1. pins tony

    pins tony Registered User

    Oct 20, 2014
    213
    bristol
    Hi to all of my friends on T P as you know I visit my lovely wife June every day and I find iam worn out mental and physically.l am told by family and friends to have a break but I miss her so much I can't stop.l really c I knead a break of some sort or I think I will cracked up.as June is away longer it's getting worse any advice before I go mad sorry about poor spelling but I find it hard to concentrate
     
  2. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    130
    Oh Tony I wish I could advise you, but I was exactly the same with my lovely dad. I've no idea how on earth I'm going to deal with not going.
    My brother and dads little sister visited too but I still had to go.
    Just try and relax in others ways. Can you take shorter visits perhaps.
     
  3. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,127
    eastern USA
    Hello there. What a lovely, devoted partner. Your June chose so well! I wonder this, Tony. Would June, your loving wife of over 50 years, want you to be so worn out mentally and physically for *her* sake, under these circumstances? She would not want your devotion to her to become so overwhelming that you are undermining your own health and wellbeing, would she? Why not try to take a break - maybe think about not going one day each week - not necessarily the same day, but one day each week. Take yourself out for a tea or coffee with someone, a friend or neighbor, and try to make yourself talk about something other than June.

    I know this is asking a lot, because I now have read some of your posts, and I can see how very loving a man you are. But as your loving wife, your June probably would not have wanted you to be putting yourself through such difficulty, would she?

    I ask this because this is what I ask myself about my mother, for whom I care in my home. She would not want my life to be this way, if she had a choice. Given that your June will not suffer, as she is being cared for by others, she probably would want you to find a way to get out a bit? yes?

    I hope you are getting some rest. You need to take care of yourself, too.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,735
    Kent
    Hello pins tony

    Please try to visit every alternate day so you can rest and have a day at home when you don`t visit. I know you will miss June but if you try it for two weeks you might find you get used to it and then feel better in yourself.
     
  5. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    356
    I think with caring it is such a 24/7 job with changes constantly, living on your nerves and fitting in with PWD, you lose your identity. You forget how to relax, you forget how to talk about other things as there aren't other things apart from news, weather or tv. You forget how nice it is to go to the cinema, to go somewhere leisurely not rushing, and appreciating the small things.

    This is what I think nobody but a career understands, my family all see me as boring as my topic of conversation is my parents, hospitals, medication and school. I've not read a book in two years, never cleaned my whole house in one day anymore, or kept up with post as I'm always too tired when I get back.

    So just take one day at a time and rediscover you, when the weathers better it will be easier of course.
     
  6. pins tony

    pins tony Registered User

    Oct 20, 2014
    213
    bristol
    tired

    Thanks for all your kind messages.they all.
    make so much sense.but when your wife husband or partner is the one with this wicked decease its so hard take care
     
  7. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Tony, I am so sorry to hear how tired and distressed you are.

    I don't have brilliant advice to offer, except for something I hear often from TP, my support group, and others who care: try to forgive yourself/be kind to yourself.

    I think it's excellent advice but it's so, so difficult to do.

    At the very least, please do get some sleep and be sure you eat properly. You won't do yourself or your lovely June any favours if you make yourself ill, break down, or have to go into hospital. I say this only out of concern, not to judge or scold you!

    We are thinking of you.
     
  8. pins tony

    pins tony Registered User

    Oct 20, 2014
    213
    bristol
    thanks

    I will try to take your advice take care
     
  9. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,127
    eastern USA
    Hi, Tony,

    Thinking about you and wondering how you are doing today.

    CJ
     

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