Having been an observer of this forum for several years, I am finally sharing my own thoughts. My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2008 and through the last years, I have seen her disappear from my life bit by bit. Being an only child and my dad dying in 1983, I think my mum and I were as close as could be and she was a great part of my life and family. My mum passed away on 21 October and I have been stunned how upset and sad I feel ,as I thought I would feel relief as the illness had destroyed her for some time. I find it hard when everyone's memories of her is fun and laughter, in fact I feel quite jealous of them,as all I can see right now is her last few years, when friends and family did not see her . I know I am angry that others did not visit, but I see in my attempts to protect them in her latter stages, I would be the one to reassure them that she was'ok' and they would find it upsetting!! I'm sure the happy times will come back to me in time, and her funeral tomorrow may help as I am determined to celebrate her life. I think I have finally written here as I do believe it is all something to be experienced to understand .