Oh, it wasn't all good, not by a long chalk!
No it wasn't all good. I'm sure you had a very difficult time when the dementia was first surfacing and also even before you had any idea dementia was developing . Then through the early middle and later stages too. What was so fortunate for me , and I hope for you, is the later stages when insight faded and the nature of the man resurfaced.
The last four years of Dhiren's life were the best after almost fifteen years of conflict.
That's it exactly - William's real personality came shining through in the last couple of years of his illness. He was finally diagnosed in 2008, but I had known for a few years already that he had dementia. But to be honest, most of our marriage was spent with him getting increasingly difficult - that sneaking increase in controlling bullying behaviour, in paranoia etc. And the trouble was William had always had a tendency to paranoia - it was a bit of a joke in his family. He used to cover it by making a joke of it himself. But the jokes wore thin. For years he made our lives miserable - and yet we couldn't put our finger on what it was! couldn't explain it, because he wasn't DOING anything! It was just the controlling, suspicious atmosphere he carried. A tutor I studied with - a dementia specialist - when I talked to her about it said people like that are referred to as "psychic vampires ". They affect the atmosphere and emotional wellbeing of the people around them negatively, but they aren't really doing anything!
Only when William's illness progressed to probably the middle /later stage did he sort of relax and let go. So I'm glad we had those final good years. We were married 21 years, and dementia probably impacted to some degree on most of those.
I woke up shortly before 6.30 Cat, and decided rather than lie there for an hour, I'd get up and get back to some exercise, which has gone by the wayside the last few months. So I did 15 minutes on the treadmill - not at my old pace of 6.5km per hour, but at 5.4km per hour, in deference to my bad knee. I'm off to the doctor this afternoon to see what's what with that. I found walking on the treadmill fine though, because it's all on the flat! No hills, no bumpy bits, no steps! Even slight hills I can manage (though I sometimes wish I'd brought a stick or something to lean on going up steep hills!) but steps are agonising, going up is bad enough, but coming down steps is really bad. I have a bad feeling that it's age creeping up! Because not only is my knee bad - but the last couple of nights, I've noticed my ankles very swollen - particularly the left one! My sock was literally dug way into the ankle last night, and below & above the top of the sock was all hard puffed out! I shall be twirling my ankles from now on!
I woke up shortly before 6.30 Cat, and decided rather than lie there for an hour, I'd get up and get back to some exercise, which has gone by the wayside the last few months. So I did 15 minutes on the treadmill - not at my old pace of 6.5km per hour, but at 5.4km per hour, in deference to my bad knee. I'm off to the doctor this afternoon to see what's what with that. I found walking on the treadmill fine though, because it's all on the flat! No hills, no bumpy bits, no steps! Even slight hills I can manage (though I sometimes wish I'd brought a stick or something to lean on going up steep hills!) but steps are agonising, going up is bad enough, but coming down steps is really bad. I have a bad feeling that it's age creeping up! Because not only is my knee bad - but the last couple of nights, I've noticed my ankles very swollen - particularly the left one! My sock was literally dug way into the ankle last night, and below & above the top of the sock was all hard puffed out! I shall be twirling my ankles from now on!