So how was your Xmas??

[saskia]

Mum ( who has been in her CH for 7 months now) came to mine for Xmas dinner.
Brother picked her up & it was a real pleasure having her here, no dramas, no worries, in fact, a lot of glimpses of old mum.
However.....i started noticing she was getting tired & started making noises about her going.. .but brother who was taking her back, wanted ( i think) to enjoy this mum for longer.
Eventually, they left but was quite late.
A few hours later bruv calls, mum was very agitated about being taken back ' to that place, refused to have tea and was very upset.
I visited today & she was clearly exhausted, making no sense at all, kept taking my hand & asking to go home.
So selfishly, I have wonderful memories of what could be my mum's last Xmas day , it was a great day. But for her...is it worth it?? As I know in another year, she will have deteriorated much more.

I do hope, whether your loved one is with you or in a home, the Christmas ' holiday ' wasn't too stressful and at some point, there was a memory to hold onto.
Sas xx

 

[Linbrusco]

My Mum has been in her care home 18mnths. Last year we did manage to take Mum to my sisters for a few hours. Even then it was a bit tricky with Dad telling her she was going back to the “hospital” soon which confused her no end. Unfortunately while I was at the loo and no one actively looking out for Mum she misjudged sitting on a chair, fell and got a fright. Didnt hurt herself but as it turns out was the excuse we needed to take her back for a nurse to check her over.

This Christmas Mum has declined considerably to the point we have only managed to take her out of her care home 3x in the past 6 mnths, but she will go with carers now and again when they have their minivan outings.
My sister was not here for Christmas Day but visited Mum 2 days before. I took Dad Christmas Eve.
Christmas Day I met my brother at my Mums Care home, as he brought his kids to visit. Managed to even get Mum downstairs out of her care unit which is so much easier for the younger grandchildren.
I spent a few hours with Mum abd was going to leave by lunchtime but the carers asked me to stay and have lunch also.
So I sat at the table and had lunch with Mum and another 11 residents.
Was an experience
Mum was in a good enough mood, ate half of her lunch. Had no idea about Christmas at all. Just another day.
Sad but thats the way it is.

 

[father ted]

I think because we are swamped with adverts that show large Xmas gatherings we think that is what we are meant to do and there are so many reasons why in our own circumstances it is either not possible or not a good idea. I often think we do it more to assuage our own imagined guilt as well as trying to make 'things nice' for our loved ones.
I have posted under So canny as my Mum lives with me but will be going into CH in the new year and I am sure that I will want to plan special things for her come her birthday, next Christmas or other celebrations but the reality is that her reaction may not always be what I have anticipated. When your world is shrinking comfort comes in the familiar and in routine and no matter how well intentioned it is sometimes to stressful to stray out of the usual.

 

[pjapril]

Mine was just full of "take me home" from the care home from not just mum but her 3 friends too. Today she was much worse (they think an infection) and she turned very aggressive and abusive. Am just glad Christmas is over. So sad and such a difficult time not to try to compare to previous happy years. Keep saying / it's the illness not mum...

 

[elvismad]

Mum seemed to enjoy being with me and my husband (we collected her from her assisted living scheme at 11am and took her home at 5pm. She's been there since the beginning of Sept) but I am not sure she realised it was Christmas. Sadly it''s just another bit of her that's lost. I feel like we 'got through it' and no more. I spent the time in the evening sewing name tags on her clothes as I couldn't relax.

 

[Prudence9]

Ours was really just the same as any other day, but Mum sang along and cried to Carol's from kings while I was changing her so was very poignant.
She can hardly speak at all at times so was lovely to hear and we both ended up with tears streaming down our cheeks.

Today we caught the last half hour of A Hard Day's Night which brings back very happy memories of family parties when she was young and I was a kid.
She sang along again, all the right words (in all the right places!), looked at me and said "I'd forgotten".... think my lip's still bleeding.

So, some more precious memories for me.

 

[Mr Rusty]

I've not posted here in several years. I won't go into all the recent changes in this thread but just needed to offload a bit I guess.

This was mum's first Christmas in a CH having gone there for respite care after fracturing her hip in May. I still haven't had the guts to tell her that the respite care is probably going to be long term. She doesn't remember she has dementia, or even about the hip operation and the following two months in hospital. Or how we struggled at home afterwards.

She has a great reputation in the CH for being cheerful and jolly most of the time. Many of the nurses and carers tell me that she is their favourite resident, though she often gets upset and teary with me when I visit for some reason.

But when I arrived yesterday morning the nurse warned me that she had been crying. And when I went to her she seemed broken and inconsolable. The presents I'd bought her just made things worse as I think it highlighted to mum her own lack of independence ie she couldn't buy anything for me or for the carers who had sent her cards. I wish I'd thought about this in advance as the last thing I wanted to do was cause her upset. I just wanted her to have a special day.

Lunch didn't go too well either. Because of us both being a bit tearful I though it best to find a quiet spot in the CH rather than the main dining room. But we ended up sitting next to a family whose mother had refused to come out of her room to join them for lunch so they were already a bit tetchy. And then they all stated arguing about Brexit.

For the rest of the afternoon and evening I managed to distract mum away from all things Xmas by getting her to play solitaire on the iPad and she brightened up a bit.

Today has been much the same, ie fine as long as I distract her with games. The moment I stopped she became tearful, anxious and her memory got even worse than usual. Maybe that is down to stress?

So not a great Christmas for either of us. She cried most of the day and I cried (and am still crying) most of the night. I feel like a terrible son but I guess I've learned a few lessons which will hopefully make the next Christmas a bit better.

Sorry, Im feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight. I know a lot of others will be having a much worse time than me. But hopefully others will also share there more positive stories

 

[Mudgee Joy]

You must need more sleep !! I am sorry I am not Nearby and could join you to cheer up mum. Talk to her about Christmas Long past - some Happy time in your childhood - and tomorrow will be better!!

 

[Amethyst59]

Ours was really just the same as any other day, but Mum sang along and cried to Carol's from kings while I was changing her so was very poignant.
She can hardly speak at all at times so was lovely to hear and we both ended up with tears streaming down our cheeks.

Today we caught the last half hour of A Hard Day's Night which brings back very happy memories of family parties when she was young and I was a kid.
She sang along again, all the right words (in all the right places!), looked at me and said "I'd forgotten".... think my lip's still bleeding.

So, some more precious memories for me.

This is one of the most poignant posts I have read this Christmas. Bless her lovely heart.

 

[Onmyown]

Worst ever. I've been very sick this Xmas with flu. My sister arrived home so I moved into my friend's for the week. I'm glad of a break from mum but spent whole week coughing and sneezing. Doc gave me steroids which I'd never taken before but I don't think they agreed with me. I'm on antibiotics which kill your appetite so ate nothing and still looking forward to some kind of meal when I feel better. Rang mum and she seemed in good form. Walked my friends dog around and it was very depressing like "tiny tim". Looking in the windows of people enjoying Xmas dinner and normal family stuff. I hope next year things will be better for me. I'm just today starting to feel better so I can enjoy my next few days respite. Feeling very sorry for myself you look forward to a break then you've flu. Ah well I still got my box of milk tray to eat....