So worn out

[NEESE201]

My husband of just 6 years was just brilliant after a horrible marriage- I met the perfect guy ,- kind considerate - a gentleman ,- we were planning our retirement together - but nearly 2 years ago he was diagnosed with early onset - now he is now very quiet. No confidence - can do a lot less - he no longer reads or plans or shows much emotion - he said to me yesterday ,he was still here but to me he has nearly gone - I do nearly everything and he told a friend we worked as a team - I feel so sorry for him so sad for both of us - I sit in the bathroom with the shower running and just cry ,- this awful illness has wrecked both our lives - I miss him so - dread our future - Neese

 

[canary]

Im sorry @NEESE201
I so understand where you are coming from - my OH is like that too, but you have the added disappointment of finding your soul mate and then losing him so quickly
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Xhanlbxx]

My husband of just 6 years was just brilliant after a horrible marriage- I met the perfect guy ,- kind considerate - a gentleman ,- we were planning our retirement together - but nearly 2 years ago he was diagnosed with early onset - now he is now very quiet. No confidence - can do a lot less - he no longer reads or plans or shows much emotion - he said to me yesterday ,he was still here but to me he has nearly gone - I do nearly everything and he told a friend we worked as a team - I feel so sorry for him so sad for both of us - I sit in the bathroom with the shower running and just cry ,- this awful illness has wrecked both our lives - I miss him so - dread our future - Neese

Thinking of you and sending love , I am not the wife but I am the daughter and watch my mom go through the same grief you are experiencing.

I also struggle with the grief as I have always been very close to my dad.

Do you have an admiral nurse who can support you and help plan , I know it is hard but you need a good support system around you xx

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry to read about your situation @NEESE201. It’s heartbreaking

I too wondered about you having an admiral nurse to support you. If you don’t then have a look at this link, it contains the contact number. I know that other members have had good support from their service.

What is an Admiral Nurse and how can they help?

An Admiral Nurse is a dementia specialist nurse that provides life-changing care for families affected by all forms of dementia.

www.dementiauk.org

It might also be wise to talk to your own GP about how you’re feeling.

 

[DreamsAreReal]

That's so sad @NEESE201 ? You must feel so cheated out of your happiness, my heart goes out to you both. Bloody dementia ?

Does he still have some good days? If so, try to make them good days for both of you. It's best to take one day at a time with dementia, if you can. Live in the moment. Easy for me to say, I know - much harder to do. I agree with above posts too, your GP might be able to help. xx

 

[Donk1]

Poor you…it is so lonely when the one person you used to talk to is not really there anymore.

 

[NEESE201]

That's so sad @NEESE201 ? You must feel so cheated out of your happiness, my heart goes out to you both. Bloody dementia ?

Does he still have some good days? If so, try to make them good days for both of you. It's best to take one day at a time with dementia, if you can. Live in the moment. Easy for me to say, I know - much harder to do. I agree with above posts too, your GP might be able to help. xx

Yes he does still have some goods days - loves cinema and music so have booked shows for this year let's hope he is well enough- doctors are good - and I am already preparing for help in the future cant do this alone. - neese

 

[slim-jim]

My husband of just 6 years was just brilliant after a horrible marriage- I met the perfect guy ,- kind considerate - a gentleman ,- we were planning our retirement together - but nearly 2 years ago he was diagnosed with early onset - now he is now very quiet. No confidence - can do a lot less - he no longer reads or plans or shows much emotion - he said to me yesterday ,he was still here but to me he has nearly gone - I do nearly everything and he told a friend we worked as a team - I feel so sorry for him so sad for both of us - I sit in the bathroom with the shower running and just cry ,- this awful illness has wrecked both our lives - I miss him so - dread our future - Neese

I really feel for you, here is why. I lost my first wife to cancer some years ago and that unlike yours was a very happy marriage I met a wonderful lady and we fell in love and married just over 5 years ago and like you we had lots of plans for our future together sadly just a year after we married she started showing signs of dementia and a year later was diagnosed with Alzheimers and is now in a care home, I know how you feel and we I am sure feel robbed of some good times together. Sorry to go on a bit but i hope I have explained that someone does understand how you feel. I know people probably mean well when they say i know how you feel, but do they really. Do be brave and just do your best for your loved one.

 

[Mr.A]

Enjoy the good days, they are precious to you both. They are like stars shining out of the gloom. Well they were to me. I certainly hope he is well enough to see the shows. Make the most of them and do hold hands when you are together. Might sound strange coming from a man but believe me it helps a lot and helps to form and keep that bond which is so important. I only wish I could have gone with my wife to shows. It's good that you are preparing for the future and indicates that you see the need to do so. It's important. You can't do this alone and can't be expected to. There is help available out there and some very kind people. Don't be afraid to ask. My thoughts are with you and I hope you find the strength and determination with help to see you through.

 

[Izzy]

Enjoy the good days, they are precious to you both. They are like stars shining out of the gloom. Well they were to me. I certainly hope he is well enough to see the shows. Make the most of them and do hold hands when you are together. Might sound strange coming from a man but believe me it helps a lot and helps to form and keep that bond which is so important. I only wish I could have gone with my wife to shows. It's good that you are preparing for the future and indicates that you see the need to do so. It's important. You can't do this alone and can't be expected to. There is help available out there and some very kind people. Don't be afraid to ask. My thoughts are with you and I hope you find the strength and determination with help to see you through.

So much good advice in this post. I lost my husband 6 years ago this week. Holding hands - we did that right up to the day he died. It was a connection between us that meant so much.

 

[Mrs Humphrey]

My husband was diagnosed 2 years ago with Alzheimers and I struggled and grieved and cried every day and became uptight and snappy with him because I was so unhappy and scared and out of my depth although compared with some people I probably had it easy because he was never aggressive or demanding but just so confused and after such a long an happy marriage there was friction between us. He died two weeks ago not from dementia but from the after effects of Covid which he picked up in hospital being treated for a slight heart problem and has spent the last 16 weeks in a nursing home unable to move or speak or feed himself. I am bereft but also riddled with guilt for the many times I was impatient with him and made him unhappy because i felt unable to cope with how our lives had changed and his inability to speak. So i would say to you that if you possibly can do... be patient and maybe there are friend around who can help you.

 

[Izzy]

Sending my condolences @Mrs Humphrey.

 

[sapphire turner]

Please don’t be too hard on yourself Mrs Humphrey, we are only human and need time to adjust to such a crazy situation. My OH has been going downhill the last 5 years, only diagnosed this year, and still in denial about it all. I try not to take it out on him but every day I am heartbroken, annoyed with him, feeling guilty, angry with myself for not making more allowances, fearful of the future, occasionally wildly optimistic after a good day only to have hopes of improvement shot down the next.
I hear what you are saying tho and I will do my best to get help and stay strong.
I am so sorry for your loss, sending love xx

 

[Mrs Humphrey]

That is comforting for me to read these replies; I didn't want him to continue living in the state he was in but I think that it is the cruellest illness as it can make everyone who knows the original lovely person frightened and resentful but to all those of you who are going though the torment and anguish of dementia with someone you love i send you all my best wishes and hope that you can cope better than I did.