that it’s best to take the clothes away so they don’t put them back on. Just put fresh ready for him. My oh is now scared of the shower so I lower the head right down on the rail so it’s no longer directly over him and have the pressure low.
 

lfox

Registered User
Oct 2, 2009
15
0
Manchester
I try and get as much of the dirty clothes as possible before he goes in the shower.. just hes my brother so I have to just clock what colour undies he has on and try and wait till the dirty ones are off and he's out with clean ones.. some days he's had 2 pairs on.. and if he's getting snappy I just say ok.. im hoping when he needs showering I can get someone in to help with that.. but I know seeing the comments that the stages get worse and if/when he goes incontinent I will have to clean him and shower him.. ??
 

Sammie234

Registered User
Oct 7, 2016
219
0
Shropshire
I try and get as much of the dirty clothes as possible before he goes in the shower.. just hes my brother so I have to just clock what colour undies he has on and try and wait till the dirty ones are off and he's out with clean ones.. some days he's had 2 pairs on.. and if he's getting snappy I just say ok.. im hoping when he needs showering I can get someone in to help with that.. but I know seeing the comments that the stages get worse and if/when he goes incontinent I will have to clean him and shower him.. ??
I know it’s really hard , more so being your brother as well as so young .Hopefully the incontinence may be a good time away for you yet.or it might not happen at all. Everyone’s journey is different by degrees.
 

Safi

Registered User
Apr 2, 2020
59
0
Hello Sammie, yes my husband very similar in diagnosis & age. He tried to explain to me that he can’t think of words anymore, then I asked him about it half an hour later & he didn’t understand. He struggles to express himself, often calling the dog another animal too. He can on occasions be more lucid & gets upset very easily. He often says he’s going to die & is frightened. He’s on Memantine to calm the anxiety but not sure it really does much good. It’s so upsetting seeing the man you love struggling for words & basically reverting to a child, often asking for his mother. There are many of us going through this, just try to stay strong.
 

Sammie234

Registered User
Oct 7, 2016
219
0
Shropshire
Hello Sammie, yes my husband very similar in diagnosis & age. He tried to explain to me that he can’t think of words anymore, then I asked him about it half an hour later & he didn’t understand. He struggles to express himself, often calling the dog another animal too. He can on occasions be more lucid & gets upset very easily. He often says he’s going to die & is frightened. He’s on Memantine to calm the anxiety but not sure it really does much good. It’s so upsetting seeing the man you love struggling for words & basically reverting to a child, often asking for his mother. There are many of us going through this, just try to stay strong.
T hanks for your reply, yes I know and I do try to stay strong but we can’t be all the time, so I needed to say how it’s changed since the last time I was on here which was before the lockdown to give it the context on how things can change in a couple of years.
 

gardener2

New member
Jul 25, 2022
7
0
Hello Sammie I am so sorry to read your message and again my husband is similar age. We are further on having gone through these stages. What has actually helped me is that my husband was in hospital (3 times now for various pneumonia, urine infections). He seemed to get used to the nurses washing him - he has not bathed or showered for 3 years. Early on I just asked myself does it really matter? Then I dealt with what really did, washing his top when I could middle and then feet. It might take a week but I managed at various times in the day. He slept in his clothes for 3 days at a time, but actually didn't smell. I drew the line at shoes in bed. I stopped shaving him and occasionally have trimmed his beard in bed (not recommended). The family joke is never fall asleep in our house you never know what might be trimmed filed or cleaned. When he became incontinent it made it easier rather than him getting to the toilet and soaking everywhere or getting upset when we went out desperate to find a toilet. Currently I have had to resort to carers - I am glad I didn't do it earlier as he may have been more difficult. They are excellent at just ignoring the protests and now he will have forgotten in 15 minutes or less. So my message to you is try not to get overstressed with the now problems, things will change and some may even get easier. I feel for you, it is lonely and my biggest fear is getting it wrong (I dropped him on the floor the other day but he survived with just a big bruise). We can only do our best and ASK FOR HELP, there are so many amazing people out there who will give generously. In our Cul de sac of 10 houses there isn't one that hasn't come to my aid at one time or another even if it is just bringing a bottle and glasses and sitting with me, in fact this has brought us together.
 

annieka 56

Registered User
Aug 8, 2022
244
0
Hi everyone, it’s ages since I’ve been on here when last on the oh was still capable of taking part in life to a greater degree, enjoying people and family though his hygiene was literally going down the pan. Well times changed. He literally hates going in the shower it scares him, He is now on bp tablets but gets tired even just walking short distances. He struggles to get upstairs and will only come down them with me in front saying put one foot down at a time. He is now doubly incontinent unless I manage to notice him getting agitated like getting up and down so can manage one less mess to clean up. Struggles to get on the loo, sometimes not recognising it’s a toilet. The worse though is he is losing the ability to construct a sentance when he does he calls the cat a cow or sees sheep and they become every animal under the sun. He has forgotten the names of family members. He mixes me and the daughter up. When we sit down and look at pics, he no longer recognises himself /family. He has no recall of his past let alone what happens in the future. We’ve started to listen to music much more lately and certain songs have him crying, so something is there or maybe it’s just the sound the actual music makes . I’m losing him. I hate this disease his diagnoses was in 2016 but he was off work nearly 2 yrs prior with his memory problems. So early onset on 63 he will be 72 next year . Sorry I took so long .
Sorry to read this @Sammie234 but what you describe seems very common. That does not make it any easier to deal with. There is nothing practical that I can suggest. Dementia will have its way and as carers we can only get ready to accept each downturn as it comes. I hope that sharing your feelings here has helped you. I know many other members will echo my best wishes to you.
 

annieka 56

Registered User
Aug 8, 2022
244
0
Hello Sammie

I hope your day has gone a little bit better.

I really identify with all your comments and concerns. My husband is the same age and it's been going on for roughly the same amount of time.

He can't communicate verbally at all now which I never anticipated.

I now spend all my days watching to see if he is just pacing out of anxiety or if he needs to go to the toilet. He hardly ever sits down, unless we go for a long car drive then as soon as we get back he thinks he's going out again - sometimes even before we get out of the car in the drive way.

By being constantly alert and asking him every few hours to go for a wee, that usually works but he has no idea how when he needs to poo. He gets angry when I ask him to sit on the toilet and finds it hard to sit on the toilet - do we need a higher one? how would that work?? - we haven't got any savings or money. Twice in the last week he has pood on the bathroom floor. A few times this year it happened on the bedroom floor when I went downstairs early. Awful. I have sisters, cousins and nieces who have been nurses and admire them hugely but I just find it unbearable dealing with poo.

It's not much of a life though is it just waiting for it to happen.

I keep saying to myself that a bit of poo isn't going to break me but perhaps it is.

Oh dear Sammie, I just don't know.
 

Mr.A

Registered User
Jun 5, 2021
73
0
Sammie 234, hello. Yes, incontinence must be the worst thing to deal with. There are so many twists and turns in dealing with this horrible, distressing disease. I have been through it all with my late wife. I think it would be as well if we were told what to expect because it's going to happen anyway. But it's knowing how to deal with the situation that matters and what help might be available. It was the worst decision I have ever had to make in my life but allowing her to go into care was the right and only decision for her and ensured that she received the care and attention she needed and which I could not possibly give her. And it allowed her to retain at least some dignity. Even whilst in care and she was bedridden, going to the toilet was a real problem for her because unfortunately their understanding of every day things is non existent and they don't know what to do. Through observation I got to know when a toilet need had arisen by her actions and sometimes words. Quite frankly they do not know what to do to relieve themselves. I never thought that I would have to talk someone into having a poo but that was what I had to do. Because they have no idea what a toilet is and what it's for, nevertheless their natural instinct seems to be telling them you just can't do it where you are, I used to have to coax her with childish and comforting words to convince her that she could just do it where she was, probably sometimes taking her on a short imaginary walk to an imaginary toilet. She would relieve herself and I would call for carers to come and change her incontinence pads. Then all would be well until next time. Not a pleasant subject but one which has to be faced and better we know what to expect. I only hope that this has helped in some way because I know it's a bit of a taboo subject but it is far better talked about in a sensible and understanding way if it helps someone in this situation. Talk to doctors, nurses and carers about it. It's an everyday occurence to them and they fully understand.