Sounding off

[Carrie Anne]

Mum was particularly down today on the phone. I popped over for a cuppa and to put the bins out. I could tell it was going to be a challenge, it would be easy today to be drawn into a downward spiral. She was trying to let me know how down she really was.

The thing is we have been having the conversation for years, and years, and years. The fact is she has never been prepared to make any changes to her life which would help her and has always thought up excuses why she can't
A) go out more
B) invite people over
C)accept invitations when they come her way

The result is no one bothers with her much anymore and she is lonely and dependent on me for all her getting out and about. These days more and more it seems to be very un exciting trips to the hospital, chiropodist or doctors surgery. She complains we never do anything nice, the fact is by the time I've washed her hair, persuaded her to wear socks that match and shoes from the same pair, found her purse,done her shopping,blah blah blah, there's no time to do much more. When we do go somewhere nice, it seems to spark off a deep gloom when we get home.

The most irritating thing is, when we go to the various appointments she seems to convince all these highly qualified medics that she's totally independent, a keen gardener and member of several clubs. This really is too frustrating.

She was really up for a row today, telling me I didn't have a clue about anything, but I did manage to make my excuses and leave before I flipped.
There are no answers I just need a moan.

 

[gillybean]

No problem, completely understand all of this, I've had a bad day too and as I was driving away I thought to myself, I won't be alone in this loads of other people will be feeling just like me today and unfortunately they are......

Rubbish isn't it?

 

[BLONDY]

My Mum told everyone she did not need, all I can say is take time and smell the roses does it really matter if socks match laugh and the world laughs with you cry and your on your own

Sent from my LC0901D using Talking Point mobile app

 

[susy]

Does she have anyone coming in (carer wise)? That may help you xx

As far as socks and shoes, I agree it really doesn't matter. As long as she is warm safe and fed, she is ok xxxx

It's good to rant, keep coming here to do it. I think of all the age related diseases this has to be the most frustrating.

 

[smailes]

Hey there, this is only my 2nd thread but already I know how you are feeling. It's only been a matter of a couple of weeks that I'm having to deal with this new experience. I live a couple of 100 miles away from my mother who is still self caring and independent buy awaiting a brain scan. She scored an average score for her memory test but has definite signs of dementia. This morning I telephone her and she's having a rough day. I'm in such a predicament as I've just taken 2 weeks off work to help her get her head round what's going on but now I must go back to work. She tells me she doesn't want to n speak to me and has since refused to answer her phone. What do I do with her. She still has her own mind and I can't sit with her constantly. It's just being so far doesn't make it easy. As I can't just go round and shake her out of her glum mood. I expect it's something I'm gonna have to get used to as she sure to have more low days.

 

[copsham]

Hi Carrie ann
Theoretically it does not matter whether socks match etc but when I was in the position with my mother, I was so tired, so low that to go out with my mother in a mess just knocked my self esteem even lower.

I think with dementia we all try our best, put on a brave face, turn our other cheek, ignore the stupidity of professionals, etc etc ... In the end the socks or whatever are symbolic of the lack of control we have over the dementia.

I say have a rant have a moan - when I do it makes me feel better

 

[Carrie Anne]

Thank you all for your replies. Just trying to save my husband's sanity really!

No,the shoes and socks combo won't kill anyone it's true, but my Mum was SO particular, SO organised SO smart before that I really can't bear the indignity of it on her behalf. I suppose if I let her go out like that to the Drs, with her greasy hair and stained clothes they might have a better idea. But I just can't yet.

Fortunately the CPN is now on board and she is going to visit this week and break the news to Mum that she really needs more care visits at mealtimes. (Only 1 short med visit each day at the mo). This is not going to help her low mood, could be a bit of a make or break moment really.