Are you frightened? Do you think she is deteriorating?
Yes I am, I am frightened. Its really scary and I don’t know why I am scared , What can I do, how do I stop wanting to just cry, I keep holding it all in, how I have just let those tears flow feel better , just that I want to cry my eyes out , but not upset anyone , I don’t get the time to organise to go counselling and if I go counselling all I would do is cry , they tell me to go for a walk, go window shopping, but those feeling are still within me maybe I should get ant depression . I learn to live with AZ, but now do I learn to live within myself feeling like this
This happen in the summer and I put it down to the heat.
I feel why did I give my mother this medication, why did I think it was a cure, its prolonging the inevitable, it was not for a cure, its just prolonging it and its hitting me now
I meet someone elderly lady at the bus stop today, we got talking and she told me that her mother 92 and in a care come, she said her mother went funny in the head, I said oh you mean she got AZ. I then told her I did not know what AZ dementia was before my mother got it.
She look at me strangely & said how could you not of none? Well I said I thought mum was going mad,( I did not say that I thought she would of ended up in a mental home ) . The woman had the cheek to say that AZ is not a disease . well I was explaining the different , which was point less , lucky I am not a rude person so when she change the subject I went along with it . Later on it May me wonder, have I lost the plot am I missing something and my fear I now know I am scared of the unknown, not knowing what to expect, what to believe.
I have been brought up around people with mental illness, they take medication and with rehabilitation they can get better they can’t die of it unless its self inflicted, they don’t show the sighs of what my mother is showing.
This medication for AZ is giving my mother yes good end of life, that is not a text book of AZ how she would be if she did not have this medication, so before I blow it all out of proportion in my mind, I share it write it all out so I can get it clear in my mind , that I done the right thing , I don’t want to be scared . I don’t want her to die and I don’t want to see her slowly sleep her end of life away.
So thank- you yes so older people do sleep a lot , and if I look back to last summer when this happen before , yes it could be a healing to sleep because like last summer when this happen after a mouth or 2 she came back to me , I did get her check up back then and the lady from the memory clinic who was not very happy doing another memory test again on mum told me mum had drop 2 points its all so strange and I just wandering if its all part of the dementia , so maybe what I am seeing is my mother take another drop.
