So mad

[Del24]

I may be wrong but I hoped one of my children and her daughter 16up to 18 at the time could not spare one day during 6 weeks school holidays to come and take my wife out to give me a break or help me with house work.
We are not allowed to go to her house unless her husband is there I don't know what she thinks might happen if my wife falls as she has done I call the paramedics.
I have problem with my back due to lifting my wife more than 10 times a day.

 

[Casbow]

Christmas

Thank you I could never throw it back at her what I do for her ,I will talk to her and let her tell me when she has time to let me know ,I don't expect her to look after him that is my job but it don't hurt to sit and talk to him now and then even if I don't go out , I think it's because she can no t except what is wrong with him and I can understand,it's still sinking in to me after 6 years xxx Christmas

I think one of the most painful things in life is to try to accept that our children and our brothers and sisters do not feel the same towards us as we would hope for. I have been dealing first with a mum with dementia and blindness at the same time as my husband with dementia. My mum died last February and I am left with my husband to care for and when I look back over the last 8 years , I have dealt with most of it on my own. Now I and my husband have managed to keep going with very little help. Certainly nothing like a day free for me to go out or for them to take him out to give us both a break. He is so far gone now that the only person that he will allow to do anything is me.. I feel very resentful. I hope you can get some help soon. Maybe Daycare would help. Good luck.x

 

[Pickles53]

I agree, I think blaming "the younger generation" is a little unfair.

I've done the best I could for my parents, but the price I've paid has been phenomenal. Neither of them would accept outside help - even now mum won't ask the carers to do things for her, waits till I come to do it because that's what she prefers.
No way I would want my children to do the same for me.

Moonflower thank you for your honesty. I could not agree more with your last sentence and frankly as one of the older generation I would not have been prepared to make the sacrifices you have. I want my daughter to make sure I have the right care if I need it, but never to compromise her own future and family trying to do it herself. My grandsons and son-in-law deserve to come first with her.

 

[eve67]

Hi here I am again having a rant, why is it when I ask my daughter if she will have her dad while I go to Ragdale for the day does she make me feel guilty, I do everything for her what ever she asks if I can she makes me so mad ,phoned her today and I hate asking her but she is the only one he feels comfortable with when I leave him, any one would think I ask her all the time,only ask three times a year It's just I need a rest from him I am starting to get nasty with him,if I could just have one day I would be fine, she has always got to do something ,now I feel worse, they are always saying we are here for you mum but when I need them they have something on I just want to tell them to go away and not bother but I can't they are my children.sorry for the rant but got know one else to tell how I really feel Christmas happy new year to everyone xxx

You don't say how far away your daughter lives but basically agree with shedrech

 

[christmas]

My daughter lives 10 minutes away from me , I am not asking her to come and care for her dad I don't want her to give her life up for him ,she hardly ever comes to see us, but it was her who said she would help, and I really don't think I am being bad asking her to take one day out of her life for me, it just makes me feel guilty asking her , 2hours after I phoned to ask her she phoned me to see if I would have her dog while she goes on holiday for a week , so you are telling me I do everything for her and she don't have to bother with us when I need her. Sorry for the rant. Christmas

 

[Shedrech]

Hi christmas
sorry, me again
families are so individual aren't they, and each seems to operate in it's own particular way
everyone thinks my dad is so lucky because both his daughters are active in his care - and he is - but there's lots of history and an undercurrent that means the situation is far from how it appears (his grown up grandsons never go to see him, not even at Christmas) - however dad is oblivious and he is cared for, which is all that matters

so I'm saddened that your daughter just doesn't get your situation - yet I can't bring myself to speak harshly of her, we're all human and have our failings, and mostly our parents seem to love us regardless, thank goodness

personally, I'd be very tempted to say no to having her dog for a week, which is a long time (you don't say whether you agreed or not) AND explain to her why it's just no longer possible, sadly, in view of how much of your time and energy your husband needs now - I'm not suggesting this as tit-for-tat, but I do believe she must start to appreciate your situation, and sometimes that word 'no' works well to make a daughter stop and think

10 minutes away is no distance - and if I were to be blunt, I'd agree it's disappointing that she doesn't just pop in each week - I'd also be tempted to ask her more often for some help, she may then begin to realise how much you would appreciate her support - sorry, being a bit naughty to suggest that

best wishes

 

[fizzie]

Wow what a cheek she has!!! I'd be hopping - in fact I'm hopping on your behalf lol!
I would tell her to take her dog to the kennels as you are on overload and give her a few home truths whilst you have her ear. Fleas in the ear sometimes work. The other way is possibly to say i'll look after your dog for a week if you give me a half a day a week for your Dad but I wouldn't hold out too many hopes that the bargain would be kept!

You clearly can't go softly softly with her as she doesn't get it! Good luck and I hope she pulls her weight a bit as one of her new year resolutions