Following my last post, my Mum has just recovered from a urine infection after 3/4 weeks of packing to go 'home' and being very muddled. Her GP visited as my mum said she had hurt her back and could hardly walk. Apparently she has bruised her coccyx and her buttocks! My mum has said she has not fallen (not that she would remember) and that her pain is across her back. A week later and she is still complaining and is visibly suffering with this 'back condition'. She is not eating very much and I do not think she in drinking much either. The GP said she looks disshevelled! I actually managed to get her to change her blouse today but she is looking grubby. She would be horrified if she knew how she was. She has started soiling the bed too. Do I now get social services back for another assessment or do I just set up care myself? As she has a reasonable amount of savings I assume she will be self funding. What will Social services need to know and what will they actually do? Or do I try Help the Aged or the Alzheimers Society. I would appreciate your comments. Thank you.
Social worker or do it myself?
- Thread starter Flake
- Start date
Hi Flake, this sounds like a time to be calling everyone.....the Doctors practice for a referral to the Incontinence Clinic. The Social Services for a Needs Assessment for Mum and a Carer's assessment for yourself even if Mum is self financing, they should be able to give you access to agencies. Have you applied for Attendance Allowance for Mum? Do you have POA in place both LPA and Health and Welfare...
I had to put Mum's clean clothes out every day.....and put her dirty ones into the laundry. I just ignored her when she said she had only changed back because she wasn't going out. I actually got to the stage of telling her that her hair smelled
and that her nails needed scrubbing and cutting. I ended up cutting her fingernails....the chiropodist had to do her toenails....I couldn't !
Basically, you have to be stricter with Mum, strong with the SS, desperate with the Docs.....and kind to yourself.
I had to put Mum's clean clothes out every day.....and put her dirty ones into the laundry. I just ignored her when she said she had only changed back because she wasn't going out. I actually got to the stage of telling her that her hair smelled
and that her nails needed scrubbing and cutting. I ended up cutting her fingernails....the chiropodist had to do her toenails....I couldn't !Basically, you have to be stricter with Mum, strong with the SS, desperate with the Docs.....and kind to yourself.
Hello Flake,
When I recently talked to a Social Worker here in Herts regarding a financial assessment I was told it would take about 6 months for them to get to us. It has taken weeks to get in contact with a social worker. Not all areas are as bad but I would do stuff for yourself for now whilst waiting for an assessment which I would request straight away.
Tre
When I recently talked to a Social Worker here in Herts regarding a financial assessment I was told it would take about 6 months for them to get to us. It has taken weeks to get in contact with a social worker. Not all areas are as bad but I would do stuff for yourself for now whilst waiting for an assessment which I would request straight away.
Tre
Hi Flake, this sounds like a time to be calling everyone.....the Doctors practice for a referral to the Incontinence Clinic. The Social Services for a Needs Assessment for Mum and a Carer's assessment for yourself even if Mum is self financing, they should be able to give you access to agencies. Have you applied for Attendance Allowance for Mum? Do you have POA in place both LPA and Health and Welfare...
I had to put Mum's clean clothes out every day.....and put her dirty ones into the laundry. I just ignored her when she said she had only changed back because she wasn't going out. I actually got to the stage of telling her that her hair smelled
Basically, you have to be stricter with Mum, strong with the SS, desperate with the Docs.....and kind to yourself.
Its all changed today. After a call to the GP as my Mum was in severe pain with her back, at which she was offered, after a visit from another doctor, Cocodamol and Ibuprofen Gel, and then me having a rant at the Surgery, they advised to call an ambulance. Shortened version, after finding her in bed, Mum is now in Hospital with an acute kidney infection. The paramedics were brilliant and have said that she will now get an assessment for home care as they have advised she cannot cope on her own.
She is in receipt of AA and I have both POA's. On leaving for the Hospital she did actually agree that she is finding it hard to cope at times.
I am so cross with the GP's for missing something so obvious
Hi Piph, Thanks for your reply. Yes her savings are just over the £25,000. As I have said in my other response, Mum is now in hospital with a kidney infection and the Paramedics have said she will now get an assessment for care. I can now have a ring round and see what agencies etc are best and get something in place when she is home. Thanks
Flake, I'm sorry to hear your mum is in hospital with a kidney infection BUT hope that now perhaps you will be able to get the services you need. I'm glad the paramedics were responsive and helpful. Please let us know how things go.
Flake sorry your mum has been taken into hospital - but it may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
Dad had a short spell in hospital and then because he lived on his own had 6 weeks of care and assessment from a reablement team - carers in 4 times a day (a fantastic bunch) and visits from physio, OT etc so he also had some equipment put in eg grip rails, the carephone system, emergency alarm pendant, door monitor .... and although he is self funding, because the ongoing care came from this and was brokered by the LA he got their rates. All this to help him stay in his home safely and not need more hospital visits.
So ask if your LA has such a system in place - and tell them you will not accept your mother home until full assessments are carried out as she is a vulnerable adult - and that you cannot be responsible for her care when she returns.
Let everyone you come across know her situation as it really is, this is no time to hold back - hopefully it is the opportunity to get your mum's needs acknowledged and taken care of.
And you can also then have the chance to see to yourself as carer.
Best wishes for a good recovery for you mum - and a positive outcome to your overall situation
Dad had a short spell in hospital and then because he lived on his own had 6 weeks of care and assessment from a reablement team - carers in 4 times a day (a fantastic bunch) and visits from physio, OT etc so he also had some equipment put in eg grip rails, the carephone system, emergency alarm pendant, door monitor .... and although he is self funding, because the ongoing care came from this and was brokered by the LA he got their rates. All this to help him stay in his home safely and not need more hospital visits.
So ask if your LA has such a system in place - and tell them you will not accept your mother home until full assessments are carried out as she is a vulnerable adult - and that you cannot be responsible for her care when she returns.
Let everyone you come across know her situation as it really is, this is no time to hold back - hopefully it is the opportunity to get your mum's needs acknowledged and taken care of.
And you can also then have the chance to see to yourself as carer.
Best wishes for a good recovery for you mum - and a positive outcome to your overall situation
Wise words there from Schedrech. A hospital stay is a good opportunity to get a raft of things in place. As S says, make sure everyone is aware that she cannot come home until all is in place. At least its summer . . . not such pressure on beds as in wintertime.
Shedrech and Chrisdee. I do think you are right, and it is a blessing in disguise. After my visit to the Hospital, at which my Mum thought I was taking her home, and speaking to the nursing staff, she will be there for 7 days and the re-enablement team should be put in place when she returns home. She did try to escape from the ward as she wanted to go to the shop! I am using the Hospital stay as an opportunity to thoroughly clean her home, buy new things (bedding) and get the windows open! I think I am going to have to stand my ground and like you say, not accept being pushed into something that is not good enough for my mum. Thank you all for your help and comments. xxx
Hi
My mum who is also self funding ended up in hospital after a fall and it kicked everything in to action. A social worker visited hospital and started the ball rolling - she had to be discharged to 24 hr care from the reablement team which was quite good and lasted 2 weeks. Then the Kite team (also reablement) were sent 4 times a day for free for 6 weeks whilst social worker arranged private paying care through them. (cheaper than just going to an agency although not always as good...). Also Ocupational Therapist sent round to asess house for safety etc. and handles fitted/bed raised etc. and the Falls team and physio also came to visit. Basically evertything started to happen. We do have to pay for care but I think we have everything in place now at least.
Good luck.
My mum who is also self funding ended up in hospital after a fall and it kicked everything in to action. A social worker visited hospital and started the ball rolling - she had to be discharged to 24 hr care from the reablement team which was quite good and lasted 2 weeks. Then the Kite team (also reablement) were sent 4 times a day for free for 6 weeks whilst social worker arranged private paying care through them. (cheaper than just going to an agency although not always as good...). Also Ocupational Therapist sent round to asess house for safety etc. and handles fitted/bed raised etc. and the Falls team and physio also came to visit. Basically evertything started to happen. We do have to pay for care but I think we have everything in place now at least.
Good luck.
Well, my mum came home today with the reablement team coming in four times a day. She is having a visit from the Falls Prevention team and also another team of specialist carers to assess her needs. OT are due to bring in some equipment for her. The problem now is that she will not eat. She says she has no appetite and is clearly losing weight. She was very confused when I visited today and very very muddled. Thankfully the Hospital stay has kicked things into action but I am concerned about the not eating thing,
Hi Flake
My mum was recently in hospital for a week following a series of falls. She came home just over two weeks ago, and has also had the Falls Prevention Service in. Her appetite was very poor and for a day or two I really thought she might have to be re-admitted.
What I wanted to say was, mum was very confused for a week after discharge, and 'unsettled' for a further week after that. She has only just now started to re-adapt fully to being 'at home'. It can take quite a while for a person with dementia to settle. My mum seems better now and I hope your mum settles soon too
Lindy xx
I think Lindy beat me to it: my mother was also very disoriented after her hospital discharge, and I've heard similar stories from others. I'd try not to worry overmuch for at least a few days, as difficult as I imagine that is for you.
In the meantime, are there favorite foods that might be offered, to tempt her appetite? Or something that your mum considers to be a "comfort food," as we say in the States, that would appeal to her when other foods do not?
When my mother (even when not ill) says she has no appetite, she will often eat if food is placed in front of her and someone sits directly opposite her, and eats. Left on her own, she will often say she is "not hungry" and leave all the food on her plate. If I, or my husband, sit across from her, and eat (very slowly!) I have noticed that she will always begin to eat and then continue to eat, as long as we do, or until her food is gone. I wonder if there is a visual cue that it's mealtime, from having someone with her who is also eating. Perhaps this would help your mum?
And if she's truly resistant to eating, I wonder about offering smoothies or milkshakes or soup or broth, as "if you're not hungry, have something to drink, then" that would also have some nutrition and calories in it. There are the nutritional drinks (Ensure in the States but don't know your brand names), of course, but I'd rather have a milkshake, honestly.
Or even just seeing if she'll eat some biscuits along with a cup of tea. Better to live on biscuits for a few days than eat nothing at all!
I hope you find something that appeals to your mum and that she gets her appetite back.
In the meantime, are there favorite foods that might be offered, to tempt her appetite? Or something that your mum considers to be a "comfort food," as we say in the States, that would appeal to her when other foods do not?
When my mother (even when not ill) says she has no appetite, she will often eat if food is placed in front of her and someone sits directly opposite her, and eats. Left on her own, she will often say she is "not hungry" and leave all the food on her plate. If I, or my husband, sit across from her, and eat (very slowly!) I have noticed that she will always begin to eat and then continue to eat, as long as we do, or until her food is gone. I wonder if there is a visual cue that it's mealtime, from having someone with her who is also eating. Perhaps this would help your mum?
And if she's truly resistant to eating, I wonder about offering smoothies or milkshakes or soup or broth, as "if you're not hungry, have something to drink, then" that would also have some nutrition and calories in it. There are the nutritional drinks (Ensure in the States but don't know your brand names), of course, but I'd rather have a milkshake, honestly.
Or even just seeing if she'll eat some biscuits along with a cup of tea. Better to live on biscuits for a few days than eat nothing at all!
I hope you find something that appeals to your mum and that she gets her appetite back.
Hi Flake,
As Lindy and Amy have said, it takes about a week for someone with dementia to readjust to home after being discharged from hospital. Is your mum at least still drinking? Will she have cups of tea, etc? She will probably start eating again once she settles in, but until then you're going to have to make sure she doesn't get dehydrated.
Best of luck,
LS
As Lindy and Amy have said, it takes about a week for someone with dementia to readjust to home after being discharged from hospital. Is your mum at least still drinking? Will she have cups of tea, etc? She will probably start eating again once she settles in, but until then you're going to have to make sure she doesn't get dehydrated.
Best of luck,
LS
Good to hear back from you Flake - and glad the support has kicked in.
I'll just say again - take this opportunity to tell everyone who comes into contact with your mum EXACTLY what her situation is and all your concerns so that everything is noted and logged.
Dad too took a while to settle back to eating - Amy in the US and Long-Suffering have given good hints to help. I gave dad Complan etc from the chemist, hot and cold, he actually liked those, and his favourite chocolate biscuits, also jellies - with more and more fruit in - and custard or ice cream, and trifle, rice pudding, those powdered deserts you make up with milk; lots of those easy to swallow foods and sweet seemed to be preferred for a while. Then mashed banana sandwich, soups, and mashed veg .... And I didn't offer too much at once so he felt he could manage a portion. Little and offered often seemed to go down best, with no pressure to eat so he wasn't anxious.
And definitely agree with Amy's mirror eating, he seemed to have lost confidence in what to do, how to eat.
I'll just say again - take this opportunity to tell everyone who comes into contact with your mum EXACTLY what her situation is and all your concerns so that everything is noted and logged.
Dad too took a while to settle back to eating - Amy in the US and Long-Suffering have given good hints to help. I gave dad Complan etc from the chemist, hot and cold, he actually liked those, and his favourite chocolate biscuits, also jellies - with more and more fruit in - and custard or ice cream, and trifle, rice pudding, those powdered deserts you make up with milk; lots of those easy to swallow foods and sweet seemed to be preferred for a while. Then mashed banana sandwich, soups, and mashed veg .... And I didn't offer too much at once so he felt he could manage a portion. Little and offered often seemed to go down best, with no pressure to eat so he wasn't anxious.
And definitely agree with Amy's mirror eating, he seemed to have lost confidence in what to do, how to eat.
