1. Ameliasmama

    Ameliasmama Registered User

    Oct 24, 2015
    44
    29 days after the car accident which he never recovered from, my amazing Dad got his Angel wings tonight. He waited til we nipped home for things to stay the night. The nurse said we probably wasn't off the car park when he fell asleep for the last time. I'm devastated. As expected as it was, this hurts


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  2. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Ameliasmama, I am so very sorry to read this.
    Wishing you comfort in your grief, and the strength to help you through the coming weeks and months.
    So sorry. x
     
  3. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,585
    West Midlands
    So sorry to read this.

    My heart goes out to you xxxxxx


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  4. Shazedge

    Shazedge Registered User

    Nov 11, 2015
    27
    I am so sorry and send my condolences to you and your family.
    It really is the hardest time and I have had people say to me "at least you expected it, you could prepare" whilst you can prepare in the respect that you know the only way out is the passing, nothing prepares you for the emptiness and loss you feel after.
    10 days on and I am still struggling with these feelings.
    Just be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes, allow yourself time.

    Sending strength love to you for the days to come xxx
     
  5. Ameliasmama

    Ameliasmama Registered User

    Oct 24, 2015
    44
    Why? Why? I can't get that out of my head. So many whys. Why did it take a car accident to nearly kill him to get the diagnosis he so desperately needed but he died a week later anyway? Why did he have to wait til the 20 mins we left him for to die? Why do I think it's my fault for not pushing a diagnosis sooner, he wouldn't have been driving then would he? Then we wouldn't be here now

    I can't sleep. I can't my Dad out of my head. Are they looking after him? I don't even know where he is, I know he's in the chapel of rest but I don't even know where at the hospital that is


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  6. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Ameliasmama, first of all please accept my condolences. This is a very tough time for you and 'why's' torment many, many people.

    Your dear Dad died at a time when it was HIS time-he possibly decided to go on his final journey when you weren't there. His choice.

    From my experience all involved look after a person after they have passed. From Hospital staff/carers/funeral directors and Coroners. When my Husband passed I asked a lady at the Coroner's office how could she do such a job. She told me that everyone deserved respect when they were alive and that didn't change when they died.

    Phone the Hospital and ask to be put through to the Chapel of Rest; there will be someone there who I hope will reassure you that your Dad is indeed being looked after.

    So sorry my lovely

    Lyn T XX
     
  7. Ameliasmama

    Ameliasmama Registered User

    Oct 24, 2015
    44
    My Dad's death has been referred to the coroner. Nobody can say exactly why he died at the moment which is hard to deal with. I know my Dad had a few conditions which could have potentially killed him, which one it was though I have no idea. I had a brief chat with the coroner's office this morning, the coroner has raised questions as to why he was transferred from a hospital which he was making improvements in to another hospital where he died. A case worker wants to speak to us, me and my mum next week.

    I didn't expect to get so angry so fast. I knew my Dad was dying. It became glaringly obvious after Christmas Day had passed he'd given up.

    Grief is a strange thing, I'm feeling nothing I thought I would. I can go from laughing to crying in a split second.


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  8. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Grief us a terrible thing. The coroner wants a post mortem because you dads life mattered. Look at it this way and it helps. Let yourself feel whatever you need to for as long as you need to. Im so very sorry for your terrible loss. We will all be here for you so keep posting.
     
  9. Ameliasmama

    Ameliasmama Registered User

    Oct 24, 2015
    44
    #9 Ameliasmama, Jan 3, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2016
    Further to my previous post, we now know there is going to be an inquest into my Dad's death as questions are being raised as to why he was transferred from one hospital to another as it would appear the care plan was totally different at the 2 hospitals.

    It's funny what grief does to you, I read the stages of grief and this news flipped me straight into anger mode. I had questions already, this has just fuelled them and added more. I know nothing is going to bring my Dad back, and whilst I miss him that much it physically hurts I'm glad he is at peace now and not being messed with anymore.

    I have to return to the hospital where he died tomorrow. I've even been avoiding driving near it, going a different route so I don't have to see it. But tomorrow it's not just the hospital, but the exact ward. I'm really not looking forward to it, but it's something I have to do.

    I've no idea why but my Dad's consultant wants to see us. I don't see what he can tell me what I don't already know, he's dead and a post mortem is going to find out why. I don't want to get angry in there, but there's so many things they f****d up on its going to be hard. Why did I have to watch my Dad choke when a nurse repeatedly attempted to get him to swallow a tablet with water when he clearly couldn't, in what turned out to be 2 hours before his death? Why after that was he put through the agony of being changed, clothing, pad, bedsheets 15 mins after this when me and my Mum left him to get a coffee? Why wait til we'd gone to do that? Probably cos I'd have told them to leave him alone, he was peaceful! After it taking a few minutes for him to settle after nearly choking to his death :( I never saw my Dad conscious after he was changed and he most certainly didn't get the dignified death he wanted. They didn't even bother to lie him or at least attempt to make him look comfortable. A nurse broke the news and we had to walk back into the 10 bed bay my Dad was in, the curtains were drawn round his bed. When I went to see him he was at a funny angle in the bed, too many pillows meant his head was flopped to the side jaw open, utterly lifeless. Why did I have to make my Dad comfortable at the start of his final rest? I dread to think what they've done to him since. I torture myself daily that what if they've got it wrong, he wasn't even dead, even though I know he is.

    They also lost one of our now prized possessions. 77 or not my Dad had a teddy bear, William. William was by my Dad's side everyday he was in hospital. He spoke to this bear with such love, as if he knew his speech was impaired but it didn't matter William still listened. When they gave us my Dad's belongings he night he died, William wasn't there. So I need to go to get him back. But I so don't want to. Not alone, at least. I'm worrying now about affecting the inquest, and don't want to hear something I don't like. Or be blatantly lied to again which seems par for the course.




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  10. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    I hope you get some answers. Keep posting. We are all here for you.
     
  11. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,728
    Yorkshire
    Hi Ameliasmama
    I too hope you get the information you need to gain some peace of mind

    I find it hard to speak coherently when I am upset - I just wonder if you might print out your post and show it to the consultant so he knows your concerns and your state of mind - your post is honest and lucid and eloquent, there's nothing there to offend

    best wishes
     
  12. Ameliasmama

    Ameliasmama Registered User

    Oct 24, 2015
    44
    I've been writing things down as I think of them. I always have my iPad with me so it's all on there so I'm going to take it with me.

    My mum's dropped another bombshell on me tonight, the money simply isn't there for his funeral. He had no savings etc, received state pension and as my mum was his full time carer all she gets, well got was Carer's Allowance. What a mess this is. He apparently tried to get life insurance a few years back, but because of the prostate cancer treatment he was undergoing he couldn't afford the premiums :(


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  13. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    I am so sorry you have to go through so much pain and upset over your dads death. I hope things get easier very soon. As for paying for the funeral I too am going through the exact same thing. My dad did have a life insurance policy but only for £980 which will not begin to cover it. His funeral is tomorrow and we'll just have to go from there.

    The funeral director did tell us that if my mother was in receipt of benefit (which she isnt) then the benefit department would cover 60% of the funeral costs. Possibly the carers allowance you mother received would count. Phone the dwp as soon as you can.
     

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