Social Worker coming.... in just over one hour!

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by maryjoan, May 15, 2019.

  1. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,153
    Female
    South of the Border
    I have never felt so out of my depth.

    I feel as though I am existing in some sort of science fiction film where nothing is what it seems. Or I am talking to someone (OH) and nothing they say back makes sense in respect of what I have said to them.

    Social Worker due shortly, OH still doesn't think we need any help, support, anything.

    You all know how I feel about life with my PWD. How can I say some of these brutal facts with him sat there listening and his dementia like the elephant in the room?

    Go into another room - and talk about him? That's the only answer, but it seems such bad manners and thoughtless. I know I am judging by my standards, and we should not do that, but .....I am just so uncomfortable about all this, and out of my depth.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,689
    Male
    N Ireland
    Maybe pass some notes and leave the room so that the SW talks to your OH alone ad leave it to them the engineer a private chat with you. I sometimes have such a chat with CPN’s etc as I’m leaving them back to their car.

    In general, I just talk in front of my wife and ignore the evil looks or subsequent comments as I feel these professionals need to have the proper picture. Maybe that’s easier for a man, I don’t know. I take the attitude that the short term pain may be worth the long term gain. After all, in the long run we have to look after our own interests too - otherwise the whole thing may collapse in the future and that would be worse for everyone.
     
  3. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,441
    Nottinghamshire
    When dad's social worker first called I stopped her outside the door for a quick chat and breifly told her what the problems were - and that dad thought he was fine!!

    She then had a chat with dad and asked him what help he needed. Of course he told her he didn't need any...but she kept looking at me, as I had asked her to, so that I could signal if he was telling the truth - or the truth as he saw it.

    Dad ended up with carers morning and evenings and SW agreed to phase in gradually starting with just 2 days a week.

    I hope it goes well for you
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,263
    Yorkshire
    maybe ask the SW to help you carry in tea things, and have a chat
    or settle your OH with a cuppa and offer her a tour of the house
    there's a big difference between talking nastily of someone behind their back just to be horrible, and the need to privately make clear the real nature of a situation
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,430
    Kent
    My husband objected to intrusion by strangers. I also think he had `white coat phobia`, he hated hospitals and doctors.

    When anyone came from the services, I always told him they were coming to help me and we talked in the kitchen. The door was never closed and he was free to come and join us every time, but he never did.
     
  6. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    382
    Female
    Hi @karaokePete ...I do this and always feel guilty afterwards, but how else would these professionals really understand what’s happening in my husbands and my life... I feel easier that I’m not the only carer telling it how it is, so thank you (((Hugs ))) A x

    @maryjoan ..I do hope all went well for you and you get the help you so clearly need (( hugs)) A x
     
  7. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,153
    Female
    South of the Border
    That was interesting..... social worker spoke with both of us. OH still oblivious to why she was here, but, when she suggested that he might like to go to respite care in a nursing home for a couple of nights a month - he AGREED! I was really surprised.
    She is looking into this - doesn't mean there is a place for him, but worth a shot.
    She also agreed to our Direct Payments for another year....

    Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Not really, but life could be just a smidgin easier.....
     
  8. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    295
    I so relate to the feeling of unreality in your first post. We are going through the process of getting my mother financially assessed by the council - and nothing is what it seems. I feel like an idiot and am struggling to start another round of form filling. It is all relative I know, others have much more to deal with.
    About to attend a meeting at my Mum's CH. Her behaviour is getting more challenging ad she has had an altercation with another resident........oh dear
     

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