So, here we are.

[LadyA]

On the days when I am invisible but actually feel alive, I'll say " Woo Hoo The Diet is working. I'm so slim no one can see me"
Then on the other invisible days it's "See no one notices me. I told you so".

Even, dressed as I am today in scarlet jeans and a white and navy striped top, I'm invisible. Perhaps only I can see the Scarlet and everyone else ignores the Grey?

Hmmmm.....

Scarlet jeans, Maureen - now there's a thought! All I have are boring old denim or black! Oh, and one pair of fadey, dusty pink.
Hmm. Scarlet jeans.
You've cheered me up no end!

 

[Saffie]

I used to have a pair of yellow denim jeans when I was in my fifties. I loved them and would wear them now if I could only get into them!

 

[Lavender45]

Lady A I hope to make you smile.

My friend did the opposite to you when we were at school. We were crossing the road to catch the bus. There was a roundabout just a little way down from where we needed to cross and traffic was queued up waiting to go around it. J didn't notice the cars and walked right into the side of one. The drivers face was a picture. She never said a word, just walked around the car and carried on. She always was accident prone.

There was another occasion coming home from school when she was standing at the bus doors as we slowed up to our bus stop. The driver opened the doors too early and out she fell whilst we were still moving. The driver didn't even stop to check she was ok (she was). Poor J there was always something about her and transport!

 

[LadyA]

I've got a love/hate relationship with my clothes. I look at them all, and some I really like, but I think back to when I was in my 20s, and I had a very small wardrobe, with not many clothes, but I had enough. So, why, now, do I have a bulging wardrobe, and can't find anything to wear?? I cull regularly. But obviously, not regularly enough! I have a couple of "going out" dresses, for occasions, which hardly ever get worn, but still, you do need something for occasions, don't you? And they are pretty classic, elegant, lace shift dresses. I've got a few skirts, which I admit, hardly ever see the light of day. But they do, now and again. But maybe I should cull some of those. Two pairs denim jeans, 1 pair dressy black jeans, 1 dressy black trousers (funerals), what seems like an awful lot of tops! and cardis. Can't have too many cardis, given our climate, can you?

But there are a few tops that haven't been worn at all this year, so they will be going. And I sadly, given my recent diagnosis of arthritis and "extremely severe" osteoporosis, said goodbye to my six inch heels, which I've really only worn a couple of times. I kept my others, which are slightly lower, and have a strap so are easier to walk in!

But yes, another cull coming on, I think. And some nice scarlet jeans.

 

[LadyA]

Two years tomorrow since William died, which means it's two years today since I saw him last, as he died very early in the morning.

Last year, his anniversary was hard. Of course it was. I knew it would be. I wasn't really expecting his anniversary this year to be even harder. But it is. I think maybe my old neighbour is right. It sinks in, in the second year, that he is really gone for ever.

I went to the cemetery this afternoon because I'm tied up all day tomorrow. Cleared the weeds off his grave and gave him a big, colourful bouquet. The lavender I had planted on his birthday is in bloom, and the little thyme plants are doing well. I bought myself a big bouquet of yellow and white roses and purple iris.

And I'm going to ignore all that needs to be done, and eat junk and read a magazine for the evening!! It's absolutely sheeting rain outside!!

I'm back at work tomorrow after a few weeks laid off because my client was in hospital. It's only four hours a week, but as my roof needs repair and it's going to cost around €1,000, I'll be glad of the money! Just wish it wasn't tomorrow though!

 

[MollyD]

LadyA, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Gosh, two years isn't long at all yet you are constantly giving others advice and support.

I can understand how time just drives the reality home deeper, less mind illusions that someone can come back or hasn't really gone.

I'm still counting in months. Mum died tomorrow 4 months ago. I hope their wings are spreading wide.

Sending a hug, enjoy your feast of junk this evening.x

 

[Beate]

(((hugs)))

 

[Loopiloo]

I have heard others say they found the second anniversary harder than the first. I am still feeling the effect of the first anniversary which was 19th June.

It was not as hard as I anticipated mainly because one of my grandsons unexpectedly appeared with his daughter, almost 4 years of age, carrying flowers and said he had come to visit Grandad. He lives an hour’s drive from here. It turned out to be a very different day from I expected….

But since that day just over 7 weeks ago it has been harder. I think your neighbour is right when she said it is the second year it sinks in that he has really gone forever. Difficult to put into words what the difference is, but it is different. The void, the emptiness is deeper, the missing him, the nothingness. The pain.

Perhaps the first year we are still too close to the death, the funeral, the shock. But as everyday life goes by and the rawness and shock ease, the reality of the forever-ness becomes clearer.

Your visit to William’s grave sounded nice, and I hope your day is a peaceful one of good memories.

Thinking of you

Loo xxx

 

[LadyA]

That's it, exactly, Loo. The forever-ness.

William's grave is in a lovely spot. The cemetery is right in town, but inside the gate there's a long, tree lined avenue, and the trees meet overhead. Then the graveyard opens up, and has lots of trees in the old part. William is buried beside an old stone wall, and there's always lots of birds around. It's a very pleasant place. For a graveyard.

 

[margherita]

I wish you serenity in the awareness of what you call forever-ness

 

[LadyA]

I wish you serenity in the awareness of what you call forever-ness

Thank you Margherita.

 

[Saffie]

Thinking of you tomorrow Lady A.
I don't think it will ever get easier but hopefully we will find a way of handling it better.

 

[LadyA]

Thinking of you tomorrow Lady A.
I don't think it will ever get easier but hopefully we will find a way of handling it better.

I do hope so, Saffie. I really do.

 

[HillyBilly]

I'll give you a big hug in person when we meet in September but for now a virtual one will have to do x

 

[cragmaid]

I think.... although thank God as yet I don't know, that it does eventually get easier with time........ sadly there is no time limit though. Grief does not carry a watch or read a calendar.
I know it's scant comfort... but logic says that if you grieve the loss of someone you loved you should also be glad that you once had someone to love.... x x x

 

[Frank68]

Just a hug...

Hi Lady A.. Glad you have received so many responses, and glad to add mine as you have been very kind to respond to my distress (and the distress of many others)in the past.
so here is a BIG HUG xx

Frank

 

[LadyA]

Hi Lady A.. Glad you have received so many responses, and glad to add mine as you have been very kind to respond to my distress (and the distress of many others)in the past.
so here is a BIG HUG xx

Frank

Thank you Frank.

 

[Izzy]

I'm almost a year behind you LadyA. Bill's funeral was a year ago this coming Tuesday. I was up at the grave on Monday which was a year to the day since he died. I've been thinking too about that being the last time I saw him. I got through the first anniversary with the help of good friends. I think I'm now feeling that forever-ness that Loo described.

Thinking of you LadyA and Loo as well. x

 

[Grannie G]

Thinking of you tomorrow Lady A.

 

[Aisling]

Thank you Frank.

Sending you a huge hug Lady A. I haven't the skill to put a picture in post for you but will try to paint a picture with words. Early morning the evening star now becomes the morning star. A sign of hope ( Hesperus) we may have a soft Irish mist or pelting rain but the Star is always there. May the peace of our Universe be with you and may you feel William's lovely presence in this image.

Aisling xxx