1. conradt

    conradt Registered User

    Dec 2, 2008
    17
    Leicester
    Why do I feel so tired and sad. Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers in July last year and has had 3 admissions to hospital during that time, two for urine infections and one because of a fall.

    Throughout this time, mum has made it quite clear that she doesn't need or want help, so much so that she has refused entry to ANYONE knocking on her door or phoning her to let her know who they are and why they needed to see her.

    Every Saturday or Sunday we have made a 500 mile round trip to enable her to stay in her own home, but it has now been decided by the doctors, mum's C.P.N. and her Social worker that she will need to go into care. ( mum is presently in hospital ).

    I feel as though I have let mum down badly and feel there is no alternative but to find some kind of residential care for mum. I know she would no longer manage at home - her mobility has become almost non- existant since her diagnoses and she has had several falls, not to mention her mental capacity - so why do I feel so sad.

    Maybe it's because I see my mum fading away and her world becoming smaller. I hate Alzheimers and what it does to people!
    The strange thing is that I work as a care assistant in a residential care home for people with dementia, but it wasn't supposed to happen to my mum.

    Sorry for being so gloomy, I think I'm just having a bad day and have been fighting against mum going into care nearly as much as she has.

    conradt
     
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. None of this was to happen to our loved ones; I wonder how this could happen to my husband :confused::confused::eek::eek:

    You will understand about nursing/residential care. Once the move has been made I do hope your Mum settles and enjoys life as best she can. (I do not believe you are letting her down although I understand the feeling).
    Good luck Jan
     
  3. Lotti

    Lotti Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    52
    Nothing prepares us for 'the move' to residential care. I hope your mum settles and begins to enjoy the company of the other residents.
    Regards
    Lotti
     
  4. Sam Iam

    Sam Iam Registered User

    Sep 29, 2008
    3,151
    WEST OF THE MOON
    Conradt you are entitled to have a down day,your Mum has reached another stage and is in need of help for her own protection.

    It does feel so unfair at times doesn't it? why!!?
    I wish I had a punch bag at times:D I would knock the living daylights out of it.
    Hope all goes well for your Mum and you xx
     
  5. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    4,577
    Telford
    Hi Conradt

    What a shame, but you haven't let your mum down at all. It takes a lot out of a person, doing a 500 mile round trip every weekend and you've managed to keep her self-sufficient thus far but there comes a time when safety is paramount and it has reached that stage in your mum's case.

    Can you place her in a care home close to you so you can see a bit more of her? That may ease the move a bit for both you and your mum.

    Of course you are sad, and it's a credit to you that you are :) Also, you do a wonderful job if you work in a care home and you are quite right, it's not supposed to happen to your mum.

    This is an evil disease but you are doing your best for your mum. My old ma always used to say to me before exams "just do your best, love, you can't do any more". I'm working on that same principle years and years later, trying to do that same best for my mum.

    Best wishes and let us know how things progress

    Vonny xx
     

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