I've never posted on here before but was a regular reader whilst my husband was ill. He died in April last year. I have left all of his things exactly where they were. He could easily have stepped back into his life anytime and everything would be where he left it. It wasn't deliberate... I coped with his illness by being busy. He originally had lung cancer, but ironically, he beat that. It never did show it's face again. However, he had preventative radiotherapy to his brain (Prophylactic cranial radiotherapy) and that was the treatment that caused his death. The damage it caused accelerated the ageing process and ultimately gave him vascular dementia. I was his carer and also worked to pay the bills. We had a carer from an agency whilst I was at work but other than that, it was down to me. I coped emotionally, as I said, by keeping busy. It wasn't hard!! If I could just keep busy, busy, busy, I didn't have to face reality. It wouldnt be able to catch me. Ultimately, it did.
Anyway, as I said, my husband died in April last year and I've coped with the loss the same way I coped with the illness. Being busy! I took on extra hours at work and just kept going.
I now have some time on my hands and yesterday attempted to empty his wardrobe. Well, I did empty it. Not only did I empty it, I spent the afternoon making a teddy bear out of a pair of his overalls. I then spent the night sobbing. Sobbing and sobbing.
Today I woke up feeling better. Well, I wasn't sobbing. I was just really.... dead, for want of a better description. An hour ago I decided to get the bin bags back in from the garden and I have put everything back exactly where it was.
I clearly wasn't ready. Maybe I won't ever be. What I've learnt today is that it doesn't matter. It isn't hurting anyone to have his things there. If they're there forever that's ok.
xxx
Anyway, as I said, my husband died in April last year and I've coped with the loss the same way I coped with the illness. Being busy! I took on extra hours at work and just kept going.
I now have some time on my hands and yesterday attempted to empty his wardrobe. Well, I did empty it. Not only did I empty it, I spent the afternoon making a teddy bear out of a pair of his overalls. I then spent the night sobbing. Sobbing and sobbing.
Today I woke up feeling better. Well, I wasn't sobbing. I was just really.... dead, for want of a better description. An hour ago I decided to get the bin bags back in from the garden and I have put everything back exactly where it was.
I clearly wasn't ready. Maybe I won't ever be. What I've learnt today is that it doesn't matter. It isn't hurting anyone to have his things there. If they're there forever that's ok.
xxx