So sad


Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
Went to visit Ken in the assessment unit at 2pm. He had a v neck jumper on but no shirt underneath. He looked so unloved and uncared for. So thin and so much in distress. I took him into his 'shared'bedroom to put a shirt on him, started crying and haven't stopped since! He tried to comfort me which made me cry even harder. I just sat on his bed and couldn't control myself. After a while his mind drifted off somewhere and our minds seperated once again.

Cried all the way home in the car, drove on automatic pilot. I am so sad. I can't stop crying and it is now 7.15pm. I've given myself a headache and my nose is red raw but I just can't stop.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Tina love, you have my sympathy. I've just come back from hospital too, and for the first time John begged me to take him home. It's so hard to bear.

But like me you know Ken isn't well enough to come home. That doesn't make it any easier, though, does it?

I can't give you any answers, just lots of love and hugs.



Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Oh dear Tina - I just want to cry with you and for you. How horrendous.

BUT - how is he being looked after generally? I ask that cos I do not think dress matters that much as long as the general care is ok. As you are not happy then why not go in and chat to the Manager - get yourself involved with them and maybe you will feel better about things.

I am sure other people here on TP will have comments for you.

In the meantime thinking about you.

Best wishes Jan


Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
Thank you so much for your kind words. How good to know we have our virtual friends to give us a hug and love. And more importantly that their experiences of life give them the right to give me a hug.

Beckyjan my love, I am involved to a very great extent on the ward but I really did appreciate your concern and could feel your warmth.. There were 3 nurses and 22 patients today. What can one say. It is the National Health Service and that is that. The nurses are kind and patient to everyone but when I came out of the bedroom, one was mopping up some wee wee, another nurse getting the drinks ready and a third one in the office doing whatever the nurse in charge does. Anyway I am glad I posted as I have now finally stopped the crying jag, thank goodness. Love to you all xx TinaT


Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
leigh lancashire
Hi TinaT,hope you are feeling a bit better.I can understand how you feel,if my dad hasn't got a tie on when i go to visit him i think there is something amiss and he lives at home with mum.its distressing to see the nhs so understaffed at the expense of our loved ones.I can't say this is the reason Ken was not dressed properly,although i can say the staffing level in the home i work in is 1:10.not enough if i may say so,but they do get well looked after and are dressed appropriatley.I commend the nursing profession but wouldn't be a nurse for a gold pig.take care of yourself and i hope your next visit is a better tou you and elainex

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Tina,

I can only imagine how you must have felt.
I`m glad you were comforted enough by Hazel and Beckyjan, because i just don`t know what to say.

It`s the fact he tried to comfort you, which upset me the most.

I understand you think he is being neglected if he looks unkempt, but really it`s the total care that`s the most important.

He could be dressed to the nines every day, and be neglected in far more important [in my opinion] ways than being without a shirt.

I do hope you manage to let the staff know how much this affects you. It might make them more aware.

Love xx

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
North Derbyshire

Dear Tina,

I cried myself after reading your email. I am so sorry for how you feel, but does Ken feel as bad as you do?

Re the NHS, My mum went into a mental ward in the small town of Buxton, Derbyshire, where they had 4 staff to 12 patients (and it wasn't always full). They were absolutely marvellous and a model of how the NHS should be. As well as the 4 nursing staff, there were two Occupational Therapists at least twice a week, a visiting GP, the consultant Psychiatrist and a team of hopsital volunteers who appeared some weekends (not all).

After mum's discharge, I told the staff I had been delighted with mum's care, and they asked me to notify their boss, whom they didn't think was aware of the good job they were doing. I did that, and have not even had the courtesy of an acknoledgement from him, after 5 weeks.

So, given the right circumstances, the NHS is brilliant, but I also know that at time it is sadly lacking. Wish everyone could come to Buxton to the [From Jennifer: edited to remove name of hospital].


Last edited by a moderator:


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
TinaT said:
He looked so unloved and uncared for.
Dear Tina, it is so very hard to see our loved ones in this way, I know I feel like this at times with my mum and it is distressing. I think mainly what is happening really is that, it is us that is having trouble coming to terms with the situation and it doesn't take much to trigger our emotions. Sometimes when I look at mum I think, the adult version of orphan Annie and she is not bothered in the least. It is nice to hear that the nurses are kind and patient. I don't know enough about the UK system to comment on National Health System, but, here in Australia even posting large bonds doesn't guarantee better care, were my mum is there are 16 residents to 1 care attendant and 2 registered nurses on duty Mon-Fri for the whole 4 wings which have 16 residents each. HIGH CARE wing has 2 carers per 16. Of a night time the carer leaves the wing mum is in at 9.30pm and after that time the residents are checked every 2 hrs through out the night, there are no surveillance cameras but the wing is secure. Wishing you better days ahead. Take Care. Taffy.

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