So is this it...?
- Thread starter DesperateofDevon
- Start date
OH went back into respite yesterday, so it is quiet today. He is in for another couple of weeks to allow me to sort out carers and some day care. On Monday I must contact Social Services.
I think the ant-depressants are beginning to kick in
I think the ant-depressants are beginning to kick in
Pleased that the antidepressants are helping, I’m maxed out on mine so am going to have to pull on the big girl pants & sort self out!
Am tempted to takedown Christmas decorations but realise that’s avoiding what needs to be done !
Found more of Dads clothes & need to get them packed up & taken to charity.
Also need to sort out eulogy & wake.
no wonder I want to hibernate!
Still onwards & upwards as they say
Take care of you.
Lots going on, but sad as it is about no longer being able to care 24/7 at least OH is now in the system, & you can choose what & how help is given. ( hopefully!)
ps
Thank you for all the amazing advice you have given me this year. You were my first contact point on TP; the difference you make to others is tremendous
Xxxx
Much love
Xx
Aged Mother back to game playing, guilt trips & mind games, emotionally I’m overwhelmed with it. strange how dementia doesn’t diminish this aspect of character; I suppose it’s the dominant trait.
I often read of carers whose parent has been a difficult individual through the rest of their life: dominant, strident, complaining, belittling and spiteful are remarks I’ve seen a lot. Dementia does not seem to diminish this. Cancer does not (fortunately) seem to affect dementia patients as much as the general population either. I’ve always wondered if a genetic predisposition to dementia is either linked to strong characters or genetic resilience against cancerous changes in your dna. The latter is probably because you don’t live long enough to get dementia if you have cancer.
Dad, nearly 90 has advanced oesophageal cancer and alzheimers but he doesn't know it so it is for me to worry about not him. The dementia is more troublesome than the cancer at the moment but this could change. Dads cancer has kind of stabilised but I think that may be due to his age, I don't know really but his oncologist said that he has done extremely well considering that he has had no treatment.
There are others on here who care for people with dementia and cancer but not too many of us have to cope with the double whammy.
The cancer is far easier to deal with than the dementia. I don't want dad to go all the way with either of these diseases but he is very strong for such a sick man and just keeps going.
Dad is probably the nicest, kindest, wittiest uncomplaining and easiest PWD to care for except that he can't be left alone because he could fall over and he has a 30 second memory and he no longer knows where the bathroom is if we are not there to direct him. Left then right and he can take himself. Amazingly strong and very stubborn character although always very pleasant to everyone.
It really does wear you down. I don’t have anywhere near what you have to cope with but Mum certainly knows how to push my buttons. Yet most of the staff at the home say how wonderful she is.
Sending you some strength as you have so much to deal with at the moment
I have become hermit like my lovely! Channeling my inner hippopotamus & wallowing away a little. I find by cocooning myself away from life that I can actually cope a little better, along with the desire to sleep most of the time life’s just slipping by until Monday & Dads funeral.
I did venture out with OH & daughter to Longleat & the festival of light. The crowds were overwhelming & I found myself transfixed by a star installation & another piece a projection onto the main house. Next day total exhaustion & a feeling of peace
So all in all I’m okay I think?
Dads eulogy i have written& rewritten & I hope I’ve done him justice.
Aged Mother seems happy ( well as happy as Aged Mother can be ) in her routine & is happily complaining away about family members not paying her enough attention or deference- so no change there !
Meanwhile I’ve come to terms with the fact that Mother won’t shed a tear for Dad, her dementia means that empathy is long gone & any grief is only for herself & her situation. Crocodile tears ( or wailing without any tears ) the reality ofMothers dementia means friends & family are now faced with the reality of the situation as the Hostess mode switch is obviously on the blink!
Mothers Neighbours have long gone past sympathy & actually avoid not only Mum but now me, which is sad as I do understand how awful she has been but she is a sick old woman as well.
As Mums closest friend repeatedly tells me this will all reach a natural conclusion. A fact I am still coming to terms with.
living with dementia is a multi faceted experience, I’m clinging onto the funny incidents firmly with both hands & trying to let go of all the negative memories
Take care lovely
& thank you for thinking of me
Xx
Your inner hippopotamus made me smile. I think sometimes that is the mind sway of allowing you to cope with difficult (understatement) situations. Okay sounds good at the moment and I am sure you have done your Dad justice. Your Dad seemed a very lovely special person from what you have written. Keep resting and conserve strength to see you through on Monday. I hope it is as good as it can be and I will be thinking of you.
Keep clinging onto those funny incidents and let those negatives go. Like the guilt monster give them a good bashing and chuck them in the dustcart
Hugs to you too
Keep clinging onto those funny incidents and let those negatives go. Like the guilt monster give them a good bashing and chuck them in the dustcart
Hugs to you too
Missed seeing you around @DesperateofDevon , good to hear you have been finding your own way of getting through , loving the hippo anology, I too have been doing some of that . Will be thinking of you tom and hope all goes as well as they can do . I’m sure your eulogy is perfect and your lovely dad is already proud so you can only boost his proud levels . Take care and be gentle with yourself please. X
I hope the eulogy holds up well at the funeral and the day is one of good memories and a fitting farewell.
Its been a difficult journey for you, your dad and family xx
Its been a difficult journey for you, your dad and family xx
Thinking of you today
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