Sorry, evidently I'm on this site in error

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by janey106, Jan 6, 2015.

  1. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    Finally, after weeks of hell, (on top of previous 3 years of incessant demands, needs, issues etc) get to see Mum's GP. despite demonstrating every dementia symptom, dozens of times over with progression to different stages; me, Dad and sister told by her GP that he is sure her symptoms are just extreme anxiety, 'the more ragged bits of her personality showing' (vile, obscene, paranoid, hateful, spiteful then like an old lady on deaths door) coupled to her 'behavioural and social' issues. Because she is choosing not to eat for best part of 3 weeks and then can be motivated to 'perform' for him, she is demonstrating competence. His advice, back off, leave her and don't pander to her as we are making it worse and even though she doesn't take her meds or feed herself, drives (!), can't make more than a cup of tea, can't remember within 20 mins that her daughter just spent two hours with her, she is competent. We are too close to her .... Forget that Dad is in pieces looking after her and aged 81, it is killing him... Basically told us we are all wrong. So sorry to all you lovely people who have been supporting me and the family I love but I evidently should not be on here because my Mother is just 'upset' and is probably acting some of it out. Powerless to protect, helpless to do anything and now feel totally paralysed and shut down. Sorry, thank you for listening and all your advice but apparently she is just anxious and a mean ........ Rant over ..... Exhausted with caring
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,435
    New doctor I would think. One who has some clue about dementia.

    I am really sorry you had to deal with this person: sounds a lot like one of my mother's doctors. I was really relieved when I moved her and had to get a new GP.
     
  3. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,302
    Cotswolds
    Oh janey! :(

    This really is not good enough. On what basis does your mum' GP reach these drastic conclusions? Has she had any tests? A brain scan? Even some time spent by a specialist like a CPN, or a referral to a memory clinic?

    I agree with Jennifer, it seems like a change of GP might help. Or maybe an assessment via social services? You can refer your mum yourself, a doctor doesn't have to do it.

    Although I have to say that my mum refused to co-operate, and that might take some getting around......

    Maybe call your local Alzheimer's Society or ring the helpline?

    Sorry if you've done these things already. Details are at the top right of the page under 'Resources'.

    Wishing you well :)

    Lindy xx
     
  4. 2197alexandra

    2197alexandra Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    355
    Sileby
    Change doctor quick. My dad's doctor wad like this. Dad was fine according to him. I changed doctors and his new ones were fabulous. Two years later he died from lewy body dementia.
     
  5. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,589
    One day, Janey, all of this dross will be kicked out of the pot.

    Don't lose faith in all the caring professions because you came across one who is useless.

    And don't lose heart.

    Stay strong. You know what's what.

    Change GP.
    Betchya bottom dollar you get a better response from another GP.

    The other GP? useless backward looking dinosaur....:mad:

    And make sure you register your dissatisfaction with this particular GP with your local Clinical Commissioning Group...don't let your tears and upset be in vain...sting the b*gger back.

    That'll make you feel TONS better.

    http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Clinical Commissioning Group/LocationSearch/1
     
  6. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    As if life isn't hard enough .... The last thing you need is an unsympathetic Gp. That one obviously didn't want to earn her £55!! (I know they've stopped it now)

    I can only agree with the advice from Jennifer and Lindy.
    Her diagnosis or lack of it is awful, I find it unbelievable. I would certainly make contact with SS; it sounds like dad needs a carers assessment too.

    You are definitely in the right place, so don't you dare go anywhere!
     
  7. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    This is my fear. He won't refer her to memory clinics, mental health OT working at snail pace and Mum refusing any tests. Told me if I think she is vulnerable financially (loses cards money etc) then we should take it off her .... Challenged him by pointing out he just told me she is competent so why would I do that? He refused to tell me her previous dosage on levothyroxine which was changed 'as a matter of urgency' last Friday down to 50 mgs when a new GP reviewed her blood results (overdosing can cause dementia like symptoms) in his absence...... Covering his back? So wish she would go to another one but he is backing her .... Why would she agree to anyone else? Basically left it that we have to wait for something serious to happen ......

    Thank you for replying..... I fear I am sounding like I'm on a crusade to have her diagnosed.... It isn't thT, I just want her and DD safe.
     
  8. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    Thanks Lindy, I have posted some more detail and yes there is a CPN involved but as stated, getting nowhere fast and because of patient confidentiality tells us nothing. I rang local Dementia office but they only offer support group during day and I have to work full-time. They suggested Carer's Resource for Dad but he is fearful about getting this for himself as Mum vile and actively trying to stop anyone else being involved. Not giving up but I know I need to pull back, get focused again at work and give my partner and children some non-stressed me. It sucks you dry doesn't it?
     
  9. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    We already held back one letter of complaint but you are right, not giving up ... he is a smug b****r.
     
  10. 2197alexandra

    2197alexandra Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    355
    Sileby
    Poa for health and welfare will sort out and confidentiality issues.

    Also when I changed dad's gp to one in my village when he moved in with me. I went and saw both practice managers at both surgery's before hand and ask ed them straight how do you deal with dementia patients cause if it's not the best I'm not coming. I chose the one the gave me the most honest and how can i put it non text book answers. They were outstanding from start to finish with him.
     
  11. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    I'm s bit confused with these, we have POA for both but they need to be 'enacted' according to GP and to do that he would have to say she doesn't have capacity and he won't say that! Need to speak to Solicitor I guess.
     
  12. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,435
    They need to be registered. It's possible they also require some kind of documentation that she has lost capacity, but equally, quite possibly not. You'd have to look at them to see. A health and welfare LPA cannot be used until capacity has been lost (a finance one can be) but they can be registered in advance (and probably should be as registration can take 12-13 weeks).
     
  13. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    2,675
    When my mum was rushed into hospital by ambulance after clearly suffering some sort of stroke (correctly diagnosed by my completely medically untrained brother!) she was diagnosed as having had "a nervous breakdown" ! He nearly sent her home. She was quietly having a haemorrhagic stroke at the time.

    Then, years later, at the memory clinic she was diagnosed with "depression". I, and everyone close to her, knew she was showing signs of dementia.

    We know our parents/partners better than anyone. I've had to push several times on her behalf. It shouldn't be this hard!

    Don't give up. Be annoyed, but don't give up (and stay with us!) xxx
     
  14. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,435
    Yes, that is the word: smug. I can't speak to his parentage of course... ;)
     
  15. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Janey-like others I implore you to fast foot your Mum to a new GP.

    My OH was told for years that he suffered from anxiety by Psychologists/psychiatrists and even a Neurologist who looked at a scan that clearly showed he had Dementia. (the scan was looked at again by a Hospital Consultant and the signs were all there).

    Perhaps you could try a slightly different approach and take your DAD to a GP and ask him to explain that he is nearly on his knees with caring.

    Keep a diary of events/causes for concern.

    Smug and B------ were the words I frequently used until Pete got the help he needed.:eek:;)

    So sorry that you have to fight like this-it should never happen, but it does all too often

    Take care

    Lyn T XX
     
  16. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    Thank you Lyn, Dad was at this meeting with GP and broke down several times but I think you are right about him seeing someone else more frequently for himself. My Sister and I agreed we will start keeping daily diary and we are going to look at registering POA where possible so ready to use if needed. Asked Dad to start ringing GP or out of hours GPs when she has her meltdowns as we want them to see for themselves. Seeing my own GP for first time in years this morning .... For me ..... Think my own body telling me it can't take on any more. Always been strong, calm, caring etc but feeling like burn-out creeping in.
     
  17. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    This has finally gotten the better of me and I'm now on beta blockers. i feel hollow, detached, burnt out with her. I actually don't care what happens to her, let the car crash happen, let her stop eating ..... Even her grand-children who are truly wonderful young people, are appalled with her .... I actually wonder if she is just a master at manipulating us all. Don't judge me for it please, just had enough. Backing away.
     
  18. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,403
    Kent
    Hello janey

    I doubt anyone would behave in this way by choice , but it doesn`t mean you should be forced to accept it. Perhaps you may get some results if you do stand back however painful it may be for your father.

    My husband`s behaviour was unbearable for a few years prior to diagnosis and I do know how impossible it is to live with.
    I struggled , not having a clue what was wrong and dementia was not diagnosed until six years later.
     
  19. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    Unbelievable. Today the OT and her fairly invisible (until now) senior colleague have visited Mum and Dad and told Mum they believe she has dementia or Alzheimer's and would like her to go for a full brain scan. On Tuesday GP told us she categorically didn't have it (see earlier posts). Would it be too much to ask for them to share information, share a way forward that helps two old, poorly people.
    I still feel numb; there is no joy in hearing that we may after all have been right but there is a sense of relief that finally someone is listening. If Mum will go for the scan and IF it is diagnosed, that arrogant, rude, ignorant smug GP is going to get one hell of a complaint lodged against him.
    Mum still won't talk to me, she thinks it's my fault she is poorly. :(
     
  20. Spiro

    Spiro Registered User

    Mar 11, 2012
    522
    Is your Mum's GP a single handed GP? Otherwise couldn't you see one of the other partners at the practice? Said GP is letting down two patients - your Mum, and your Dad (assuming they are both registered with the same GP).

    A solicitor who is a member of Solicitors for the Elderly can do both POAs. They have to interview the donor alone for about fifteen minutes, to satisfy themselves that the donor has the capacity to appoint an attorney.
     

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