Social worker meeting request-what to expect?

[tatty]

Hi have meeting with SW next week with OH Me MIL and hoepfully SIL at SW request. SW pushing sheltered acomomodation for nearly 91year old with working diagnosis of AD results of scan awaited. MIL lives with us stays with SIL for breaks, we contacted SW for a needs and carers assessment, SW thinks registering for Sheltered housing(we have done this now bur awaiting to hear if accepted) in MIL original borough (she has lives with us for a year) as MIl has expressed a wish to near her church etc which is about25mins away we are concerned that sheltered accomodation will prove too much as she is unable to work TV without help but SW think cooking on a mircowave would be fine and that as she has no nursing needs visiting carers can meet her needs.

She moved in with us due to going down hill in genreal 18months after FIL death, not eating getting confused missing regular church events as MIL not ready, crying hating being alone in the evening risk of fall from stairs house being too big to manage etc . Now we feel she needs supervision when we are out at work and worry Sheltered housing may be a retrograde step and not sure she would pass the assessment. Feel SW thinks we just want to 'shove her in '(SWWords) to a CH, not the case.

Has anyone else had such meetings? what should we do to prepare? And those with AD in shletered accomodation is it sucessful?

Little worried as visiting carers after MIL broke her hip and late FIL was having radiotherapy were absolutely useless! Also no knowing what MIL will sayat this meeting , been assessed as having capacity(intermittent if you ask me)

Thanks

 

[learningcurve]

Hi tatty.

Sorry have no idea about sheltered housing, but have experienced a meeting with a SW. From what you say about your MIL I do not think sheltered housing is appropriate as it sounds like she needs someone to be with her most if not all of the time.

When we had a meeting with a SW we did nothing to prepare. We had no contact with a SW before that and it was purely for a needs assessment. It was very informal and she just chatted to us all (me, Mum and my OH). Our SW was lovely and obviously knew what to look for. Even though Mum said she did all the housework, cooking and laundry ,she knew, without us telling her, Mum wasn't capable of that.

Not sure how the SW can say 'cooking on a microwave would be fine' as she was not eating before she moved in with you. Before my Mum moved in with us she didn't eat anything but toast and jam, when she remembered to eat at all, and was down to just over 5 stone.

Good luck x

 

[Pickles53]

My mum had used a microwave for some time, but completely lost the ability to use even a simple one correctly to heat a ready meal about the same time she started leaving the gas cooker on unlit. Incorrectly used microwaves create a serious risk of fire. So this is only acceptable if it can be demonstrated that your MIL can actually do this and would remember or be motivated to make the attempt. Maybe an OT specialist assessment is needed before any decision is made?

It does sound like a move to sheltered housing means your MIL is expected to be able to manage with less support than you are currently giving her; that doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Amy in the US]

If there is information you want the SW to have, but don't want to say out loud in front of your MIL, prepare a written document and give a copy to the SW out of your MIL's sight.

You would hope that a savvy SW would pick up on what is and is not accurate about what your MIL tells them. It's very common for people with dementia to not feel that there is anything wrong with them and that they are managing "fine," when, in fact, things are very much NOT fine. What I do with my mother who has dementia, at doctor's appointments and other similar meetings, is to sit next to her, but with my chair slightly behind hers, so I am out of her line of sight and peripheral vision. Then I use facial expressions and very slight nods or shakes of the head to confirm/contradict what she is saying, or indicate that something is amiss.

I agree that moving your MIL to sheltered housing sounds like she would have less support and that is not a good idea. As the Alzheimer's progresses, she will need more support, not less, I'm afraid. Stick to your guns and don't be afraid to speak up on her behalf, as she can't do it for herself.

Best of luck to you.

 

[tatty]

Thanks for yor replies , that is how I and OH feel but because MIL is without funds and thinks she is capable (can talk agood game) this seems to be enough for SW (not sure she is particularly competent.) MIL happily and plauisbly told our hairdresser how often she washed her hair and showered when she will never shower ,
'oh I'm dressed now etc'
and hasn't washed her hair ever on her own in the past year wet flannel and imperial leather rubbed on top ! Hairdresser knew she was not being acurate but SW believes MIL. Yes I think further assessment of practical ability will need to happen, I think housing may find her wanting in independent living tasks but they don't carry that out until a placement has been allocated. SW boss will be present so some of her more outlandish comments will be kept in check!

 

[Pickles53]

Write something down before the meeting which sets out clearly the problems mum has and don't pull any punches. Base it on the 'worst case scenario'. Give this to the SW at the beginning of the meeting and ask him/her to read it first. Say explicitly that your MIL has no insight/comprehension into her problems and is likely to claim she is 'fine' and can do everything for herself.

Be especially detailed about problems at night even if it's only that you have to direct MIL to the loo. After mum had a fall and was quite unable to walk, it was suggested that if she was at home someone would check on her once during the night to see if she was in bed and asleep. I regarded this as totally inadequate and also thought it could be frightening to wake up and find a stranger in your home. She could also not remember how to use her emergency call button so that's not an acceptable substitute.

On another thread, it was suggested that during the meeting you sit slightly behind MIL and out of her sight line, so if she says something that's not correct you can shake/nod your head without her noticing. Make notes of what she says and again write this up afterwards for the SW pointing out any inaccuracies.

 

[marionq]

My SIL is in very sheltered housing but she is fit and well and able to look after herself. I give support in the things she cannot do and the management do a daily check and attend to maintenance of her little flat. They would not be switching on the TV for her or heating up her dinner. It's possible your MIL would get an agency caller in daily to do those things.

I do notice that SILs neighbours who display dementia eventually are moved on to another level of care as the more independent style of Sheltered housing no longer suits them.

 

[geniemax]

My SIL is in very sheltered housing but she is fit and well and able to look after herself. I give support in the things she cannot do and the management do a daily check and attend to maintenance of her little flat. They would not be switching on the TV for her or heating up her dinner. It's possible your MIL would get an agency caller in daily to do those things.

I do notice that SILs neighbours who display dementia eventually are moved on to another level of care as the more independent style of Sheltered housing no longer suits them.

I agree write down a document to hand over with the problems that you cannot say in front of your MIL I had a meeting this week with my dads SW and handed over a four page letter with concerns and events I could not say in front of him because of the negatives I did not want him to hear and she needed to know in order to have a more informed assesment good luck

 

[tatty]

Thanks for all the advice , we gave MIL doctor 3 years ago a letter with our concerns so we didn't have to say in front of her , going to print that off and then add an update for now as well as what she would do when she lived on her own as that really showed difficulties and our reasons why she moved in with us.

Will get SIL to do what she was like last time she stayed as she sees behaviours we don't regularly encounter.

SW has always insisted on speaking to MIL on her own before so it will be interesting to see what is said when we are all there



Carers may help but need to be regular consitent, mostly the same people, and who undertand AD a big ask I know!