What a Week we have had . You may remember I posted recently about the sudden deterioration in Jim's dementia ...things took a dramatic turn this week .
Since being diagnosed with AD he has become very possessive and objects to me doing anything that is not for him. Particularly he doesn't like me spending any time on my computer.
On Monday he was ranting and raving about me doing some work for my son's business I had to get some figures ready for the Accountant and had explained this to Jim over the week end I chose to do it Monday as there was Cricket on TV and the cleaning lady was also here for three hours that day and Jim will chat to her, so I knew he would have other things to occupy him.
During the morning I was also on the telephone to my Son and to the Accountant .
Also the telephone rang with a call from my eldest daughter asking how we both were...I have a good relationship with my children and since Jim's Alzheimer's I do not get to see them very much but we keep in touch via the telephone.
Jim was getting very agitated and as soon as the cleaner left he started in one of his rants...I might add that prior to AD he never became agitated at all.
I tried all the usual things to distract him changing the subject ignoring the insults etc. eventually I persuaded him that we should go and visit his daughter who lives in the same village as we do.
WE called to see her and helped her to assemble some new furniture she had just bought ..in all we were there about 2 hours whilst we were there Jim seemed to have got over his outburst and was quite calm and pleasant.
When we got home.as soon as we got into the house he turned towards me with such a viscious look on his face and said "don't do me any tea I am not Hungry" and stormed off into the lounge.
I carried on as normal and we both watched the evening news on TV. I must have dozed off for a second as the next thing was the telephone rang and woke me up ..it was my son ..thanking me for getting the figures done for him earlier...Jim was not in the room when I checked where he was asleep in the conservatory.
I then walked through to wher my computer is and checked my emails all the time I am still on the phone to my son.
The next thing I know Jim appeared at the door and threw a photograph frame with a picture of me and him together into the room ranting again !! I came off the phone to my son...my children are used to phone calls ending abruptly as it often happens Jim will throw a tantrum when I am talking to them.
I followed him back into the lounge and he was ranting and really agitated he wanted a divorce he was taking all the money out of the bank and going away I was not to use his car (It is my car BTW) I tried to divert his attention and would not argue with him this only seemed to agrivate him more he became more agitated saying really viscious things about my children still demanding that he wanted a divorce I said "fine Jim what ever you want "..then he got even more agressive the upshot was ....sorry this is such a saga...that He was shaking his fist coming towards me shouting he wanted me out I rang my youngest daughter and said I needed her to come across and get me out as I thought I was in physical danger I then went into my bedroom to get out of his way I had to barricade myself in and he was shouting and banging and trying to force his way in My neighbours and good friends of us both had to come over. To cut a very long story short ..since then the CPN has become involved and it has been agreed that I need some respite and Jim will go to day care for two days a week.
He has always refused this but has had to accept this arrangement or the alternative is me leaving. I have rheumatoid Arthritis Angina and high blood pressure .
Things are better but still not good Because of my health issues I get tired very easily I am also on medication that makes me drowsy I am so so tired if I try to take a nap Jim shouts at me and wakes me up saying I am stealing his time I should be awake talking to him..he will also wake me up in the early hours of the morning ( He thinks it is much later) by coming into my bedroom and shouting usually something on the lines of get up you are wasting my life or stealing his time.
He is now saying he is not going to the Day centre and there is nothing wrong with him he seems ok during the day it seems to be around tea time he starts again..nothing as bad as the first outburst on Monday but the underlying aggression is there he walked out of the house on thursday because I was falling asleep in the chair..pointedly picked up his wallet and muttered something about walking down to the riverside.....to be quite honest I was so exhausted I didn't care where he was going I was just too tired to argue..he came back about half an hour later and said aggressively that he wanted my computer and any bookwork out of his house !! again I just agreed and said I would sort it out the next day. Friday Tea Time I was sitting in the chair and had nodded off to sleep when he shouted so loud and said "Judith this has to stop why are you asleep!!)
I am afraid I just cried in fact I sobbed and asked him to please let me rest his reaction is not that it is wrong to wake me like this but I am wrong for getting upset. After this there followed an hour of argument over going to theDay centre..in the end I have tried to compromise by saying that it would be ok to go for one day instead of two... He is just constantly on at me wearing me down.
I dare not tell my children of this as they will want me to leave him so I have come to my friends here on talking point . All I need is time to rest and sleep I now understand how sleep depravation is used as a method of torture. Thankyou for bearing with me to the end of this ramble I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions on how to cope better.
thank you
Judith
Since being diagnosed with AD he has become very possessive and objects to me doing anything that is not for him. Particularly he doesn't like me spending any time on my computer.
On Monday he was ranting and raving about me doing some work for my son's business I had to get some figures ready for the Accountant and had explained this to Jim over the week end I chose to do it Monday as there was Cricket on TV and the cleaning lady was also here for three hours that day and Jim will chat to her, so I knew he would have other things to occupy him.
During the morning I was also on the telephone to my Son and to the Accountant .
Also the telephone rang with a call from my eldest daughter asking how we both were...I have a good relationship with my children and since Jim's Alzheimer's I do not get to see them very much but we keep in touch via the telephone.
Jim was getting very agitated and as soon as the cleaner left he started in one of his rants...I might add that prior to AD he never became agitated at all.
I tried all the usual things to distract him changing the subject ignoring the insults etc. eventually I persuaded him that we should go and visit his daughter who lives in the same village as we do.
WE called to see her and helped her to assemble some new furniture she had just bought ..in all we were there about 2 hours whilst we were there Jim seemed to have got over his outburst and was quite calm and pleasant.
When we got home.as soon as we got into the house he turned towards me with such a viscious look on his face and said "don't do me any tea I am not Hungry" and stormed off into the lounge.
I carried on as normal and we both watched the evening news on TV. I must have dozed off for a second as the next thing was the telephone rang and woke me up ..it was my son ..thanking me for getting the figures done for him earlier...Jim was not in the room when I checked where he was asleep in the conservatory.
I then walked through to wher my computer is and checked my emails all the time I am still on the phone to my son.
The next thing I know Jim appeared at the door and threw a photograph frame with a picture of me and him together into the room ranting again !! I came off the phone to my son...my children are used to phone calls ending abruptly as it often happens Jim will throw a tantrum when I am talking to them.
I followed him back into the lounge and he was ranting and really agitated he wanted a divorce he was taking all the money out of the bank and going away I was not to use his car (It is my car BTW) I tried to divert his attention and would not argue with him this only seemed to agrivate him more he became more agitated saying really viscious things about my children still demanding that he wanted a divorce I said "fine Jim what ever you want "..then he got even more agressive the upshot was ....sorry this is such a saga...that He was shaking his fist coming towards me shouting he wanted me out I rang my youngest daughter and said I needed her to come across and get me out as I thought I was in physical danger I then went into my bedroom to get out of his way I had to barricade myself in and he was shouting and banging and trying to force his way in My neighbours and good friends of us both had to come over. To cut a very long story short ..since then the CPN has become involved and it has been agreed that I need some respite and Jim will go to day care for two days a week.
He has always refused this but has had to accept this arrangement or the alternative is me leaving. I have rheumatoid Arthritis Angina and high blood pressure .
Things are better but still not good Because of my health issues I get tired very easily I am also on medication that makes me drowsy I am so so tired if I try to take a nap Jim shouts at me and wakes me up saying I am stealing his time I should be awake talking to him..he will also wake me up in the early hours of the morning ( He thinks it is much later) by coming into my bedroom and shouting usually something on the lines of get up you are wasting my life or stealing his time.
He is now saying he is not going to the Day centre and there is nothing wrong with him he seems ok during the day it seems to be around tea time he starts again..nothing as bad as the first outburst on Monday but the underlying aggression is there he walked out of the house on thursday because I was falling asleep in the chair..pointedly picked up his wallet and muttered something about walking down to the riverside.....to be quite honest I was so exhausted I didn't care where he was going I was just too tired to argue..he came back about half an hour later and said aggressively that he wanted my computer and any bookwork out of his house !! again I just agreed and said I would sort it out the next day. Friday Tea Time I was sitting in the chair and had nodded off to sleep when he shouted so loud and said "Judith this has to stop why are you asleep!!)
I am afraid I just cried in fact I sobbed and asked him to please let me rest his reaction is not that it is wrong to wake me like this but I am wrong for getting upset. After this there followed an hour of argument over going to theDay centre..in the end I have tried to compromise by saying that it would be ok to go for one day instead of two... He is just constantly on at me wearing me down.
I dare not tell my children of this as they will want me to leave him so I have come to my friends here on talking point . All I need is time to rest and sleep I now understand how sleep depravation is used as a method of torture. Thankyou for bearing with me to the end of this ramble I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions on how to cope better.
thank you
Judith