So tired

[susanandliam]

Trying to look after mum from a distance. Mum in Hertfordshire on her own and I'm in Cornwall. Mum has yet another urine infection very confused yesterday.

Carer is really good she took specimen to drs approx 9.00am why then does it take them five hours to carry out the test and call me? Dr tells me someone should check on mum in the evening so I eventually get hold of brother and sister in law (who live half an hour from mum) they can't go over in fact my brother emails me to say he has phoned mum and she sounded fine to him!

Lots of calls to and fro while at work trying to arrange extra care to administer medication. Spoke to day care centre where mum goes twice a week and mum keeps going to reception to say she doesn't want to go there anymore. Should I keep making her go they say she's OK when she's there but she tells me she doesn't like it there?

I feel so stressed out I feel I can't cope and my husband whose father died last year who also had Alzheimer's isn't supportive.

I manage to hold it together just about at work but I keep catching viruses and feel worn out.

 

[RedLou]

I care from a distance, too. (In my case, another country.) All caring, whether daily or distance, is incredibly stressful and it sounds to me as if you need to take a step back for your own sake. What will probably happen is that a crisis will occur and a better system of care will be found, and altered going forward, as the situation changes. It's horrible waiting for the crisis (in my father's case, admission to hospital) but better once they're safe. In the interim, keep telling yourself, 'this, too, will pass,' or whatever works for you and try to switch off from it for certain hours of the day.
The day care centre is the least of your worries. You'll probably find that if you stop that, she'll be unhappy about something else, (in my experience.) Don't fret about every aspect, just deal with the unavoidable ones, like medication administration. Has your mother got a social worker (or however the system works in this country?) I used to hand problems like medication administration to my dad's.

 

[susanandliam]

I care from a distance, too. (In my case, another country.) All caring, whether daily or distance, is incredibly stressful and it sounds to me as if you need to take a step back for your own sake. What will probably happen is that a crisis will occur and a better system of care will be found, and altered going forward, as the situation changes. It's horrible waiting for the crisis (in my father's case, admission to hospital) but better once they're safe. In the interim, keep telling yourself, 'this, too, will pass,' or whatever works for you and try to switch off from it for certain hours of the day.
The day care centre is the least of your worries. You'll probably find that if you stop that, she'll be unhappy about something else, (in my experience.) Don't fret about every aspect, just deal with the unavoidable ones, like medication administration. Has your mother got a social worker (or however the system works in this country?) I used to hand problems like medication administration to my dad's.

Thank you for contacting me it helps to hear from someone else! Just finding it a struggle as she has already had a bad fall this year and infections and hardly a day seems to go by when something isn't happening!

It must be difficult for you being in another country guess it puts thing in perspective.

Feel a bit of a fraud compared to what so many poor people are going through on here, but I can't help worrying how much longer she can carry on on her own like this.

It doesn't help that my brother said he promised Mum that she would never go into a home and whenever I say she has had a bad turn like yesterday he can't be bothered to drive the 20mins/half an hour to her house to check on her.

There was a care/social worker at one time assigned to Mum approx. four/five years ago when she was diagnosed. Apparently because Mum has over a certain level of savings she pays herself for a carer to come in every day and I haven't heard from the care/social worker again!

I guess you are right about the day care centre just makes me feel bad as I feel as if I'm forcing her to go somewhere she doesn't want to be.

 

[marionq]

Who is care for?

My husband is about to start day care and I am told this is not just about him it is also for me. That being so I think you have to discount the complaints if any as long as they are going, being looked after safely, entertained, well fed etc.

We are often trying too hard unlike your brother who doesn't seem to be trying at all! If I were not here my husband would deteriorate fast and be in a home but he is so well looked after he has no awareness of how much is being done for him.

Step back a bit and give yourself and husband some more time.

 

[susanandliam]

My husband is about to start day care and I am told this is not just about him it is also for me. That being so I think you have to discount the complaints if any as long as they are going, being looked after safely, entertained, well fed etc.

We are often trying too hard unlike your brother who doesn't seem to be trying at all! If I were not here my husband would deteriorate fast and be in a home but he is so well looked after he has no awareness of how much is being done for him.

Step back a bit and give yourself and husband some more time.

Thank you yes you are right about the day care, feel like I am running myself ragged trying to sort everything out and travelling five and half hours just to get there at weekend and using my annual leave up!

I will try and ease up! Thank you for your advice.