So quick

[twobong]

I have posted before about my mum and aggression , 3 weeks ago she had an episode at home , a nurse witnessed this and made arrangements for her to go to hospital.It was confirmed she is an advanced stage of the disease. Since then she has had infections (bladder and chest) this along with delirium and we are now looking at end of life care . They will be removing fluids and make her as comfortable as they can , treat her for any pain . She hasn't eaten or drunk anything for about a week . I just cant believe how quick this has moved in just a short space of time . My Dad is heartbroken , now we both question " what if she didn't go into hospital " . I'm so confused with it all now , don't want her in pain .

 

[Cat27]

I’m so sorry @twobong. Questioning past decisions us natural thing to do when faced with watching someone we loved fade away. You dud what was best at that time. I wish you strength to get through.

 

[canary]

Infections are very common in the last stages of dementia as the bodies immune system is disrupted by the dementia. TBH, I doubt that not going into hospital would have changed anything.
Im sorry that you have reached this stage. It is a hard time watching the body slowly shutting down
((((((hugs)))))))

 

[Slugsta]

I'm sorry that you re having to watch your lovely mum fade away, I know how very hard that is (((hugs))).

 

[twobong]

I’m so sorry @twobong. Questioning past decisions us natural thing to do when faced with watching someone we loved fade away. You dud what was best at that time. I wish you strength to get through.

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry your mum has reached this stage. As others have said, please don't blame yourselves. Wishing you and your dad strength for the days to come.

 

[twobong]

We feel so helpless , we are desperate to help her and hang onto her for as long as possible. She doesnt look at us anymore and and can just lay there sobbing and crying , like a plea for help . We are trying so hard to get fluids in her and it feels like she just wants to go . I'd give anything to get her back , anything. I'm not giving up hope.

 

[malengwa]

My mum was like this too, she went downhill so quickly, and what was meant to be a couple if weeks respite for dad, ended up being the beginning if the end. We took ages getting her into a home we were happy with and she was only there a month.
Have I felt bad or guilty? Yes, at times, it's natural to think 'what if' I'd done this or that differently, would she still be here? Who knows, but I take comfort from the fact that even if she had lived longer, would she have had any more quality, and put that way, no, she wouldn't have.

I wish you strength, and hope for you this part goes with serenity. My mum sobbed a lot near the end and right up until the end she kept saying 'I don't know what to do' . Once she stopped talking, it was calm and peaceful, and she died 2 days later. Now I look back, I'm glad she didn't linger on longer I miss her, but I now remember the warm times we had together. I hope you will too, to help you in your grief, and especially when the time comes and she leaves you.

 

[canary]

We would all give anything to get them back @twobong ((((((((((hugs)))))))))
If she wants to go then it may be that her time has come. It takes courage to let them go, but I didnt want mum struggling at the end with no quality of life.

 

[try again]

I'm so sorry for what you are going though. I selfishly hope i don't have to go through the same with my mum , i have done it several times with my cats over the years (was involved in rescue) and every time it's should I, Shouldn't I, have i done it too early or have i left it too late, should i have taken the cat to the vets at the end, left the cat at home....... if you can take comfort from anything know that whatever happens you will always be second guessing yourself.
Take care of yourself and your family, if you are worried you mum is in pain , grab the doctor and don't let him go until your worries are calmed or your mum has more meds.
I pray you have a peaceful resolution.

 

[canary]

I see that you have been told that she at end of life and is being made comfortable.

When people reach this stage the body slowly shuts down and they stop eating and drinking as part of this process. They will not die because they are not eating or drinking, they are not eating and drinking because they are already dying. At this stage the body does not require food or fluids because it cannot process it. Your mum will not be feeling thirsty and giving fluids at this stage can actually cause pain.

I know that it is hard to accept, but your job is now to make sure that she is kept comfortable and pain-free

 

[chippiebites]

I know how you feel, of course you want your Mum to stay, but maybe she has just had enough. We lost our lovely Mum this morning, from having pneumonia & a short hospital stay, 2 weeks later she's gone, but we told her if that's what she wanted it was fine. With our Mum it was quite peaceful & I'm glad it was quick. I wish you lots of strength to get though this very sad time. '

 

[AliceA]

I add my kindest thoughts, I hope you are given the strength you need at this time. You will want the best for your Mum. It is a shock, be gentle with yourself. It will help your Mum.

 

[canary]

Oh @chippiebites I am so sorry to hear that (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
Im glad it was peaceful

 

[chippiebites]

Thank you so much Canary, I'm getting lots of hugs, which help, although kindness is bringing more tears. I really think my Mum was the loveliest lady, but what is so nice is that the carers in the nursing home tell me that as well. I think I'm being a bit naughty posting about Mum, because it's my Husband that has dementia, so sorry if that's wrong. He's in hospice for respite this week, I had to tell Him yesterday, that was so hard, because they were devoted to each other.
Twobong, I hope you get courage to get through this very sad time, be nice to yourself, & think what you have done for your Mum, not what you haven't.

 

[canary]

I think I'm being a bit naughty posting about Mum, because it's my Husband that has dementia, so sorry if that's wrong.

No, thats not naughty at all. Loss is loss and its personal experience that can help others.