Social worker making nasty accusations -- advice sought

[Boldredrosie]

Hi there

Some of you may remember that the psychiatrist and social worker turned up at our house earlier this month, were very aggressive with the carer, told my 84 year old frail mother with dementia: "Your daughter wants to sell the house and put you in a home." Asked her if she wanted me to look after her money and basically left her in a right state.

I have lodged a formal complaint with the overarching health authority about this instance and also asked the manager of the memory clinic not to send people to the house without the courtesy of letting us know. Despite this, the social worker who was part of the delegation earlier this month turned up this week with a colleague. The carer bumped into them as they were leaving the house. My mother was in floods of tears. The social worker had apparently told her she was "no longer safe in the house with me".

I am in the process of getting legal advice about how possible it is to sell the house or whether my son and I can just leave (although as I pay the mortgage I'm really not sure how this can work, hence the legal advice) but what on earth do I do about these accusations of both incipient violence and financial impropriety?

I wouldn't mind so much but I've been telling social services and the memory clinic for YEARS that I simply cannot cope and now my son is so very ill I really cannot mange an unwell teen and an unwell octogenarian mother.

 

[Spiro]

Is there an advocacy service in your area? From your post, it looks like you would benefit from having an advocate to support you at any future meetings.

I suggest you contact Age UK - they are open 365 days a year. Their advice line is: 0800 169 6565.

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/contact-us/

You could also try Independent Age after the Bank Holiday.

http://www.independentage.org/

Just try and relax and stay calm - easier said than done sometimes, I know.

 

[Bod]

Those name is the house in?
Both on the deeds and mortgage documents.
If your mother went into a home, would she be self funding?
i.e. savings above £24,000 disregarding the house value.

Bod

 

[henfenywfach]

Hi there

Some of you may remember that the psychiatrist and social worker turned up at our house earlier this month, were very aggressive with the carer, told my 84 year old frail mother with dementia: "Your daughter wants to sell the house and put you in a home." Asked her if she wanted me to look after her money and basically left her in a right state.

I have lodged a formal complaint with the overarching health authority about this instance and also asked the manager of the memory clinic not to send people to the house without the courtesy of letting us know. Despite this, the social worker who was part of the delegation earlier this month turned up this week with a colleague. The carer bumped into them as they were leaving the house. My mother was in floods of tears. The social worker had apparently told her she was "no longer safe in the house with me".

I am in the process of getting legal advice about how possible it is to sell the house or whether my son and I can just leave (although as I pay the mortgage I'm really not sure how this can work, hence the legal advice) but what on earth do I do about these accusations of both incipient violence and financial impropriety?

I wouldn't mind so much but I've been telling social services and the memory clinic for YEARS that I simply cannot cope and now my son is so very ill I really cannot mange an unwell teen and an unwell octogenarian mother.

Hi!

The Alzheimers society have advocates and they are very good indeed.
You are entitled under the freedom of info act to know what if any info the services have about you..my S's phone message says that.

Surely if they thought there were issues ..They would've taken some safeguarding action by now .

Sounds to me like it's you they should be helping???

I would definetly get someone to speak on your behalf and your mums..We are only human and I bet every single one of us carers wished we got things absolutely right..or that we knew what the right things to do were sometimes..

Do you have poa ?(sorry can't recall from your previous post)

If you and your mum had an advocate..people that don't understand dementia wouldn't take the sometimes unfounded comments they make as gospel.
If carers had a pound for every time we got accused of moving things or taking things we d be rich !

If you get advice speak to someone who knows about dementia...maybe a solicitor who specialises in such advice... (please be careful maybe speak to law society).

I'm sorry I can't say much to help really..just thought is reply anyway..
Best wishes

 

[Boldredrosie]

I suggest you contact Age UK

Age UK locally have been *brilliant*. However, the woman who was supporting us feels she can no longer work with us. When I called and told her about the psychiatrist's behaviour earlier this month she was flabbergasted and didn't know what to say. The problem for her is that earlier in the year she intervened on our behalf, made social services come and reassess my mother and speak with me, spoke with the consultant who has known my mother for about four years who told her she didn't think my mother had capacity, and sat in on the visit to the memory clinic in June when the psychiatrist who came to the house (different one) recently suggested to me that I sell the house (rather than the tale to my mother "Your daughter wants to sell the house and put you in a home"). I told her I would be making a formal complaint and did say to her that her conversation with the psychiatrist regarding my mother's capacity and her witnessing the other psychiatrist suggesting I sell the house (& generally witnessing the distress I was in at that meeting in June) may become important. As she has to work with the memory clinic on an ongoing basis and social services I do see that it might now be difficult to continue to support me and have a working relationship with the memory clinic

 

[Boldredrosie]

Hi!

The Alzheimers society have advocates and they are very good indeed.
...If you and your mum had an advocate..

I phoned the local AlzSoc as soon as I heard about the first visit in mid-August and I'm really sorry to say the woman I spoke to was absolutely useless. I am concerned as well as to their independence (& again sorry to the Society) as they are co-located in the same building as the memory clinic.

The social worker from adult social services, who've we not heard from in months suggested that my mother have an advocate. She's now on a waiting list locally for a general advocate as she's apparently not a candidate for an IMCA. In the meanwhile, I've been speaking with solicitors and have a couple more meetings scheduled before I make a decision on what might be a suitable way forward for all three of us.

As if the situation wasn't difficult and complicated enough to have social services, who have never ever lifted a finger for this family, come to our house and tell my mother I'm a threat to her absolutely puts the tin hat on it.

 

[henfenywfach]

I phoned the local AlzSoc as soon as I heard about the first visit in mid-August and I'm really sorry to say the woman I spoke to was absolutely useless. I am concerned as well as to their independence (& again sorry to the Society) as they are co-located in the same building as the memory clinic.

The social worker from adult social services, who've we not heard from in months suggested that my mother have an advocate. She's now on a waiting list locally for a general advocate as she's apparently not a candidate for an IMCA. In the meanwhile, I've been speaking with solicitors and have a couple more meetings scheduled before I make a decision on what might be a suitable way forward for all three of us.

As if the situation was difficult and complicated enough to have social services, who have never ever lifted a finger for this family, come to our house and tell my mother I'm a threat to her absolutely puts the tin hat on it.

Hi!

I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult.
It's time for people to hear the situations we have to deal with..
Not just from our loved ones but from professionals..
I hope you get some clarity and supportive legal advice soon.

 

[Spiro]

Age UK have a specialist helpline - 0800 032 0451 - they may be able to advise you. This is a different number from the one I posted earlier.

Independent Age may also cbe able to help you. 088 319 6789

I've had dealings with both these organisations over the phone, and they are very clued up about the Care Act.

Unfortunately, some SW's are not that well informed about it.

I would suggest using a solicitor who is a member of Solicitors for the Elderly, if you are not doing this already.

I've also PM'd you a link to a company I've dealt with then the past, who might be able to advise you.

 

[Boldredrosie]

Age UK have a specialist helpline - 0800 032 0451 - they may be able to advise you. This is a different number from the one I posted earlier.

Independent Age may also cbe able to help you. 088 319 6789

Thanks for these. I'll try them after the bank holiday. Yes, the solicitor I've approached are either Solicitors for the Elderly or STEP ones. Of course, if the memory clinic keeps up with the remarks suggesting I might be violent or am fiddling her money then it's probably a libel lawyer I'm going to end up calling.