Sorting POA Tomorrow

[JHA]

Tomorrow I am taking my mom to a Solicitor recommended by my neighbour to attempt to get both POA's sorted.

Assuming the Solicitor deems that she has capacity to make the POA's does anyone have any top tips. I have tried as best I can to explain to my mom that the POA's will just be there so that I can help her in the future when she is not able to do things herself. She has Lewy Body Dementia was hospitalised for three weeks just after diagnosis (suspected infection), then had nearly five weeks in a Discharge to Assess bed where the Social Worker deemed she had capacity to decide if she could return home. She returned home with carers going in three times a day. Said carers are only a temporary measure provided by the Council and to be honest they do nothing she is capable of self care and I am doing the shopping, making sure she takes meds and sorting her meals etc. If my mom needs help in the future she would have to self fund as she owns her own property and has substantial savings.

I am an only child and my children are not old enough to go on the POA so it has been agreed that my moms brother will be included as either a replacement for me or to act jointly with me. Which would be best?

I truthfully just want the best for my mom and I would rather she had 24/7 care instead of being at home but home is where she wants to be so I have to go with her wishes whilst it is still possible.

 

[nitram]

so it has been agreed that my moms brother will be included as either a replacement for me or to act jointly with me. Which would be best?

Certainly not jointly.
Jointly and severally would give him equal power to you.
If you don't think he would interfere and just let you get on with everything this may be better than replacement as he could take over for any short period when you cannot act.

The solicitor should request that you, as proposed attorney, are not present whilst he assesses your mom, this could surprise her.

Try and get a few certified copies of the registered powers thrown in for free.

 

[JHA]

Certainly not jointly.
Jointly and severally would give him equal power to you.
If you don't think he would interfere and just let you get on with everything this may be better than replacement as he could take over for any short period when you cannot act.

The solicitor should request that you, as proposed attorney, are not present whilst he assesses your mom, this could surprise her.

Try and get a few certified copies of the registered powers thrown in for free.

Thank you for your help. My uncle is unlikely to want to do anything its just so there would be some backup just in case plus I can use him as a sounding post and to run things by him.

I did initially think about getting someone else to take my mom to see the solicitor but that has not proved possible. I will warn her tomorrow that the Solicitor may want to talk to her on her own and to be honest I would find that preferable. Just hope the Solicitor has a loud voice as my mom is very hard of hearing.

 

[Cazcaz]

You need to get the PoA sorted AND registered. To arrange the PoA isn’t enough , it must be registered too in order to be used. Be prepared to wait, it can take several weeks to get the PoA registered. We applied to get my mum’s registered in July, it came back about two weeks ago,

Attorneys working jointly and severally is best as long as both attorneys trust each other and there would be no conflict. Then you can work together or individually, one can take over from the other and then back again as often as needed.

 

[Sirena]

It depends on your relationship with her brother. There is the potential that the two of you may disagree about what type of care she should have and how her money should be spent. You can use him as a sounding board without him being POA.

I'm attorney for my mother, the POA was done before she developed dementia. It was set up so that when I needed to start using it my mother had to sign a letter asking the solicitor to release it (she was happy to do that). The solicitor keeps the original POA, and supplies me with certified copies when I need them.

Good luck tomorrow, let us know how you get on.

 

[Sarasa]

Hope it all goes well @JHA. Is your uncle going with you? My brother and I both went with mum to get it sorted and ours in jointly and severally so we can act together or individually, useful when my brother became too ill to do anything. Our respective spouses are back ups just in case. The solicitor explained things very clearly to mum and was very patient while she rambled on. At the time mum wasn't diagnosed with dementia, but it was obvious things weren't quite right, and certainly they nose-dived shortly afterwards. Get several certified copies of the POA ordered too. It will take some time to come through, I think it was about six weeks or so in our case.
When we got it sorted we went with mum to her main bank and got ourselves added as attorneys. Mum could still use her accounts, it just meant we could keep an eye on things on-line. It helps that mum banked with the same people I do, so I now have her accounts visible when I log onto my bank account.
If the solicitor decides your mother doesn't understand, at least you'll have more evidence that she actually hasn't got the capacity to decide where she lives.

 

[JHA]

I have a good relationship with my uncle and he knows that I only want the best outcome for my mom to be honest I do not think he will interfere as he is not really interested but will step up if the need arises.

I already do everything 'unofficially' for my mom it just means that when things get worse it will be a lot easier for me. Years ago my mom was selling her flat and was going on holiday so left instructions with her solicitor to give me authority to give the go ahead to exchange contracts on her behalf. Another time she bought her current bungalow and went away two days after completion when I dropped her at the airport she said I need to talk to you for a second - I expected some conversation about keeping an eye on the bungalow etc nope she wanted me to get her a new bathroom fitted whilst she was away!

I just want her to be safe, happy (this bit may be impossible) and cared for whilst this horrid condition takes hold of her.

 

[MartinWL]

You could have a clause added that the brother could only act if you were unable to do so. That would provide backup but avoid any disagreement.

 

[JHA]

Sorry it has taken me so long to update. The initial appointment went well - to be honest I expected the POAs to be done that day but the Solicitor sent drafts out and then we had to go back yesterday to sign. In the end went for both my uncle and I to act either jointly or separately. From conversations with my uncle he will be leaving everything to me and will only get involved if I need advice or to talk things through or cannot act for any reason.

My mom understood why we were doing the POA and the Solicitor was happy that she understood what she was doing. As Nitram said above I did leave the room yesterday whilst the Solicitor talked to my mom in private.

Thanks everyone for the advice its now just a waiting game for the POA to be registered.

 

[Sarasa]

That's such good news @JHA. It'll make everything much easier in the future.
How's your mum getting on?

 

[JHA]

That's such good news @JHA. It'll make everything much easier in the future.
How's your mum getting on?

My mom seems to be getting on ok at home, getting herself washed/dressed, eating, drinking, watching TV and reading magazines, little bit of gardening/housework. I am going twice a day to make sure she takes meds, has her lunch and tea plus there was 3 visits from the carers which she hated. Social Services started to press for me to arrange alternative care so I got in touch with the preferred company who basically ignored me until I got in touch again - sadly they could not offer what I thought she needed so two others were sourced. To cut a long story short mom refused point blank to pay and I cannot afford to fund it. The carers stopped going in last week so it is now down to me. Not sure how long this good period will last but as everyone says she has capacity to make the decision to be at home I am stuck. My aunt (her sister in law) visited today and I overheard my mom telling her how good I have been to her since she has been poorly.

 

[Sarasa]

Do be careful about getting sucked into being your mum's full-time carer @JHA specially as you have your son to consider too.

 

[canary]

I agree with Sarasa, all the while you are doing everything for your mum she will not see any reason why she needs to get carers in. Work out now what you can (and what you cant) do and stick to it. Be prepared to say no to your mum when necessary otherwise you will just slide into full time caring.