Hello I am not one for usually asking for advice but I need some help please. My 83 year old father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Dementia in January 2020 whilst he was admitted after yet another fall. He was hospitalised for over a month and in that time he fell out of bed and hit his head badly, scans were done etc but since then he is progressing at a fairly fast rate. He fell again in April at home and was taken to hospital by Ambulance and after two days wanted to come home and they would only do that with a Care Package in place. This was put in place and he has 4 visits per day, he has Rheumatoid Arthritis and Polymyalgia Rheumatica and his mobility is very compromised and he shuffles rather than walks and he can no longer stand upright he is hunched over and now saying his hips are so very painful. His confusion is becoming far more apparent now and he asks the same questions over and over again throughout the day and can at times get quite agitated I think through the frustration of not being how he used to be. He spends all day and night on his own other than the carers visits throughout the day but has no concept of time, he calls regularly saying nobody has been in when it was only an hour or two earlier and he seems to spend most of the time anxious and worried in case he falls and nobody finds him. He has a Lifeline he wears around his neck and I remind him to push it if he falls but then five minutes later he again is worried what will happen to him. I have emailed his Social Worker and asked if we could look at Residential Care for Dad before he gets much worse and it is then harder for him to settle and before he gets to a point of forgetting who I or anyone is. The Social Worker stated to me 'I have other people far worse than your Dad who deserve Residential Care before him he has carers and he does not need another assessment'. I was shocked and very upset by this attitude by him and he also said 'I have seen your father five times this year and he shows no signs of Dementia'... he was diagnosed by the Hospital Consultant and is medicated and also has a Psychiatrist yet he says he shows no signs how can that be right!!! My father is desperate to go into Residential Care so he feels safe and personally I feel it is the right time as he is not coping mentally with being alone and I worry that the time spent just sitting watching tv all day and until he falls asleep means he has no stimulation mentally and I worry this could cause him to go downhill much faster. Can anyone give me any advice on how I can go forward with this? My father has no savings and although he owns half a property it was subject to an Equity Release 15 years ago and I am not sure how much money, if any, he will get out of the property once it is sold and any monies are split between him and his ex partners Grandson (she passed away about two months ago and the half share of the property is in Trust with the Executor of the Will a solicitor until my father passes or leaves the property). As I live a good 45 miles away from my father he would like to come to Dorset so he is closer to me as I am his only family and I am desperate to feel he is safe and that by being closer to him I can see him more than once a week as I do now (albeit when I spend the day with him I am busy cleaning and doing things around his home that he cannot do which is exhausting and takes away from a social visit). Thank you for your support I am beside myself with worry and will be so grateful for any advice you can offer.
Social Worker being obstructive....
- Thread starter Miniminx55
- Start date
@Miniminx55
That social worker has a disgraceful and unforgiveable attitude towards both you and your father. It's quite clear that your father has lost a lot of ground this year, and is still unstable. Given what you've described, I think it's reasonable for you to want him to be placed in residential care sooner rather than later, and to move him so that he is closer to where you are. We know that councils are strapped for cash, and there probably is some kind of waiting list for residential care placement, BUT if the social worker acknowledged your concerns and accepted that they are valid rather than dismissing them and you in this way you would find it easier to live with your worries and keep the existing show on the road for a bit longer - which is what he wants you to do.
I'd try once more with this social worker, and if the attitude persists I would make a formal complaint. At the very least the issue of the social worker denying that your father has dementia when there is a documented diagnosis is totally unacceptable.
That social worker has a disgraceful and unforgiveable attitude towards both you and your father. It's quite clear that your father has lost a lot of ground this year, and is still unstable. Given what you've described, I think it's reasonable for you to want him to be placed in residential care sooner rather than later, and to move him so that he is closer to where you are. We know that councils are strapped for cash, and there probably is some kind of waiting list for residential care placement, BUT if the social worker acknowledged your concerns and accepted that they are valid rather than dismissing them and you in this way you would find it easier to live with your worries and keep the existing show on the road for a bit longer - which is what he wants you to do.
I'd try once more with this social worker, and if the attitude persists I would make a formal complaint. At the very least the issue of the social worker denying that your father has dementia when there is a documented diagnosis is totally unacceptable.
Thank you so much Veritas for your reply it makes me feel better knowing that you agree he is totally out of order...when he stated he shows no signs of it I was beyond disgusted who the hell does he think he is, yes he has visited him but I know that Dad tries to come over as capable as he has his pride but what he sees is not a true reflection of how he is every single day. Its heartbreaking to see your previously strong, hard working, capable father crying because he hates to be on his own and the fear in his eyes that he will fall is dreadful. He keeps apologising for being this way saying he hates not being the man he used to be and last week he told me the sooner he dies the better for us all...as you can imagine this hurt me beyond words and on my drive home I did shed the tears I held back from him. Dad was never a very tactile man and he did not cuddle me or tell me he loved me but he holds me so tight now and I can feel the fear in him and that is so hard to cope with. He is like a child again and we talk about his early childhood through the war and how his Dad was the man he looked up to and he gave him his work ethic to work hard and earn enough money to take care of his family. Dad was a panel beater by trade and he worked his backside off long hours to provide for us and now we cannot even get him into a Care Home to keep him safe and protected for as long as he has left. I cannot face the day we get to Dad not knowing me or being unable to talk or remember anything so the importance of him being settled and safe so he gets a chance to enjoy life a little with others means so much to me, I will continue the fight but sadly I do not see the Social Worker supporting the decision despite Dorset Council being very open to him coming to their area to be close to me and said they will support it once the Wiltshire Social Worker does the assessment...but he is refusing to do so. Watch this space x
Hi @Miniminx55, welcome to Dementia Talking Point, this is a friendly supportive community with a wealth of experience.
I assume your father was able to convince the social worker for a short space of time that he was fine, something that's known as host mode round here. It isn't a case of 'deserving' care but of needs. I know councils are strapped for cash and I'm sure the social worker is under a lot of pressure, but he should have at least listened to your concerns. Can you email him a copy of the psychiatrists report so he can see your father has an official diagnosis? I'd also be tempted to go to his boss and, if not put in an official complaint, at least let them know how unhappy you are.
I'm afraid I know nothing about moving someone to care when they need to be funded by SS as my mother was self-funding and I just went a chose a home I thought would suit her and cope with her needs. I'm sure others that have more experience will be along shortly but in the meantime you might want to contact the Alzheimer's Society for some advice.
Dementia Connect support line: 0333 150 3456 and dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk
I assume your father was able to convince the social worker for a short space of time that he was fine, something that's known as host mode round here. It isn't a case of 'deserving' care but of needs. I know councils are strapped for cash and I'm sure the social worker is under a lot of pressure, but he should have at least listened to your concerns. Can you email him a copy of the psychiatrists report so he can see your father has an official diagnosis? I'd also be tempted to go to his boss and, if not put in an official complaint, at least let them know how unhappy you are.
I'm afraid I know nothing about moving someone to care when they need to be funded by SS as my mother was self-funding and I just went a chose a home I thought would suit her and cope with her needs. I'm sure others that have more experience will be along shortly but in the meantime you might want to contact the Alzheimer's Society for some advice.
Dementia Connect support line: 0333 150 3456 and dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk
Thank you so much Sarasa for your input, I think you could be right and a telephone call to the Support Line or an email is a good idea. I am at a loss as regardless of cash issues or pressure on the Social Worker I do not feel it is either professional or appropriate for him to just brush off my concerns or more importantly to decide if my father is showing signs of Alzheimer's, he was diagnosed in Royal United Hospital in January this year and this Social Worker also worked with and knows that my fathers late brother had Vascular Dementia and he organised his placement into Residential Care. Sadly this Social Worker and I have not agreed on the way forward for my father in the past couple of months and I therefore believe this is him digging his heels in as he does not like the fact that I stand up for my father and will do all that I can to provide the best care for him. The Social Worker knew that the previous Care Agency who had been put in place in April were overdosing my father with medication but when I made him aware of it he told me to leave them to deal with it...it continued so I had to call Adult Social Care Safeguarding on a Saturday morning after they did it again and within two days the agency stated they would no longer visit and a new agency had to be found! I also raised it with the CQC as it was clear that this was not the first time this had happened and the report by the CQC had raised this point on their report that they needed to address issues with medication. The Social Worker needs to put his personal opinions to one side, stand in my shoes and try to see how he would feel if this was his 83 year old father, its too easy to blame funding cuts but as I far as I am concerned my father worked all his adult life to pay into a system that was meant to care for him as he aged so now its time to stand up and take care of him I should not have to beg !!!!
I do understand your feelings,I was in a similar situation with my mother.Unfortunately LA's are in a financial mire which is only likely to get worse and the bar is set incredibly high for 'needing' residential care.This is not to say you should accept this,make as much noise as you can,involve your/ and your Dad's MPs.Not making excuses for SW but the constraints they are working under are incredible and they are only human
