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Social Services does the PWD have the right to know why they are coming

Kennyboy

Registered User
Oct 31, 2019
50
hello
We are in a difficult situation, we are caring for my sons Nan along with our son his brother and their wives, between the 6 of us we are meeting all her care needs in her own home. She has two estranged daughters who are absolutely evil there is no other word for them, they have been bullying their mother and late father for years for money. They don’t work they think that their parents should be financially responsible for them they are 51 and 49 respectively, my son and his brothers father died a number of years ago. My sons grandfather died 2 months ago and his Nan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 6 months ago. Her daughters have the attitude that anyone with Alzheimer’s or dementia automatically have no rights and no capacity. My sons Nan stayed in my sons home just after his grandfather died and as soon as he passed away they came to the house demanding the keys to the Nans properties and cars, my sons Nan threw them out of the house and told them she didn’t want to see them again.
Well the upshot is that they have got a solicitor involved as they want the money they are entitled to from their dads estate(as he didn’t leave a will) they are assuming that their Mother has not got capacity to spontaneously administrators so she had to have a capacity test which she passed so the estate can be sorted, but what they also want is control of their mother so they can take her money, but my son and his brother have got an LPA they did that straight after the incident at his house and again their Nan had to have a capacity test which she passed. They have also got their solicitor to report to social services that we are all holding their mother against her will and stopping her from seeing them. Their Nan has told her solicitor that she doesn’t want to see them, and she keeps saying to us keep them away from me, she is scared of them. Well we have now been contacted by Social Services to say that they have to visit because they have had a complaint. Do we have to comply and let them visit and surely my sons Nan has a right to know why they are coming and should have a choice as to whether or not she wants to see them. It’s a nightmare situation all fueled by greed by two individuals who have never cared about their parents, can I have your advise on this please.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,970
South East
Hi @Kennyboy , wow I could of wrote this myself , it’s almost indentical to my situation, I have had Adult Safeguarding around , lovely lady and she was happy that my PWD was happy and well cared for , it was a box ticking exercise . Don’t worry about it , they know what they are looking for and have many malicious reports where it’s a family conflict . They won’t be wanting to take on Nan’s care so will be happy you are all looking after her .
 

Kennyboy

Registered User
Oct 31, 2019
50
Hi @Kennyboy , wow I could of wrote this myself , it’s almost indentical to my situation, I have had Adult Safeguarding around , lovely lady and she was happy that my PWD was happy and well cared for , it was a box ticking exercise . Don’t worry about it , they know what they are looking for and have many malicious reports where it’s a family conflict . They won’t be wanting to take on Nan’s care so will be happy you are all looking after her .
Thank you Woohoo I did think that this would be the situation but it’s just so annoying to have to jump through hoops because of those evil girls, their mother has had to go through two capacity assessments we have had to have cctv cameras installed all over the house, as one of them is particularly violent, the other one is an Escort who takes drugs regularly neither of them can look after themselves let alone anyone else. Just want all this hassle to be over with, his Nan has been through enough with her husbands death without all of this it’s just not fair on her.
 

Donkeyshere

Registered User
May 25, 2016
476
channel islands
hi @Kennyboy again another that has had a similar situation with an invisible BIL - without going into detail the OH and his BIL no longer communicate except for us to receive nasty texts, had solicitors involved etc etc and all over money and accusations of coercion etc. The MIL has also had a capacity test and was fine much to the annoyance of the BIL - we have not had a complaint against us (yet, as her full time carers) so have no experience of that but hope things get easier for you all I am sure that it will all come out in the wash as they say.
 

Kennyboy

Registered User
Oct 31, 2019
50
hi @Kennyboy again another that has had a similar situation with an invisible BIL - without going into detail the OH and his BIL no longer communicate except for us to receive nasty texts, had solicitors involved etc etc and all over money and accusations of coercion etc. The MIL has also had a capacity test and was fine much to the annoyance of the BIL - we have not had a complaint against us (yet, as her full time carers) so have no experience of that but hope things get easier for you all I am sure that it will all come out in the wash as they say.
Hi Donkeyshere
Thank you for your reply, I know that when social services come that my sons Nan will tell them herself that she does not want to see her daughters, their down fall is that they think people with dementia / Alzheimers have no rights and have no capacity, I’m so pleased my sons Nan was deemed to have capacity my son paid for a top guy in this field to do the assessment he is a barrister who also has mental health qualifications and specialists in dementia patients and capacity assessments. I just feel so frustrated that we have had to go through all this just because of them, and especially my sons Nan who has just lost her husband. Money is really the root of all evil x
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,816
North West
I had similar problems when my dad died, my invisible brother saw an opportunity to take what wasn't his from mum. I had to get a solicitor involved and get mum assessed to say at the time she had capacity to make her own decisions. It was awful at the time, we hadn't even had the funeral when my brother kicked off. Now mum has gone into a care home he is on my case again about money, but this time I slapped him with the LPA for property and finances and told him to get out of the house. He hasn't been back since or called me.

I will have to speak to him eventually, but I will avoid that experience until I need to

I am afraid some people have no morals or good standing principles @Kennyboy
 

Normaleila

Registered User
Jun 4, 2016
741
Hi Kennyboy. I think you've received good advice here. If you have to face this hassle it's probably better that it starts now while Nan still has capacity. It means it will all be documented.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,029
West Hertfordshire
Let them come, in fact, welcome then with open arms. Show that everything is above board, and everyone is well and happy.

refusing suggests you have something to hide.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,622
South coast
Let them come, in fact, welcome then with open arms. Show that everything is above board, and everyone is well and happy.

refusing suggests you have something to hide.
Absolutely. Make them your friends, and in fact, in this case they will be your friends, because they will vindicate you - unless your shifty and reticent behaviour makes them wonder whether perhaps the daughters might be right
 

Kennyboy

Registered User
Oct 31, 2019
50
Absolutely. Make them your friends, and in fact, in this case they will be your friends, because they will vindicate you - unless your shifty and reticent behaviour makes them wonder whether perhaps the daughters might be right
Thank you for your reply, yes we have agreed to their visit it’s on the 19th of this month, I think the same as you my sons Nan is being exceptionally well cared for and to be fare to social services they have so many people who need their help to access care it’s is a waste of their resources too, that I think annoys me more than anything they could be visiting a family who are desperate for help rather than having an unnecessary visit to us.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,399
I'd welcome them with open arms and try to find out as much as you can about the services they are prepared to offer. A while down the road you may be needing them.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,970
South East
My PWD failed capacity assesment as was poorly at the time, tried to postpone it ,now she is better I can’t get reassessed as it was for an Opg investigation . I’m not worried though as she did have capacity when making Lpa and doesn’t want to see her relatives who too was after money and never helped .
 

Kennyboy

Registered User
Oct 31, 2019
50
Forgive me,I'm a bit confused.You talk about your sons Nan.Is this your mother or your partners mother?
It’s very complicated I was with a guy for years we had my son but we didn’t marry but stayed friends my son always had contact with his dad and his dads family. I subsequently married and my husband has been a wonderful stepfather, my sons dad passed away a number of years ago he had MS, he has been very close to his Nan and grandfather who passed away 2 months ago and his Nan was diagnosed 6 months ago. This left my son and his brother and their wives with a caring problem as they all work, they all shared the 1st month taking time off work in turn but they didn’t want their Nan to go back home and be on her own, so we said we would help as we are retired, to me it’s my sons Nan it could have been my mum or his dads it makes no difference in my book, so we are staying with her 6 days and 5 nights and the boys do the rest, we have contacted Home Instead to see if they could sit with her for a few hours so we can have a break.
 

Babymare01

Registered User
Apr 22, 2015
309
It’s very complicated I was with a guy for years we had my son but we didn’t marry but stayed friends my son always had contact with his dad and his dads family. I subsequently married and my husband has been a wonderful stepfather, my sons dad passed away a number of years ago he had MS, he has been very close to his Nan and grandfather who passed away 2 months ago and his Nan was diagnosed 6 months ago. This left my son and his brother and their wives with a caring problem as they all work, they all shared the 1st month taking time off work in turn but they didn’t want their Nan to go back home and be on her own, so we said we would help as we are retired, to me it’s my sons Nan it could have been my mum or his dads it makes no difference in my book, so we are staying with her 6 days and 5 nights and the boys do the rest, we have contacted Home Instead to see if they could sit with her for a few hours so we can have a break.
How lovely that your sons Nan has such a lovely circle of family - and I include you and your husband here - that care and love her so much. xx