1. Louise70

    Louise70 Registered User

    Nov 23, 2007
    6
    West Midlands
    Hi Everyone

    Ive only posted a couple of times but i'm a regular lurker.

    Mom passed away on the 29th January, and although it was expected and ive watched her slip away from me over the last few months. Nothing could have prepared me for the overwelhming hurt i felt.

    I feel worse now than at the time if that is possible, I jumped straight into organising everything registering the death, funeral arrangements, flowers, food etc for the wake. Helping my brother who lived with mom, sorting the bills changing names etc being strong for everyone. Everyone kept saying how proud they were and i held myself up well on the day etc ...

    And now its all over and life slips back into its normal step I feel completely heart broken, lost, angry, scared to cry for the fear of not stopping. I thought i was doing ok and the old saying your moms your best friend is so true she was my best friend and if i could just hold her one last time touch her face and tell her i love her.

    And the thought of the coming months fills me with dread knowing ive got to open my eyes each morning and the feeling of loss will wash over me.

    Sorry to go on I could keep writing but think i'll leave it here for now.

    God Bless
    Louise
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,672
    Kent
    Dear Louise,

    I am so sorry you are suffering the loss of your mother so deeply, and can only offer my deepest sympathy.

    The time for being strong has gone. Now you no longer need to put on a brave face for the world, just allow yourself to grieve for your loss.

    Take care xx
     
  3. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Dear Louise
    don't bottle it up.
    It is now over 7 moonths since I lost my precious wife.
    People told me it would get better,it hasn't,but it has become different.
    When I awake I dread the day and I miss her so much.
    I find the only way is to try and fill every minute,that doesn't give time to think too much.mY only consolation is that she is at peace and not confused and worried anymore,I am glad that she went first and that I did not leave her alone.
    Louise I do feel for you,let it all out,it does help to cry.I still do
    Thinking about you
    Norman
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Louise

    I'm so sorry you've lost your mum, and not at all surprised that you're feeling so bad.

    The period after a death is so busy, and you really don't have time to grieve. As long as there is soething to organise, people to talk to, you don't feel the loss so deeply.

    And then suddenly there's this huge gap, and nothing to fill it.

    You have to be kind to yourself now. If you have friends you feel comfortable with, talk to them, even if you don't feel life talking. And if you just want to sit on your own for a while to think about your mum, just do that. The important thing is not to try to fight your grief. Just do whatever seems right for you at the time.

    And come and talk to us on TP at any time. We do understand.

    Love and hugs,
     
  5. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Louise,

    I think what you're feeling is very "normal"..you held yourself together as long as there was a need..a focus..

    Now you are experiencing the loss ....and grieving..

    I lost my dad 4 years ago and the emptiness he left is hard to describe...

    All I can tell you is that it gets better..

    There is no "right" way to grieve..it takes time..and we all take our own time and do it in our different ways..

    Have you thought about bereavement counselling..I know it sounds a bit off putting..but maybe worth a thought...

    Most important..as Norman said..don't bottle it up...

    Love Gigi x
     
  6. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    420
    Dear Louise,

    so sorry to hear your dear mum has passed away. It's early days for you yet, and if you've been so busy and holding it together for everyone, it's no surprise there's a wave of grief washing over you.

    I still feel it months after losing several relatives to whom I was very close...there is that great gaping hole, and some mornings I wake up with the tight feeling in my throat and a weight in my stomach. It passes after a while, and a good cry usually helps.

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you can only take it a day at a time and try not to bottle things up. It feels cruel when things seem to go back to normal, whatever normal may be, when we really feel the world should stop. People stop asking after a while, everyone seems to go back to their routine. I've gone back to my routine too, and while I enjoy my job and am out with friends and having good times, there are days when I don't want to come out from under the duvet. I usually do and feel better for it, but the missing and the longing are always there. I still get very weepy for my 2 aunts and uncle and gramps, and sometimes the happy memories and the feeling that they are now at peace are just so hard to reconcile with the huge loss...

    Take it easy and be gentle to yourself.
    Tina x
     
  7. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Dear, Louise
    I am so, so sorry to hear that your Mum has passed. I have been wondering how things were for you all.
    All I can say is, I found that after about the 5th week of losing my Mum, my grief intensified, I just felt like I couldn't cope with normal day to day things even coping with my children, I even felt like I was going mad.
    Its been 6 months for us now and it doesn't get any easier, you just have to adjust. I know how special your Mum was, like mine.
    I would do anything to hear her voice or cuddle her.
    You will get through this, but it is so early for you, as others have said don't bottle it up and let your tears flow. I know now that you can't rush grief.
    Lets be thankful our Mum's aren't suffering from that dreadful disease anymore.
    Thinking of you,
    Sending you Love, Hugs and Strength,
     
  8. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    Hi Louise

    Sorry to hear about the passing of your mother.
    Please please please cry, scream, shout or type on here till your fingers hurt. Whichever you feel will help the most.

    You'v looked after everyone else or made sure you have been busy since the passing. Now please take some time for yourself, easier said than done I know.

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is don't push yourself, you need to grieve and grieve in your own time and way. However don't run yourself into the ground.

    Sending you HUGS.

    Take Care
    Clare
     
  9. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Hi Louise

    I lost my Mum on 17th January.

    I would say, it has hit me more in the past week or so.

    I cried before... (loads), but in the past 2 weeks I have sobbed, and sobbed and sobbed.

    I feel cheated when I see old women in the street with their grandchildren. I look up at the sky, and wonder if Mum can see me. I ask God (if there is one) why he didn't let my Mum see my children grow.

    I have an empty feeling.

    I am still in denial most of the time. I drive along, the sun shines, and I almost feel in my heart that my Mum will be home, just like usual.. just like she has been living with us for the past 5 weeks.

    I have a lock of her hair in my handbag. Sometimes I touch it, and remember stroking her hair so soft.

    I hear her voice, I see her face all the time. Sometimes, I forget myself and think I must go upstairs and tell her I am popping out.

    I want to scream - I feel so angry.

    I am scared of the future and what it holds with Dad's dementia. I so want my Mum back to tell her how awful the past month or so has been. To tell her that the pensions people registered Dad dead aswell by mistake.. to tell her I realised they have not paid Dad his attenance allowance for 2.5 years! To tell her that she was silly to have not told me Dad was having delusions.

    I get out 5 plates for dinner, and feel sick because I am so used to counting 6.

    I cry at the drop of a hat - even at work. I cry on the way home.. I cry at songs on the radio.

    I've never felt tears burn so much as this.

    You are not alone Louise - my heart goes out to you.

    Beverley x
     
  10. Louise70

    Louise70 Registered User

    Nov 23, 2007
    6
    West Midlands
    Hello Everyone,

    Thank you so much for all your kind words and advise, I know you have probably heard this before but it means a great deal knowing that people understand.

    I am having a bit better day today, which i'm grateful for.

    Thank you all again speak to you soon.

    Take Care
    Love Louise
     
  11. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    155
    stretford
    HI LOUISE


    Iam so sorry for your loss i to lost my mother it willbe 2 years on march the 6th. Not a day goes by i dont think of her you had this strenght in you when your mother passed orgonizing everythin iam sure she was lookingdown proud. Cry do what ever it takes is so hard i know anytime you need to get anything of your chest just pop on here and there will be someone with some comforting words for you thats the great thing about this site there will be someone who has been through the same thing and will try to comfor you in any way 2 years on and i still pop on here everyso often

    take care kathyx
     
  12. frederickgt

    frederickgt Registered User

    Jun 4, 2005
    124
    Hornchurch,Essex
    Hello Louise.I know exactly how you feel i lost my dear anna Jan 14th,exactly one week after her 74th birthday,I miss her terrible,and I am not ashamed to say I have cried,and still do,she was so lovely..she still is..I loved her and I still do.my earnest hope is that I may soon rejoin her,but at least I know that sje is no longer confused,or suffering,but is back with her mother and father,who she so often told me she wanted to return to.
    I see her vacant corner in our living room,and I cry,then I remind myself that she does not have her problems anymore,and I am pleased for her.GodBless her,and thankGod for the forty happy years we had together.
    Sometimes I feel so low I think I would like to join her immediately,but then I think she wiuld be ashamed of me,and I dont want that.Take courage Louise,and I will pray for you.will you pray for me? I pray that we both will have strength to carry on with our lives.
    I have just completed a book about Anna's life from 1934 until 2008,I think she would love it,I hope she knows.
    Now I must look for other things to occupy me in the lonely days and months ahead God Bless you Louise,and all who suffer as we do
    fred.
     
  13. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Louise,

    Grief is often at its worst about 4-6 weeks after the loss of a loved one. I hope for your sake that the intensity of your feelings reduces as time goes by.

    People told me it would get better,it hasn't,but it has become different. Norman

    I think Norman has summed it up very well. The pain of loss remains with us, but it starts to feel different. There is a "cushioning effect" created by time passing - new memories laid down, new experiences, etc. All these help to make "going on" a little easier.

    As Sylvia said, give yourself permission to grieve and allow yourself time to ge over this. My sincerest condolences on the loss of your beloved mother.
     
  14. sherrie1962

    sherrie1962 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2008
    5
    hertfordshire
    my lovely mum

    I am new to posting on this website,but nearly every day I would log on to read messages and realise there were other people going through this terrible illness,which did help me get through some days. I lost my lovely mum on 29/1/08 after nearly 3 yrs after being diagnosed with Alzheimers she also had type1 diabetes. She fought so hard, getting over 2 chest infections, then being unable to walk and needing 24hr care was transferred to a local nursing home, which was very good. Dad did his best to look after mum before this, having carers in twice a day. It is heartbreaking to watch someone you love deteriorate beyond recognition.Mum lost so much weight and past away weighing less than 4 stone.She was such a massive part of our lives and always ready for a chat and would do anything for her family. I miss her terribly. I like to keep busy to occupy my mind, thank god I have a suportive family.Dad is doing well, considering, and I promised mum I would look after him which is what I am going to do. Sorry to ramble on and thanks for listening to me.
     
  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,672
    Kent
    Hello Sherrie.

    I`m so sorry you lost your mother so recently to Alzheimers. It`s good to know you were helped, however little, by the pages of Talking Point.

    I hope you will continue to draw comfort from TP whenever you need to. Please post as often as you wish. You can `ramble` as much and as often as you like here. That`s what it`s for.

    Take care xx
     

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