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Sorry, asking more questions

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
145
0
Hi everyone, hope you are all enjoying the good weather.
I have mentioned before OH wanders, but it seems to be getting worse, he is in and out of the house every few minutes, he says he feels really ill, goes for a lie down, gets up, 10mins later, goes for a lie down, sits in one chair, moves to another, sits in another room, comes back to his previous seat, sometimes doesn't realise he has only just moved. Always wanting to go to the place where he grew up etc. I've tried taking him for short trips, because he always wants to come home after a short time. I'm really tired today and wanted to stay home and try to catch up with a couple of household jobs...just can't spend any time on anything without constant interruptions..
What I would like to know is if this behaviour is 'normal' if you excuse my phrase, and what I can do to help him. At the moment I'm just letting him do what he thinks he needs to do, is this the best way?
Thanks for reading, really appreciate any feedback
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,788
0
Southampton
maybe talk to the gp and get referral to the mental health team to see if they can prescribe something that will calm him down a bit. that sounds exhausting.
 

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
145
0
maybe talk to the gp and get referral to the mental health team to see if they can prescribe something that will calm him down a bit. that sounds exhausting.
Thanks, I will ask the alzheimer's nurse, don't want him too drugged, but I'm pretty sure it can't be good for him, he is so agitated all the time. I just wondered if it is something that others had been through.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,498
0
68
Toronto, Canada
No, it cannot be good for him to be agitated all the time @Bakerst My mother was extremely agitated, unfortunately in her case she became verbally and physically abusive. We did have meds for her but they did to be carefully monitored. The meds did help her.
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
200
0
Also try sharing the caring with someone else? Tell him it’s a new friend. Will help you both.
 

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
145
0
Thanks all, OH is on trazodone and Mirtazapine to help calm him for sundowning and to try to help him sleep at night, sometimes they work, but still gets up on a regular basis.
At the moment there is no care available to help, my 83 yr old Mum will sit with him while I go to appts etc, his Daughter and my Daughter will sit with him if I need in the evening when I go to work..I've had to leave because it was so difficult but they offered to let me go on casual basis so I don't have to go on a regular basis...only when I can arrange it..they both work through the day. I know it's work, but it's the only break I get. I'm lucky in that respect.
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
854
0
@Bakerst, have you considered getting in sitters / befrienders or carers? Some charities supply sitters / befrienders and similar services can be arranged through a commercial care agency.
 

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
145
0
@Bakerst, have you considered getting in sitters / befrienders or carers? Some charities supply sitters / befrienders and similar services can be arranged through a commercial care agency.
I'm seeing somebody this week..adult care messed up OH's assessment and carers assessment, don't know how he will accept any strangers, thinks there is nothing wrong with him, thinks it's 'old age' memory problems. He has to know exactly where I am all the time, follows me, shouts for me even when I am in the shower. He has lost perception of length of time and doesn't realise how confused he is. We are just going through a bad spell I think 🤞
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
200
0
My oh was exactly like this. I think it is quite common. Also I continued working part time. I had no relatives but found friends and also employed carers direct.

The carers took him on walks, out to cafes or just watched TV. It was a life saver for both of us. Over the years they became friends to both of us. Some were retired, some were students. I had to be very determined and work hard to find them, but it was worth it. Good luck!!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,479
0
South coast
He has to know exactly where I am all the time, follows me, shouts for me even when I am in the shower. He has lost perception of length of time and doesn't realise how confused he is
It sounds like he has reached the "shadowing "stage. Many people with dementia develop a fear of being on their own and want to keep someone in sight all their waking life, though, of course, when they are with someone they forget this.

This is the stage where for your own health and sanity you have to get him used to having carers around and other people, apart from you, doing things for him. BTW I am not joking about the "for your own health" - carers are 23% more likely to have a stroke or heart attack than non-carers.......
 

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
145
0
It sounds like he has reached the "shadowing "stage. Many people with dementia develop a fear of being on their own and want to keep someone in sight all their waking life, though, of course, when they are with someone they forget this.

This is the stage where for your own health and sanity you have to get him used to having carers around and other people, apart from you, doing things for him. BTW I am not joking about the "for your own health" - carers are 23% more likely to have a stroke or heart attack than non-carers.......
Thanks canary, he has been shadowing me for a few months now, I have grown used to it, as we do with most things as carers, I'm afraid the more we accept things and they become the 'norm' the more it takes a toll on our health.
It is the constant wandering and moving from room to room, chair to chair, going to bed, getting up...and following me which is wearing and worrying. His short term memory has totally gone and the confusion is much worse. Don't know if it's another stage or a step towards one
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
200
0
Thanks canary, he has been shadowing me for a few months now, I have grown used to it, as we do with most things as carers, I'm afraid the more we accept things and they become the 'norm' the more it takes a toll on our health.
It is the constant wandering and moving from room to room, chair to chair, going to bed, getting up...and following me which is wearing and worrying. His short term memory has totally gone and the confusion is much worse. Don't know if it's another stage or a step towards one
Definitely another step, I would say. I would start enlisting friendly companionship as soon as you can. Starting with a ‘cleaner’ might be a good ploy as @canary suggests.

In our case, To begin with I found men who were roughly his own age. I never ever used the word ‘carer’ though (even though some were employed as such). I always introduced them as friends. One was in fact a friend and I didn’t pay him I just covered his expenses (petrol, coffee etc), the other I employed direct with the help of a specialist not-for-profit employment agency who took care of the legal and tax paperwork for a very small and reasonable fee. As time progressed I employed a wider range of people as by then he was used to the arrangement and also his cognitive decline was more marked. I paid using his PIP and I covered his minimal living costs from my wages.

I started with just 3 hours a week and built up to many more over a 4 year period.
 
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Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
145
0
Thank you, I have a Dementia Nurse coming tomorrow to discuss our options, as I have mentioned LA have kind of dismissed my concerns, but the Nurse has told me the young man has given me the wrong information. OH is very friendly with everyone, loves a chat ( I feel sorry for any delivery/ workman/ post man etc who comes on our road..he shoots out as soon as he sees them and talks to them for ages) so I am hoping I can introduce anyone, like you, as a friend 🤞OH gets Attendance Allowance, so could pay something out of that ( it has been supplementing my lost wages since I had to give up my regular hours) I'm not fanatic over housework, but would love a couple of hours uninterrupted to catch up with a bit of spring cleaning/garden work/ paperwork etc 😀
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,479
0
South coast
OH gets Attendance Allowance, so could pay something out of that ( it has been supplementing my lost wages since I had to give up my regular hours)
I dont know how much you are earning, but if its £132.00 or less, you should be eligible for Carers Allowance.
 

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
145
0
Nothing much at the moment canary, my old job has offered casual work for anytime I can go in, I feel I am really lucky with that option, just hoping I will be able to take them up on it! It's definitely less, so will ask about it. Thank you
 

Ellek

New member
May 21, 2022
6
0
Hi, I am a caregiver for my brother who likes to walk and has gone missing.. he now has a stylish GPS watch on from Theora Care which also has the capacity to make calls on to two people which has been a game changer. They also have insoles with GPS in them.
 

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
145
0
Hi, I am a caregiver for my brother who likes to walk and has gone missing.. he now has a stylish GPS watch on from Theora Care which also has the capacity to make calls on to two people which has been a game changer. They also have insoles with GPS in them.
Thank you, OH won't wear a watch but the insoles are a good idea 😉
 

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