So sad

[Feline]

Last evening I visited my husband at the nursing home. He had been put to bed at six o'clock. I arrived just after, later than usual.
He lay flat on the bed looking completely vacant. When I spoke and touched him
there was no recognition or response, no smile until I had been there a while, just the one short smile. (I had a round trip of 20miles for that, but worth it.)
He is still looking strong but cannot say or do anything except chew and swallow. Sometimes he can lift his hand to rub his nose or try to touch something I can't see.
Some of you may remember my few posts in the past over the nine years I looked after him at home.
Looking at him last evening made me feel so sad and wishing for his sake he could leave this world, because I know he would hate being like this,but I know his body is strong and he has a long time to go,(it might even be me that goes first, who knows.)
I hope you don't mind but I just wanted to write here where some of you might understand.
I have kept myself together mostly but today is a day of sadness,but next visit may have more smiles.

 

[Trisha4]

Oh Feline what a difficult experience for you. It is awful to see our loved ones in ways they would not want to see themselves. It's amazing how strong the body can still be when the mind has degenerated so much. I'm sending positive thoughts and hugs as that's all I can offer. I hope your next visit feels better X


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[Feline]

Oh Feline what a difficult experience for you. It is awful to see our loved ones in ways they would not want to see themselves. It's amazing how strong the body can still be when the mind has degenerated so much. I'm sending positive thoughts and hugs as that's all I can offer. I hope your next visit feels better X


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

Thank you Trisha4, I think thoughts and hugs are just what I needed and I expect when I visit next during the day, it will be better, there is always something going on with the others, activity wise and he is always included even though he is unable to say or do anything.x

 

[sleepless]

Feline, I am so sorry you experienced such sadness on visiting your husband.
I wonder if the process of being helped to bed tires him, and maybe that was why he was less responsive than usual?
I hope your next visit is better. It is only natural to feel downhearted when you make the journey there and perhaps feel it didn't register with him. I once did the round trip of 150 miles to see my dad and he slept all the time. As I was leaving I said goodbye and asked him if he wanted a drink before I left?
"Too tired" was all he said, without opening his eyes....
We all have days when the negatives overwhelm anything positive we try to do, and this is the place to come and know we are not alone.

 

[pamann]

Hello feline, so sorry you had no reponse from you husband, that is so upsetting for you. When you visit in the daytime does he know who you are? Post on my thread (Loved ones in a CH) there will be more people there to give you support as we all know what it is like.

 

[LadyA]

Just sending you a hug feline. ((.)))

 

[esmeralda]

So sorry for you both in your heartbreaking situation Felix. My husband is similarly affected although not quite so advanced. People say how 'well' he looks and he has a strong constitution, but they don't see how helpless he really is. I hope you have a better visit next time. It's good that you came on here, there's so much love and support. Big hugs, Es
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Onlyme]

I used to find the vacant face with no recollection of any type the worst part. I wanted to beg please, just for a moment, remember me or that I am connected to you. I decided I would have to remember for both of us but it never made the hurt go away.

I'm glad you got a smile as it must have meant so much.

 

[Jean1234]

Last evening I visited my husband at the nursing home. He had been put to bed at six o'clock. I arrived just after, later than usual.
He lay flat on the bed looking completely vacant. When I spoke and touched him
there was no recognition or response, no smile until I had been there a while, just the one short smile. (I had a round trip of 20miles for that, but worth it.)
He is still looking strong but cannot say or do anything except chew and swallow. Sometimes he can lift his hand to rub his nose or try to touch something I can't see.
Some of you may remember my few posts in the past over the nine years I looked after him at home.
Looking at him last evening made me feel so sad and wishing for his sake he could leave this world, because I know he would hate being like this,but I know his body is strong and he has a long time to go,(it might even be me that goes first, who knows.)
I hope you don't mind but I just wanted to write here where some of you might understand.
I have kept myself together mostly but today is a day of sadness,but next visit may have more smiles.

A big cyber hug to you. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

 

[Scarlett123]

Oh how well I remember feeling at rock bottom when John would have the "vacant look", or the terrified one, or appear to look at something non existent, over my shoulder.

I was relieved when his suffering was finally over, because he would have hated the person he had become, and I looked after him for nearly 12 years at home. Someone asked me today how long it was since John had died. When I was first asked this, last year, to begin with, I spoke of how many weeks. Then it became months.

Then this year, when asked, I've said "a year ago, last Christmas". But now, as we're in August, I replied "It'll be 2 years at Christmas". That felt odd. But I firmly believe there is no Alzheimer's in Heaven, and my darling man is well again.

 

[Feline]

Oh how well I remember feeling at rock bottom when John would have the "vacant look", or the terrified one, or appear to look at something non existent, over my shoulder.

I was relieved when his suffering was finally over, because he would have hated the person he had become, and I looked after him for nearly 12 years at home. Someone asked me today how long it was since John had died. When I was first asked this, last year, to begin with, I spoke of how many weeks. Then it became months.

Then this year, when asked, I've said "a year ago, last Christmas". But now, as we're in August, I replied "It'll be 2 years at Christmas". That felt odd. But I firmly believe there is no Alzheimer's in Heaven, and my darling man is well again.

Thank you to all of you for your thoughts, hugs and more.
I think also What didn't help my sadness was going straight from my husband to my parents who I care for also , to give them their medication and put them to bed so that they were safe for the night.
Anyway yesterday and today were more normal having my Grandchildren to stay over and larking about as they do.
I too, think there is no Alzheimer's in heaven. Thinking of you all.

 

[Trisha4]

Night night Feline


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[Willow Tree]

One more hug and warm wishes for your happiness and peace. It helps to know you're not alone at these times and so many of us are pulling for you. I'm glad you shared with us.

Big Hug,
Willow Tree

 

[marionq]

Thank you to all of you for your thoughts, hugs and more.
I think also What didn't help my sadness was going straight from my husband to my parents who I care for also , to give them their medication and put them to bed so that they were safe for the night. .

Feline, when I read that I got an emotional jolt. You are looking after three adults. How courageous and how decent of you. I can only wish you everything good in terms of health to keep you going. God bless you.

 

[esmeralda]

I also felt quite overwhelmed that you have so much on your plate Feline. Please do access all the help you can get, you need time for yourself, especially as you're grieving over how much you and your husband have lost. Another hug and lots of love.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Scarlett123]

Feline, when I read that I got an emotional jolt. You are looking after three adults. How courageous and how decent of you. I can only wish you everything good in terms of health to keep you going. God bless you.

Me too. You certainly have far more on your plate than anyone should have. What a very special person you must be. My old aunt used to say "God makes the back to bear the burden". Yours must be made of steel. xxx

 

[Feline]

I also felt quite overwhelmed that you have so much on your plate Feline. Please do access all the help you can get, you need time for yourself, especially as you're grieving over how much you and your husband have lost. Another hug and lots of love.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You are all so kind, unfortunately today I spent the day in hospital with my father who had a stroke early in the morning followed by a few seizures until the doctors decided to give anticonvulsants. He was calm and sleeping when I left this evening to come home and console my mother who after 67 years of marriage is obviously very upset. Will see what tomorrow brings.