1. Suzy100

    Suzy100 Registered User

    Jan 7, 2016
    4
    Mum has been in respite for 4 weeks although most of that was spent in hospital (due to cellulitis and sepsis and urine infection, her dementia has gone down hill and so has her health. Dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer and up until 5 weeks ago was looking after her at home. He also has COPD and carcinomas on his leg which are being treated as and when. His health has deteriorated during the last 5 weeks as well as mums. I am having a review on Wednesday with Social services to see about mum coming home but quite frankly there is no way dad can now look after her. What I am afraid of is they will suggest a home package which is really not ideal as it still leaves periods where he is at home with her alone. Can anyone give me advice on how to prepare for this meeting and has anyone else been in a similar situation. dad has accepted that he cannot look after her and wants her to stay in this home. If she goes home we will be in the same situation of him being rushed into hospital or her falling etc in the near future which will leave her disoriented once again. They are both in their 80s.
     
  2. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,094
    Male
    Bristol
    Afternoon Suzy. Sorry to hear of your troubles, sounds like a lot to deal with at once.

    We have had a couple of these reviews for different reasons, the first was after a care package had been running for a month or two, and a couple of Carers Assessments too.
    Sorry if you have already thought about it, but I just made a list of what I thought was best for OH and what questions and concerns I had and took it from there. She was in denial and kept saying everything was ok, so had to be insistent politely. I would definitely insist on a carers assessment for your dad. That took another couple of weeks for me and for some reason was left to myself to fill out a longwinded form second time, but it would give you and your dad a second chance to set out your concerns and needs. You could always ask that they make no firm decision on your mum before your dad has had his review.

    I can't say I got everything I wanted out of the first assessment, it is a learning process, so can only wish you luck.
     
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,088
    Yorkshire
    Hi Suzy100
    I suspect that the outcome will be agreeing with you that living at home is no longer in her best interests, from everything you have written - and given that your dad does not believe he can cope with her at home, it's good that you will put up a united front

    I agree with nae sporran - each of you write out your concerns about her current medical and mental state - think of every problem you can that might arise at home - consider the worst day for her and for your dad - and really don't be afraid to tell them straight that you both think she is better off in the care home - mention vulnerable adults at risk and duty of care

    Your poor dad must feel so sad to have to come to this decision, but he's a wise man to know his limits

    I wish you all well for Wednesday - let us know how it goes
     
  4. Suzy100

    Suzy100 Registered User

    Jan 7, 2016
    4
    Thanks

    Thank you both you have been very helpful and I have made some notes. Maybe I am being pessimistic but I want to be prepared.
     

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