The dawn of realisation, it was my birthday this week and my dads and for the first time in 46 years my mum didn't know. She usually made a big fuss of me, and I am very upset, we haven't had a diagnosis yet and not sure what to do, me and my dad have been sort of ignoring it for 18 months pretending it's not real, that it's not happening as sometimes she's with us and oh ok it's all normal again. Feeling blue, lonely and not sure what next step is.
So my mum didn't know it was my birthday
- Thread starter Bayliner
- Start date
Don't feel blue and lonely you've got all of us!
I had the same thing last year, OH didn't recognise wedding anniversary, my birthday, his birthday or Christmas. Now he's in a care home and so much worse!
However, I am determined to celebrate my birthday at least. Lunch anybody?
I had the same thing last year, OH didn't recognise wedding anniversary, my birthday, his birthday or Christmas. Now he's in a care home and so much worse!
However, I am determined to celebrate my birthday at least. Lunch anybody?
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Even pre dementia my husband didn't remember any of the above apart from Christmas! Yes I felt hurt and neglected as a young wife but I toughened up in the light of all the good things he did do. As an adult you learn to roll with the emotional punches and with dementia you had better learn quickly.
Welcome to TP Bayliner
you've discovered here a wealth of experience and knowledge and support so post anything you want to discuss and you'll find someone will respond
That 'dawn of realisation' has come to us all in some way. It's very tempting to put off the acceptance something is not the same and needs to be investigated, mostly so that now you can all look for the support you will need.
And the first birthday not acknowledged just serves to emphasise the changing roles in a relationship - but twist that around a little and remember and celebrate that she cares so much to have made that day so special for family for so many years.
Have a good mooch around TP and you will find lots of advice and help.
you've discovered here a wealth of experience and knowledge and support so post anything you want to discuss and you'll find someone will respond
That 'dawn of realisation' has come to us all in some way. It's very tempting to put off the acceptance something is not the same and needs to be investigated, mostly so that now you can all look for the support you will need.
And the first birthday not acknowledged just serves to emphasise the changing roles in a relationship - but twist that around a little and remember and celebrate that she cares so much to have made that day so special for family for so many years.
Have a good mooch around TP and you will find lots of advice and help.
Well, we always made a thing of birthdays and anniversaries ( except our 2nd, which we both forgot until got home from work and opened the post!). Think we were just so grateful to be together and be able to celebrate. We always had a big summer garden party as well - some bigger than others!
So forgetting was a bit of a milestone. Now he's in care, I am determined to celebrate my birthday when it comes, even if it's only going for coffee with a friend!
So forgetting was a bit of a milestone. Now he's in care, I am determined to celebrate my birthday when it comes, even if it's only going for coffee with a friend!
OH has never been a big birthday celebrator, his or mine, so I know it's just another day. I was the one that always tried, still try to make a fuss. Even in days gone by when we did go abroad before the Parkinson's and the heart attacks it was always my birthday. Why not his I hear you ask? He's mid July, well 21st so always the busiest time of the year and the most expensive.
You know what hurts most not being forgotten about by family, but by people I thought were friends on the net. Like here, we just say "Happy Birthday" to someone, Happy B/day on facebook you know social media. It is when even the whole world forgets you exist.
Sorry way "Off Piste" again.
And welcome to TP Bayliner
You know what hurts most not being forgotten about by family, but by people I thought were friends on the net. Like here, we just say "Happy Birthday" to someone, Happy B/day on facebook you know social media. It is when even the whole world forgets you exist.
Sorry way "Off Piste" again.
And welcome to TP Bayliner
Mum forgot my birthday this year for the first time too. I was terribly upset, so I understand. Everyone on here helped me make up for it though 
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
I'm another one who doesn't really celebrate my birthdays. I don't remember birthdays as being great once I was no longer a young child. However, my mum would always make a point of ringing me and my sister (twins) to sing 'Happy Birthday' and send presents. She felt a bit offended that we tended to let birthdays pass us by, as if it reflected on her as a mother. Our birthday is 27 January and, although I knew by that time this year there were problems, I still took it personally and was upset that I didn't even get a text, never mind a phone call or card. It felt as if I was no longer important enough even for her to know it was my birthday.
After having to go through the process of applying to the CoP in order to become my mum's deputy, I finally had an official diagnosis from my mum's consultant to send to them. By this time she was placed on Section 3 of the MHC Act. The diagnosis was 'irrepairable cognitive impairment', which doesn't really explain that much. However, on the legal document, the consultant dated this diagnosis as being made on 28 January. I immediately realised that the non-acknowledgement of mine and my sister's birthday was not personal at all, and my mum would be horrified if she'd known that this was the situation. As things add onto other things, they help me to accept that the mum I had is gone, so now it's all about helping this new one.
After having to go through the process of applying to the CoP in order to become my mum's deputy, I finally had an official diagnosis from my mum's consultant to send to them. By this time she was placed on Section 3 of the MHC Act. The diagnosis was 'irrepairable cognitive impairment', which doesn't really explain that much. However, on the legal document, the consultant dated this diagnosis as being made on 28 January. I immediately realised that the non-acknowledgement of mine and my sister's birthday was not personal at all, and my mum would be horrified if she'd known that this was the situation. As things add onto other things, they help me to accept that the mum I had is gone, so now it's all about helping this new one.
I know birthdays are very important for some people so I can understand your feelings. Different things press different buttons in all of us. Did you tell her, I wonder? If so,it would be interesting to know how she reacted.
I'm sorry to say that along the journey you will have many other upsets like this and you may find some of them even more upsetting. Many, but not all, members have to accept at a certain stage that their loved one doesn't know who they are, for example.
I find that I can cope with things a bit better sometimes if I try to put them into some kind of different perspective. So in this case it might help to think that when all's said and done a birthday is just another day that we've chosen to give a special importance to. People with dementia very often have days which are a bit better and days which are worse. Perhaps the next time you have a reasonably good day with your mum you could try hard to treasure it and then tuck it away in your memory as a counter-balance to the day she forgot your birthday.
I'm sorry to say that along the journey you will have many other upsets like this and you may find some of them even more upsetting. Many, but not all, members have to accept at a certain stage that their loved one doesn't know who they are, for example.
I find that I can cope with things a bit better sometimes if I try to put them into some kind of different perspective. So in this case it might help to think that when all's said and done a birthday is just another day that we've chosen to give a special importance to. People with dementia very often have days which are a bit better and days which are worse. Perhaps the next time you have a reasonably good day with your mum you could try hard to treasure it and then tuck it away in your memory as a counter-balance to the day she forgot your birthday.
I do know how you feel. Yesterday with my birthday and mum forgot - as she has done for the past several years, even though we are only just starting to query whether she has dementia.
Do you know what hurts the most? She was insistent that I help her get a present for her friend's birthday, which is 30th of this month, but totally forgot mine. It makes me feel that she remembers the things that are important to her
Do you know what hurts the most? She was insistent that I help her get a present for her friend's birthday, which is 30th of this month, but totally forgot mine. It makes me feel that she remembers the things that are important to her
Hi Bayliner, welcome to TP
My mum forgot my birthday a few years back (she lived with us) but my wife bought a card and gave it to her to sign. "Happy birthday Kevan"!!! since when did I spell my name that way.
It's just another piece gone missing in the jigsaw puzzle that is the human brain.
Anyway Happy Birthday from me Bayliner
K
My mum forgot my birthday a few years back (she lived with us) but my wife bought a card and gave it to her to sign. "Happy birthday Kevan"!!! since when did I spell my name that way.
It's just another piece gone missing in the jigsaw puzzle that is the human brain.
Anyway Happy Birthday from me Bayliner
K
Hey - I have had the same realization this year. We haven't been given an official diagnosis but things are not right in terms of her memory.
My mum no longer remembers our birthdays and my dad does the admin part of their relationship now.
I think the saddest thing is that there are so many things she once remembered and knew about me. The person who knew me the best yet most of that is gone. Almost before I knew it. My dads a great guy and will fill in the space but there is no love like a mothers and that is gone.
It's going to take a while getting used to this.
On our 55th wedding anniversary last year I asked my OH 'what happened on this day 55 years ago?'. He said 'is that when you were born?' Oh dear!
The last birthday card I had from my husband he put his Christian name and surname preceded by Mr. I told our daughter to stop buying cards for him to send, we were now well passed him just forgetting occasions. It’s sad.
Two years ago I booked a table at our favourite Tea Rooms to celebrate my birthday. The people there knew it was my birthday, so put napkins saying "happy Birthday" out and placed a card on the table.
Afterwards OH said it was a lovely tea and thanked me for treating him
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Afterwards OH said it was a lovely tea and thanked me for treating him
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This has just upset me. My last post was a week before my husband died, nearly 6 years ago. Have learnt not to complain about missed birthdays..........but we did have some good parties!
Nowadays, I can barely walk, haven’t cooked or baked for years. And am more than a little fed up!
Nowadays, I can barely walk, haven’t cooked or baked for years. And am more than a little fed up!
