1. Jaydee

    Jaydee Registered User

    Nov 21, 2007
    2
    Bristol
    I have just come across this support group and it made me cry to read some of the stories. I also cried because I have been feeling very alone with what I have been dealing with over the last 5 dreadful years. My husband left for a younger woman and I have had to support me and my son alone. At this time my mother began the signs of dementia and has steadily declined and is now in a nursing home near me. My brother used to visit twice a year, but tragically suddenly died. There I have got the sob story out of the way.
    There are times when the times with my mother border on farce, and I can laugh about it, but others where I feel desperate and so guilty because I am wishing she would die. My mother is the one in the home who wails and makes a noise and nothing I do can make her happy. We were once so close, but now I feel she is sucking me dry. Other people's relatives seem so sweet and tranquil in comparison. There is so much to talk about,so many stories to tell, but I thought I would introduce myself - it would be so good to have someone to talk to about it.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,859
    Kent
    Welcome to TP Jaydee.

    You have had a bad time. What a shame you`ve only just found TP. Well I hope now you know where we are, you`ll get the friendship and support that might have helped you in the past.

    Just post as often as you wish, there is nearly always someone here.

    Love xx
     
  3. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    Hi Jaydee

    Welcome to TP. Boy what a bad time of things you have had. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. You will find lots of support and advice here on TP with regards to your mother. Keep posting even if it is just to let off a bit of steam every now and then, we are all here to listen and help each other.

    Take Care
    Clare:)
     
  4. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    So sorry for all you have had to go through. You have found us now and we are always here to listen A very big welcome to you.:)

    Love Linda x
     
  5. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    Dear Jaydee

    One thing I have learnt by posting on this site is there is always someone to talk to about your feelings. Even if you use it as a sounding board or somewhere to express yourself

    Take Care

    My Little Girl
     
  6. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Welcome to T.P. full of support and friends

    Dear Jaydee,
    Welcome to Talking Point. Thank goodness you have come across this site. The support, love, tears, laughter we share it all, even ranting but everyone understands.There always seems to be someone on 24/7. You have had a terrible time of it but now you have found Talking Point, you will soon know you have found immediate friends..I have and my husband is 62 in E.M.I. Unit in the final stages. The support on T.P. in brilliant.
    Best wishes. Christine
     
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Jaydee

    Welcome to TP. What a terrible time you've had, I'm not surprised you're at the end of your tether.

    Don't worry about your mum shouting and making a noise. There are two ladies in John's home who do this, and at first I found it very difficult to bear. John wouldn't sit in the lounge because he couldn't stand the noise.

    Now, we're both used to it. I always go and speak to them, and hold their hands for a while, and usually get a smile.

    I think you should perhaps keep your visite very short for a while, and give yourself a break. You need to take care of yourself, as well as your mum. Try to give yourself something to look forward to, book a holiday, arrange a shopping spree, whatever you enjoy. Something just for you. You deserve it.

    And post here as often as you like.

    Love,
     
  8. Jaydee

    Jaydee Registered User

    Nov 21, 2007
    2
    Bristol
    Thanks to you all

    Thank you for all your kind responses. I visit my mother at the home 3 times a week and I have never known time go so slowly. I know that she needs holding and stroking, which some times I manage, but the awful feeling I have is of repulsion. I am ashamed to say this. The next guilt I will face is that this year I have decided to take my son away on holiday for Christmas - last year we brought her home and sat with paper hats on our heads as she dribbled her dinner down her front and wailed between mouthfuls, then announced she was having a pee. It was grim, and really made me swear never to try and replicate a jolly christmas. My rationalization is that she never remembers if I have been to see her, but I do feel bad. She is 95 and it might be her last Christmas. I know that when she dies I will have such confused feelings; part relief,part grief for the loss of the mother I used to know and part guilt for these feelings I have had. I owe her so much.
     
  9. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    This is probably going to sound trite, but join the club. I had all those feeling (and a few others) and all I can say is I know I'm not alone. My mother was one of the sweet ones, but even then, what you feel like you are doing sometimes is simply waiting for the person to die, which is less than inspiring. One thing I will say though - since my mother died (in August) I'm remembering more of the person she really was, before the dementia, and less of the person she became. I don't know if that's of any comfort.
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,859
    Kent
    Dear Jaydee,

    Please enjoy this Christmas without guilt. You tried it with your mother last year and it was miserable. If she had any pleasure from it, it would have been worthwhile, but it doesn`t sound as if she did have.

    So go on holiday with your son, for he`ll appreciate some quality time with you too. You will not be leaving your mother alone. She will be having her own Christmas at the home, in familiar surroundings with people who know her.

    Love xx
     
  11. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Welcome, Jaydee!
    I'm glad you've found TP, after such an awful time that you've gone through. May you continue to post. My Mum also used to make terrible noises, and I know how hard it is to witness this.My Mum was such a beautiful person, 'wouldn't hurt a fly', everyone loved her. Then when the aggression kicked in, that was so not her, it was the dreaded 'D' word, taking over once again:mad:.
    Look after yourself, Love Nickyxxx
     

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