1. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    There are some really sick people in the world, LadyA. How dare this person take it upon himself to torment you in this way and William for so many years before. Perhaps it would be better in a way if he does try to contact you again so that the police can be involved and he can be punished in the way he deserves. Am so pleased you have blocked everything you can.
     
  2. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Just keep in your heart William , your photo, his artwork and your good memories.
    Awful pathetic people with nothing better to do deserve none of your time nor energy wasted on them xxxx
     
  3. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,585
    So sorry to hear about this.
    Don't let it wear you down, you're fragile and vulnerable at this time in your life.

    Don't let him be part of the story, stay strong. x
     
  4. pony-mad

    pony-mad Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    1,073
    Mid-Wales
    There are indeed some horrible people in this world!!! Sometimes it's hard for goodness and positivity to out-shine those dark clouds. Try to get angry; even if it is standing on top of a hill and screaming!!!
    On a practical level, I rang a friend yesterday and had to identify myself as she had a call guard on her line which only allows known numbers to ring through. I will find out about it if you like?
    Stay strong x


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  5. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    I might enquire about that here - although as all of William's family are overseas, it would block them all too!
     
  6. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,779
    Female
    London
    Not necessarily. I have a do not disturb function on my phone that allows only programmed numbers to ring. It works for international numbers but you need to have caller display. It's a bit elaborate just to keep one person out but as an added bonus you'll never be plagued by sales callers ever again!
     
  7. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,239
    Cotswolds
    How horrible!! I can't add to others' good ideas but I just wanted to send you a big (((hug))) Lady A :)

    Do whatever you can to bar the toe-rag, then call the police if he should somehow penetrate the defences.

    Sending you good vibes and a peaceful sleep.

    Love, Lindy xxx
     
  8. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    I did sleep well, considering. Have a full day today, running my mum around! And although I expected to wake with a headache, what with all the stress and crying yesterday, and the fact that it's thundery showers this morning - oh! as I just glanced up, there's the most fabulous rainbow right outside my window!:) Even while the rain is teeming down! - but I don't have a headache! I'm fine. And William's son in law says a plan is kind of formulating in his mind. He's a lovely guy - reminds me a lot of William, but is quieter - not nearly so exhuberant. In her brief outline of her dad's life that she's doing for the Memorial Service, one of his daughters wrote "Dad never knew a stranger." - which is William exactly. He loved people, and meeting new people, and was always the first to greet anyone new in church or at meetings or anywhere. And invite them home! I remember one Sunday we came home from Church, and he sat in his armchair, and I was pottering around the kitchen making our lunch, when there was a knock on the door. There stood five young men. Strangers to me - but suddenly William was bounding out of the chair like he'd been shot! One of the young men was explaining to me "Sorry - we missed you leaving the church. Your husband invited us for lunch - I hope that's ok.":eek: William had completely forgotten he had invited them!
    But I very quickly flung a couple of tins of tomatoes, more garlic, and some flour in the (thank goodness!) pasta sauce I was cooking, put on some frozen veg, and opened jars of bottled apples to make apple crumble - so it was fine. And poor William was so thrilled that it was ok, and he wasn't in trouble, and his lunch invite wasn't a disaster.
     
  9. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,736
    North East Lincs
    So good to hear such fond memories of William: he sounds some man! Hope your day goes well!
     
  10. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,706
    North West
    You bring back some memories for me with this post Lady A. My father was a minister and I remember that when I was a kid my dad would invite all sorts of waifs, strays, scroungers and damaged people into our home, sometimes for Sunday lunch. Many of them were perfectly pleasant and grateful, but I can vividly recall some who weren't. The most dramatic example was a guy who turned up at our door, blind drunk on methylated spirits (his favoured tipple), for Christmas dinner. Even my dad wasn't having that and, though he was a life-long pacifist, managed to throw him out. There was a fair bit of commotion for a while but then he drifted away. As you may imagine, it cast a bit of a shadow over the festivities.

    I hope William didn't have to deal with any such characters.
     
  11. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    He didn't like people drinking at all - his father and grandfather were both alcoholics, and he grew up under the cloud of that. He never drank himelf, he felt that perhaps there was a genetic tendency to alcholism. But yes - your father sounds exactly like him. He must have been an excellent Minister!
     
  12. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,706
    North West
    Yes my dad was teetotal as well. On one occasion, he found a drunk slumped on the ground and helped him home. The drunk insisted, quite forcefully, that dad should drink a tot of whisky as a thank you before leaving. Dad resisted but eventually gave in. He said he knew then that he hadn't been missing much all his life!

    I think he was an excellent minister, yes. And a very good, if very busy and often pre-occupied, dad.
     
  13. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    #93 truth24, Aug 28, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2015
    William sounds as though he was an amazing man, LadyA, and how tolerant were you and and Stanley's mum. Have often thought it takes a special person to be a Church Minister's wife. I am so pleased that your stepson has as plan forming which will hopefully get rid of the scumbag for ever. WillIam's family sound as lovely as him and how good that they are there for you too.xx
     
  14. helenm250

    helenm250 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2015
    9
    My mum cared for my father for seven long years ( he had psp). I have literally no idea how she managed and my respect for her is boundless.

    After dad died, mum was utterly exhausted. She then assisted dad's sister in caring for her husband (mnd). To some extent this kind of put mum's grieving to one side, but it exhausted her even further.

    After my uncle died, mum was hit very hard by the loss of dad. It probably took six months before she stopped looking like a wraith. It took her two years before she truly re-entered the world, began to wear colourful clothes (which she loves) and really began to look forward. The huge hole where her husband used to be had started to feel less boundless.

    Five years after dad died, mum has managed to build a new life, and is, I believe, very happy. She's off to Aus in November, to see her 87 yr old sister(who has dementia!)....but the point is that she's taking the trip, with a friend who has two sisters there, and going for a month. And they're going to have a ball!

    My mother in law, (who has dementia and is my reason for joining this forum) has, in contrast, mourned her husband for 18 years and has had little life in that time.

    So I think it's a question of taking your time, being VERY kind to yourself, and allowing yourself whatever time YOU need. There are no rules.

    And don't beat yourself up if you catch yourself laughing or feeling happy. Think about what you would want for William if it were you who had died. Of course you would anticipate that he would mourn......but I suspect that you would want him to feel he had your permission and encouragement to move slowly and surely back into the light. And I'm certain he'd want that for you.

    I'm very sorry for your loss.

    Helen x
     
  15. reddollyfood

    reddollyfood Registered User

    Apr 28, 2015
    36
    That's such a lovely photo! It must be awful for you when people just don't understand. I take loads of photos of my husband and me. He is in a nursing home and is relatively young - 68 when he first went there and I'm a few years younger than him. I was so shocked that people who knew us both so well told me that I could now get on with my life - didn't they realise that he was/is my life and now I live here all alone! I just think about all the lovely times we had in the last 45 years together and it helps a lot. I hope you have lovely memories to keep you strong too.
     
  16. LucyCW

    LucyCW Registered User

    Feb 25, 2015
    9
    Rainham Kent
    Lovely picture

    I've just stumbled on your post & not read all the pages as I'm to sad myself at the moment.
    I lost my own beloved, (thankfully before he developed the dementia he was terrified off)
    7.6 years ago while we where planning our wedding after 20 tears together. Like you & William, Tony was older than me (19 years) and many assumed I would be relieved.
    Relieved that the man I loved so much was out of pain & fear, Yes. Relieved to have lost the person who made me whole - never. I miss him each day in the small things, but I have my memories of us. I care now for my widowed bil who has dementia and yes I'm glad Tony never lived with/through this for his sake. But I wish we'd had longer and I'd have done whatever I needed to.
    I can't honestly say the grieving gets easier, it does change and you do get better at accepting that others don't understand Your grief. Please know that all though I don't know you or William I will think of you and wish you peace and joy in your memories.
     
  17. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    Thank you Lucy.
     
  18. LucyCW

    LucyCW Registered User

    Feb 25, 2015
    9
    Rainham Kent
    You're very welcome, take care :)
     
  19. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    Well, in spite of it being a very tearful day, when I didn't even want to go as far as the garden, I'm now sitting, relaxing with a Louis Armstrong cd.
    That horrid email has affected me more than I should let it. I'm hardly able to eat, and not sleeping well, and have been having almost panic attacks. The advice I've had was to keep a copy of the email, not respond to it, but if I hear from them again, go to the police. Doubtful if they can do anything, but hopefully word would filter back that I had reported them, and that might stop them.

    Meanwhile, today I took my mind off it by cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the fridge (badly needed!) and cleaning the chicken house. Then I went to town and put fresh flowers on William's grave. I watered the polytunnel, washed my hair and had a bath and have been sitting with a book for a while.
     
  20. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    Oh, here is William's painting that he did in an Art Class for the elderly some years ago. He went one morning a week for four weeks, which gave me a break. I had it framed professionally - it had been glued to black paper and nailed to the wall, and then rolled up in a cupboard for a couple of years!
     

    Attached Files:

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.