1. Alex54

    Alex54 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2018
    136
    Male
    Newtown, Wales
    My wife (PWD) has been in the hospital for five weeks for an assessment now, and I feel totally lonely. I go and visit every other day but return home to an empty house with nothing to do. The assessment has been completed but nothing will be done until we have a "best interest" meeting. In the meantime, TV seems totally boring and cooking for one it too much effort. I dread to think about how I will cope when a nursing home becomes the only solution.
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,198
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm so sorry you are feeling so lonely. I'm glad though that you shared how you feel here on the forum. I hope it helps a little knowing that there are people here to listen to you and support you.
     
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,399
    Female
    England
    I’m sorry you are struggling @Alex54. I was the same when my husband went into his nursing home. I visited daily and found the nights very lonely. We had stopped watching tv about 2 years before the nursing home and I’ve never got back into watching it.

    I set myself a task to do each night and there were many that needed doing after 7 years Of my time being taken up with caring for my husband. Very mundane jobs to do but great satisfaction when they were completed. We had been married nearly 50 years and it was so hard to get used to being in my own.

    I hope you can find something to fill your time until your wife returns home. Keep coming to the forum for help and support. Take care.
     
  4. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,738
    Female
    Scotland
    I am stuck at home mostly as my husband has become so Immobile. I do a lot of decorating one room at a time. I use good quality emulsion and lovely shades to cheer me up. It takes me weeks to do all the basic cleaning, painting, a bit of decor changing but it is deeply satisfying. I’ve been doing the inside and outside of the garden fence (Ronseal on special offer!) and that has taken weeks as I keep getting distracted to do other things.

    I usually end up talking to passing neighbours but if I was free to go out from home then I would be joining a walking group or something like that. My youngest daughter has recently joined a Rock Choir and I gather these are popular all over the UK. Get online and find an interest. Life is fleeting.
     
  5. RosettaT

    RosettaT Registered User

    Sep 9, 2018
    191
    Female
    Mid Lincs
    Heres a good place to start Alex54, sharing how you feel is good and theres always someone who understands how you are feeling. I know you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely. And sometimes everything seems to much of an effort. Do you have any hobbies you can take up again? Or friends to make contact with again?

    My OH spent 12 weeks in hospital December - April. Like jaymor I took the opportunity to have a clear out an still have at least 1 job per day I set myself. OH had become a bit of hoarder and we had clutter up the yin-yang I filled 3 wheelie bins with broken down cardboard boxes. It was very therapeutic and everything he had rearranged was put back to where it had been for years previously, especially paperwork.

    Take one day at a time and make sure you eat!
     
  6. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    342
    Sheffield
    Walking groups are a good way to meet people if you are able to walk ok. They are called health walks and available in most areas. You can find them on the internet with dates and times. I walk with 2 or 3
     
  7. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,470
    Do you have a local U3A group because they do a lot of activities like hiking and rambling. I used to hike a lot and it was nice to get out and just chat to others about nothing most of the time.

    I rarely go now because of dad but I hope to go back some time.
     
  8. Sarahdun

    Sarahdun Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    339
    I sympathise - husband now around 6 weeks in a Care home yet I find it hard to concentrate on anything else. Think I will have to set myself a timetable like @RosettaT said above ☺️

    Odd how the feelings pile up and compete with each other and how physical the symptoms can be - relief/guilt, bereaved/freed ..... but still only feel complete when with him.
     
  9. SarahC30

    SarahC30 Registered User

    Feb 9, 2016
    8
    That's hard Alex54. It's good that we can all come on here and find listening ears and share experiences and thoughts. What sort of things do you like to do? This may be totally unappealing but if you like the idea of doing something that contributes to research (dementia research or other things), that you can do for a few minutes or much longer, there are some really good 'citizen science' projects online. One good one, which has quite a sense of community, is Cochrane Crowd (I can't yet post links but its (crowd dot cochrane dot org) and another is Stall Catchers. Someone else here has mentioned health walks, which suit many people. I hope you find some things that help.
     
  10. Alex54

    Alex54 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2018
    136
    Male
    Newtown, Wales
    That is totally the position I am in, I have plenty of things which need sorting i.e. correspondence, tax returns and pensions issues, but despite having all this free time nothing gets done.

    I think the main problem is that I am in a sort of limbo until I know if my wife is coming home or will have to go into a nursing home, I cannot make any plans or change what I do.
     
  11. Lady M

    Lady M Registered User

    Sep 15, 2018
    276
    Female
    Essex
    Oh so lonely...how those words resinate! I hope that you are able to heed the advice from others.... walking groups, decorating...anything to fill the overwhelming gap in your life......I am sure that time will help, I am told it does!
    Meanwhile like you I am lonely and alone. But not...if you see what I mean .....OH is immobile , so when he’s not in hospital it is bed , wheelchair..or recliner, his world is now himself.
    I find I have no ability to concentrate on anything...do anything other than the essentials....and feel like you so lonely despite having a caring and supportive family!!!!!
    ‘So lonely ‘ sums it up..Alex I send you best wishes for a peaceful and fulfilling day when you can see a way forward to end the unbearable feeling of being the lonely half of ‘the two of us’
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,078
    Kent
    Hello @Alex54

    The loneliness you are feeling will have been experienced by so may of us forced to adapt to a different way of life and I really feel for you at this stage in your life.

    It`s also a feeling of grief and the two feelings together are only to be expected and a shock to the system.

    I wish I had wise words of comfort but I'm afraid all you can do is share here on DTP among those who have been there before. We can't make it better but can hear and sympathise.
     
  13. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,228
    It is so difficult not being able to plan. But perhaps you can work on several possible plans, do a bit of research on how you could manage different scenarios. That way you may feel more in control when you have to decide.
    This does not help the loneliness I know but may help a little.
    Take time to look after yourself.
     

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