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So, here we are.

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,630
Ireland
Am sorry to read of your earlier years and so pleased you found the 'real' William. Think I am guilty too of perhaps remembering only Fred's 'good' side and putting some of our character differences aside. But, as you, we loved each other deeply despite our faults, and hopefully somewhere inside, he still does. xx
Not "guilty" Verity - it's the best thing to do. My wedding ring is engraved on the outside with 1 Corinthians 13:4 and on the inside with the beginning of that passage - "Love is patient, love is kind". But that passage does also say "it keeps no record of wrongs" and finishes "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." And if all of us haven't done all that for our dear ones, what have we done? So no, I wouldn't put it that you are "guilty" of remembering only Fred's good side - I would say that you have "kept no record of wrongs". xx
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,600
Merseyside
Not "guilty" Verity - it's the best thing to do. My wedding ring is engraved on the outside with 1 Corinthians 13:4 and on the inside with the beginning of that passage - "Love is patient, love is kind". But that passage does also say "it keeps no record of wrongs" and finishes "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." And if all of us haven't done all that for our dear ones, what have we done? So no, I wouldn't put it that you are "guilty" of remembering only Fred's good side - I would say that you have "kept no record of wrongs". xx
I love that verse & I totally agree :)
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,761
Kent
- "Love is patient, love is kind". But that passage does also say "it keeps no record of wrongs" and finishes "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." And if all of us haven't done all that for our dear ones, what have we done?
Excellent.
 

jimbo 111

Registered User
Jan 23, 2009
5,080
North Bucks
No sadder than anyone else who has lost their husband/wife theunknown. My daughter is wonderful - but she is young and has her own young, strong husband. My mother is also great - but she is elderly & getting frail and lost her own husband, my dad, years ago. So she understands, but no - William was the only one who, even in his dementia, right to the day he died, lit up when he saw me. He didn't know my name - but he knew me. Which is all the more lovely, because I was his second wife - his first wife died 25 years ago!
Lovely picture Lady A

You could almost feel the eye contact
My late sister in law ,in her late stages of AD , used to welcome me with a huge smile
but a look in her eyes that always said
I know you ,but I don't know who you are

jimbo
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,630
Ireland
What a busy day it's been!
I woke early so went for a walk on the treadmill before breakfast. A gentle 20 minutes, because of my painful knee, but I just felt I had to get back to getting some exercise! Then I was working this morning, had a sandwich with mum afterwards while sorting some paperwork for her via a phone call to a Govt office. She wouldn't phone because she said it would just be "press this, press that" and you can't explain what you want! Then I had an appointment with my doctor about the knee. She sent me for Xrays to rule other things out, but is pretty sure that it's just patellofemoral pain syndrome, caused it's thought by the way the kneecap moves against the femur groove, or something. Exercises to be done, but no jumping, running or anything that puts stress on the joint. And ibuprofen gel.
I'm feeling my early morning! Yawn!
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,959
Brixham Devon
Busy indeed! Sorry your knee is so painful. Does that mean you won't be able to use the treadmill anymore?-or is the walking a good thing?

Try to have an early night?

Love

Lyn T XX
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,630
Ireland
As long as I go gently, no running or whumping along at my normal pace for the moment! So I tootled along at a gentle 5kph rather than my usual 6.5. But at least it was something! And at least I am reassured that I am not facing knee replacement surgery! Doc says as far as she can see, the cartilege and joint appear ok.

I was talking to her about William, and the progression of his dementia, and mentioned to her what I was saying here earlier. This thing of the insidious creeping of behavioural changes that started many years before anything that looked definitively like dementia came along - the controlling behaviour, the bullying, the paranoia, gradually increasing over the years until it wasn't funny anymore. And this "psychic vampire" thing. All of which were there for several years before we knew he had dementia. She knew exactly what I was talking about - and she was very interested. She said "This is where us medics need to be getting more aware and getting more on board and listening to what people like you are telling us. Because while there is that thing of when and where do you draw a line between signs of illness and plain behaviour issues - the earlier dementia can be seen, the greater the chance that the progression can be delayed. And if behaviour changes like this might be being caused by say, pre-dementia, or dementia so early that it couldn't be diagnosed at all yet - then we need to be taking note." :) She did say thought that when behavioural changes are so very gradual, it can be really hard to see them except with hindsight - and she also said that you would wonder how many relationships just break down under those behavioural changes, so that we will never see a pattern of reporting of these kind of changes that come so early, because there is no-one there with the person all the time. They are left to it.

I am feeling very tired after my early start this morning and my busy day - but also feeling very accomplished! I invested in a new wireless printer, which will also scan and copy. And this evening, I have managed to do the set up and installation myself! Tired as I am, I sat there having to read some instructions over and over, going "Wha?" before I managed bits - but I did it! I had been thinking about getting one, because it's a right pain, and can be expensive, to have to go to town and pay everytime I need stuff copied! Especially if it's colour stuff. And now, one of William's daughters wants some of the photographs that my dau used on the poster sheets she made to display at the funeral reception - his dau wants to do the same at the Memorial Service. I don't want to send her the actual photos, as I doubt I'd get them back! So I thought I can scan them and email them to her! :)
 
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Kjn

Registered User
Jul 27, 2013
5,833
Good the dr listened , we need more listening and learning from you carers.

Well done setting up the printer , scanning and emailing pics a good idea , even saving pics to file the. You have them secure also :D
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,761
Kent
Interesting.

I experienced behavioural changes in Dhiren at least six years before diagnosis. I thought we were spending too much time together, or he was becoming a grumpy old man or our marriage was coming to an end. Everything except dementia, even though I`d experienced it with both parents and a neighbour.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,630
Ireland
Interesting.

I experienced behavioural changes in Dhiren at least six years before diagnosis. I thought we were spending too much time together, or he was becoming a grumpy old man or our marriage was coming to an end. Everything except dementia, even though I`d experienced it with both parents and a neighbour.
Yeah. William and I were married 21 years. We just had a couple of good years at the beginning and a couple of good years at the end, maybe 3, after he was put on anti psychotics. So out of 21 years, maybe five, maximum six, not made pretty awful by his behaviour - and I suppose, my unknowing response to his behavior. But even if I had known, given that there was, in effect, nothing wrong with him, could I have responded differently?
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,630
Ireland
I've had a very nice morning! Which just goes to show - don't dismiss things, because you just might enjoy them, and they might give you a lift!
I was invited by a Facebook friend to an Oriflame Cosmetics & Skincare introduction, information and skincare routine masterclass! She is just setting up as a consultant so I thought I would go to support her, as I know she a young mum and she and her husband's business failed last year. Oriflame's regional manager did the meeting etc. There were only about 8 of us - but it was a lovely morning. I've always been fanatic about skincare anyway and it was lovely to get to try new products, and just sit in front of a mirror with nothing else to do but take time massaging serum and moisturiser in! I'm a fan of Oriflame anyway, but I have to say, with the extra time on it this morning, my skin does feel and look better for the pampering!
 

Grey Lad

Registered User
Sep 12, 2014
5,736
North East Lincs
I've had a very nice morning! Which just goes to show - don't dismiss things, because you just might enjoy them, and they might give you a lift!
I was invited by a Facebook friend to an Oriflame Cosmetics & Skincare introduction, information and skincare routine masterclass! She is just setting up as a consultant so I thought I would go to support her, as I know she a young mum and she and her husband's business failed last year. Oriflame's regional manager did the meeting etc. There were only about 8 of us - but it was a lovely morning. I've always been fanatic about skincare anyway and it was lovely to get to try new products, and just sit in front of a mirror with nothing else to do but take time massaging serum and moisturiser in! I'm a fan of Oriflame anyway, but I have to say, with the extra time on it this morning, my skin does feel and look better for the pampering!
Glad you enjoyed your pampering LadyA.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,600
Merseyside
I've had a very nice morning! Which just goes to show - don't dismiss things, because you just might enjoy them, and they might give you a lift!
I was invited by a Facebook friend to an Oriflame Cosmetics & Skincare introduction, information and skincare routine masterclass! She is just setting up as a consultant so I thought I would go to support her, as I know she a young mum and she and her husband's business failed last year. Oriflame's regional manager did the meeting etc. There were only about 8 of us - but it was a lovely morning. I've always been fanatic about skincare anyway and it was lovely to get to try new products, and just sit in front of a mirror with nothing else to do but take time massaging serum and moisturiser in! I'm a fan of Oriflame anyway, but I have to say, with the extra time on it this morning, my skin does feel and look better for the pampering!
Glad you've had a lovely pamper session:)
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
That sounds great. You've remInded me to ring or local spa and book treatments with the vouchers my family gave me for my birthday in April. Would hate them to go out of date.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,630
Ireland
The "acknowledgement " appears in the local newspapers today - the piece I put in, with a photo of William, thanking all who helped care for him, helped with the funeral, attended the funeral etc.
I keep going back to it, looking at it, reading over it in the newspaper - and I just can't believe that it's talking about MY William's death and funeral. Even though I wrote it myself. Because I know it's really happened, but still I think that surely things will go back to normal soon, and everything will be ok.
 

CeliaW

Registered User
Jan 29, 2009
5,643
Hampshire
Oh LadyA, it's hard to accept things sometimes isn't it? It's a "surely that can't have happened" type world because everything seems to be going as normal EXCEPT your William isn't there - it's unreal. It's how I feel about my Mum and how I am sure many people feel when they have lost a loved one.
I hope it gets easier.

Big hugs xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,761
Kent
Events and happenings keep coming to remind you it`s real don`t they Lady A. It must have been a shock seeing the Acknowledgement in Black and White.

I do think some of us , although knowing our better halves have died, carry on feeling they are still with us, especially if they have been in residential care for a while.

I still feel the presence of Dhiren in our home. I wonder if it`s why I feel safer here.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,630
Ireland
Events and happenings keep coming to remind you it`s real don`t they Lady A. It must have been a shock seeing the Acknowledgement in Black and White.

I do think some of us , although knowing our better halves have died, carry on feeling they are still with us, especially if they have been in residential care for a while.

I still feel the presence of Dhiren in our home. I wonder if it`s why I feel safer here.
I think that's part of the problem Grannie G- it's easy to get through day by day, allowing myself to feel that he's still in the nursing home, and I'll be going in to see him "soon" - just not today. And yes, at home, every tree and shrub that's on our half acre was planted by William. Our house, quite literally, stood in an empty field when we bought it.
 

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