Sometimes I need it to be about me!

[KathrynAnne]

So today is a bit of an anniversary for me. 9 years ago to the day I was told I had breast cancer. I’m glad to say I’m in remission and all is good. I like to mark the day by raising a glass of fizz to say I’m still here and winning the battle.
At the time of my diagnosis my Mum was a great support and was obviously very concerned about me. However, she was already showing signs of mild cognitive impairment even then. 9 years on and she sometimes doesn’t realise that the woman sitting by her side is her daughter.
We’ve had a fairly good day today with Mum although she got very cross and stroppy when we asked her not to give the dogs any of her cake. She can’t understand that some of what we eat isn’t good for animals! It was also a bit of a trial getting her ready for bed. She doesn’t think she lives here and can’t understand where my Dad is (he passed away in 2012) or where her parents or grandparents are. She also doesn’t like me helping her get her nightclothes on but could never manage it herself. Fortunately I got Mum to bed at 9pm and while I was settling her my OH nipped round to the co-op and got a bottle of Prosecco. I’d said I fancied a drink but I’m sure he’s not realised the significance of the day. So I’ve now had a couple of hours of me time. Not sure how many times I will get woken up on the night though!
It just seems a never ending battle of supporting the PWD. Us carers also have our issues and need support. Today especially I just feel like I need that extra bit of TLC and years ago I would have turned to my Mum and she would have been there for me.

 

[Amethyst59]

Instead you have us. Second best...but still here. I will raise a glass with you. 9 years....hurray! Congratulations. At least we got one disease beaten this evening.

 

[Lindy50]

Hi @KathrynAnne
Just seconding @Amethyst59 xx

 

[karaokePete]

Have a virtual ((HUG)) from me too.

However, don't tell your OH, I'm only little!

 

[KathrynAnne]

Thanks guys! You’ve made me smile Love you all xx

 

[looviloo]

I would have responded earlier, but didn't have access to a computer (I read the forum on my phone)... firstly, congratulations on your 9 year anniversary! I hope you enjoyed your well deserved fizz and had a relatively undisturbed night .

Your message struck a cord with me because I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013. At the time I'd been supporting dad to live independently for about 9 years, making regular trips back and forth, sorting out problems, stocking the fridge etc. It all came a crashing halt when I had to go through treatment. Dad of course was sympathetic but unable to help as he no longer drove, and to be honest I don't think he fully understood what was happening.

So when dad's crisis happened in 2015 (a serious fall) we made the decision for dad to move into a care home. It was as much about me and my health as it was about dad... but extremely difficult all the same. My caring hasn't stopped, there has still been a lot of work and stress, but made easier by outside support.

So I totally get what you were feeling when you wrote your original post - we have to look after ourselves and that really is the only answer imo. I often feel sad about the situation. Dad seems to think I'm still in my twenties! If only! I miss the care he used to give me, now that the tables have turned. And sometimes, I hate to say it, I feel resentful. And I've become somebody I never thought I'd be, since I always used to put others first but now... well... I've developed a thicker skin, as self-preservation. I hope this is making sense to you. I felt the need to let you know my situation so that you (hopefully) know that there are others out there going through similar situations and feelings x

Do take care of yourself and keep winning the battle. You matter too!!!

 

[Kikki21]

Raising a glass to you too! Well done & yes self care is very important indeed xx

 

[Jale]

Apologies for this being a bit late, but congratulations on your 9 year anniversary, definitely worth celebrating and so sending hugs to you.

Very often mum goes to bed fully dressed as she sometimes won't let the carers undress her, other times its her bra and nightie. Used to worry about it but don't now, it doesn't hurt her and she gets clean clothes on in the morning when they wash her. I'm learning quite quickly to pick my battles with mum as sometimes you just can't win

Take Care x

 

[KathrynAnne]

I would have responded earlier, but didn't have access to a computer (I read the forum on my phone)... firstly, congratulations on your 9 year anniversary! I hope you enjoyed your well deserved fizz and had a relatively undisturbed night .

Your message struck a cord with me because I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013. At the time I'd been supporting dad to live independently for about 9 years, making regular trips back and forth, sorting out problems, stocking the fridge etc. It all came a crashing halt when I had to go through treatment. Dad of course was sympathetic but unable to help as he no longer drove, and to be honest I don't think he fully understood what was happening.

So when dad's crisis happened in 2015 (a serious fall) we made the decision for dad to move into a care home. It was as much about me and my health as it was about dad... but extremely difficult all the same. My caring hasn't stopped, there has still been a lot of work and stress, but made easier by outside support.

So I totally get what you were feeling when you wrote your original post - we have to look after ourselves and that really is the only answer imo. I often feel sad about the situation. Dad seems to think I'm still in my twenties! If only! I miss the care he used to give me, now that the tables have turned. And sometimes, I hate to say it, I feel resentful. And I've become somebody I never thought I'd be, since I always used to put others first but now... well... I've developed a thicker skin, as self-preservation. I hope this is making sense to you. I felt the need to let you know my situation so that you (hopefully) know that there are others out there going through similar situations and feelings x

Do take care of yourself and keep winning the battle. You matter too!!!

Thank you Looviloo. It’s great how TP gets us connected to people who have such similar life experiences. As carers we are often told to look after ourselves and take time out to enjoy ourselves but sometimes that is easier said than done! I do have lots of positives in my life though and I suppose I can get so overwhelmed with looking after Mum that I lose sight of everything else. I’ve got a very understanding OH, 2 wonderful daughters and a beautiful 8 month old granddaughter. My health also is good at the moment (touch wood) and I hope the same is true for you xx

 

[KathrynAnne]

Apologies for this being a bit late, but congratulations on your 9 year anniversary, definitely worth celebrating and so sending hugs to you.

Very often mum goes to bed fully dressed as she sometimes won't let the carers undress her, other times its her bra and nightie. Used to worry about it but don't now, it doesn't hurt her and she gets clean clothes on in the morning when they wash her. I'm learning quite quickly to pick my battles with mum as sometimes you just can't win

Take Care x

Thank you for your reply Jale. Your advice about picking battles is spot on. I’m slowly learning to stop arguing or trying to reason. It just doesn’t work!

 

[KathrynAnne]

Raising a glass to you too! Well done & yes self care is very important indeed xx

Thank you Kikki21 xx

 

[myss]

@KathrynAnne I don't have a glass of fizz at the moment but I belatedly raise my glass of Ribena to you, your 9 year anniversary and that fact that you're in remission. Long may it continue! xx