So lost

[kayze]

Hi,

My husband Liam died five weeks ago,his funeral was on Monday.
I was caring for him for ten years at home.
Since he died my life feels totally empty and I am lost,nothing feels right.
My days are filled with sadness and guilt, nothing seems worth living for I miss him so much.

Kayze

 

[marionq]

Of course you feel sad and we share that with you. Guilt? Never. You looked after your husband for a long time and that takes its toll. You could not prevent dementia and no one can prevent dying.

Take a little step towards the light every day. Join a group and meet others. Sit in the sunlight and have a coffee. Chat to friends and neighbours. Talk to us here on TP.

 

[pins tony]

Hi,

My husband Liam died five weeks ago,his funeral was on Monday.
I was caring for him for ten years at home.
Since he died my life feels totally empty and I am lost,nothing feels right.
My days are filled with sadness and guilt, nothing seems worth living for I miss him so much.

Kayze

Hi kayze.my lovely wife June died 8weeks ago I know how you feel.i cant offer any advice but I didn't want not t o reply to your post.people say it gets better with time but its now that's so bad.please take care.

 

[LadyA]

Kayze 5 weeks is no time at all. You are bound to be feeling lost. It's nineteen months now since my husband died. I still miss him, but it's not at all as raw as it was. There are still times when it hits me hard again, and that "aloneness" doesn't go away. But it does, very gradually, get better.

But I do remember those first months. I remember hours being "lost", when I would realise that I had apparently just been sitting staring at the wall. And hours when I just lay on the couch. But I did make myself get out and go for a walk as many days as I could. If I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't, but I did keep in touch with people. This is a time for being very gentle with yourself. Grieving is a long and painful process, it's the price we pay for having loved someone. One thing I was told, was to consciously do one nice thing for myself every day. Either buy myself some flowers, or a magazine, or make a cup of good coffee and sit with my feet up and enjoy it. Something relaxing, and enjoyable, and to really take notice of whatever it was. Sounds silly, but it did become one little bright spot in the day.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I am so sorry you are feeling understandably so bereft. I am in between Dads death and his funeral and I too feel lost with a huge hole in my life and heart as someone else has said. But to lose your husband or wife must feel far worse than I even feel. I like the suggestions of doing something little steps for yourself and friends even for a quick cup of coffee will help you through this tough time. Pick the friends who will support you if you want to talk, cry or shout! This vile illness makes some of us want to do that when the loved one is still with us and also when they have been released from their illness, it is natural and because you care so deeply for your husband.

 

[carper8]

hi kaytz
so sorry for your loss, my husband died 12 weeks ago and it is very, very difficult. 1 was caring for him for 10 years as well. i have tried to go for a walk or meet up for a coffee or chat to friends on the phone. i have made myself go out and join a group and i also still go to the dementia art groups. try taking a day at a time. hope this helps, take care
carperx

 

[kayze]

Thank you for your advice, sorry for your losses too.

I haven't really thought about myself for ten years so i am finding it difficult now,but like all of you have said small steps.
I hope all of you can do this too.

Thank you
Kayze

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Kayze

Please don`t push yourself into anything, just allow yourself to grieve and to drift. There is no urgency to do or be anything .

Ten years at home is such devotion . Of course you don`t know what to do with yourself. How could you when such a long period has been dedicated to caring. Of course your life feels empty. How could it feel otherwise.

Whatever you feel is normal and you have not had normality in your life for a very long time.

Please get rid of the guilt. It is a wasted and destructive emotion. We all believe we could have done better but I`m sure the majority of us did our best with what we had at the time.