so missing mum

[L.M.Cymraeg]

its now been 17 weeks since my mum finally lost her battle with vascular dementia(at least 12 years).
I still feel so lonely and empty. no one seems to understand......... family are trying but .............................
i did go to my doctor...............she said"you are a mum too so you must be strong and deal with things for the sake of your family!"
I didn't need any more pressure on me..................i am struggling to get up in the morning, make sandwiches, get hubby off to work, kids to school, and go to work myself!
I made my first trip to the cemetry where her ashes were scattered last week..............it was lovely and peaceful but i didn't want to leave her......................
i really could do with some ideas to help me with sorting out a place to go to be with mum....................cemetry is no good as you can only lease a vase.............I need a permament place to go.
Please can you lovely people suggest some ideas to me?
L.M.C.

xxx

 

[turbo]

Hello L.M.C, it is such a short time since your mum died so of course you are still missing her so much.
Did your mum have any favourite places she liked to go to or do you have any favourite childhood places ?
Is there another GP you can see in your GP practice as the one you saw didn't seem sympathetic.?

turbo

 

[LauraMoz]

Hi,

I lost my dad to vascular dementia last year, and he was also scattered in a garden of rest, which although is lovely, I couldnt always guarantee there wouldnt be another person standing in the garden sobbing at the same tree as me.
now I dont need a physical place to be, as I try to believe he is with me wherever I go. If you need a quiet thinking place, was there a park or a bench or a walking place near you when you were growing up? Something to bring back peaceful memories of you and your mum when you were little?
Although, I think once you stop searching for it, it will probably just click into place for you one day when you happen to be passing a certain spot that brings back happier memories.

xx

 

[Pinkpea]

I'm so sorry to hear your pain,
would you be able to plant a plant in remembrance of your mum in your garden or in a tub, I do a lot of thinking and talking whilst I'm on my hands and knees weeding and tending plants, I have a friend who created a little rock garden that her children were able to plant their favourite flowers in memory of their gran so it was an evolving corner of their garden that she was able to nurture and take pleasure from.

I would also be considering talking to a different GP if getting your day started continues to be such a struggle. It may be as simple as finding someone to talk to about your mum helps you feel better but those journeys are somuch easier if someone is there to old your hand and guide you through. Hugs x

 

[L.M.Cymraeg]

thank you for the replies. It is just so difficult to carry on living with all that has happened.....

 

[larivy]

Hi sorry to hear your news my mum died a year this month I still miss her a lot mum and dad have a plaque and we all go there regularly I have a rose bush in the garden which we planted for dad and I have now got a rock garden which I have turned into mine mum and dads special garden but mum and dad are always with me and I talk to them every day hope you find a special place but I'm sure your mum is always with you
Larivy

 

[NeverGiveUp]

Sorry to hear about your mum, I don't know how I will cope when I have to face the same situation.

Could I just share this with you. Some years back a friend died suddenly although he was in poor health. A lot of people were talking a lot of hogwash, all the 'dear friend/relative' stuff when in fact some were setting themselves in roles they were not entitled to. I hate hypocracy, I felt devastated at losing my best friend, my life fell apart. They all talked about where his spirit was, at the funeral I looked around and thought 'he isn't here', it was just a lot of people and a coffin at the front of the chapel. Before going home I visited a supermarket where he used to shop, as i rounded a corner I strongly felt his spiritual presence, never had a feeling like that before or since. I could feel him racing around the isles with a trolley mowing down the unwary as he decided what he wanted. It was a peaceful spirit, quite happy. I'm not religious and not usually a believer in spirits.

Could you visit somewhere that your mum went to often, as with my friend, the spirit might be in a mundane place not in a place of obvious significance. My feelings since that event are that spirits go to where they are most comfortable. It may be that your mum is standing with you.

Take care, I'm sure your mum would have wanted that

 

[Ballettoes]

Maybe sponsor somthing?

Maybe you could sponsor an animal or child in your Mams memory.Then it would something you and your Mam had "done together " and would always be there for you. Your Mam would be helping someone do you think she would have liked that? I agree with others saying that somtimes they are just there. For me and my wonderful Dad it's Durham city and the river Wear whenever I go there or am near the river I am near my Dad.
Take care of yourself sounds silly but don't forget to eat properly.
Hugs and warm wishes to you.
Ps someone else mentioned go back to the doctors see another gp, that's very good advice. X

 

[L.M.Cymraeg]

thanks, not had the strength to go back to doc's.
I feel mum when there is a breeze in the air................ but i think i would still like a place/thing to focus on.........
my mum loved animals and that is an idea but o so many to choose from.
i will leave it till something leaps out at me!xxx

 

[NeverGiveUp]

One day at a time.

 

[L.M.Cymraeg]

yup, sometimes its hour by hour!xx