So, here we are.

[Grannie G]

Even though William died a year after Dhiren @Lady A and I remember when, it still doesn't`t seem like three years . Looking ahead seems like an eternity but looking back seems like yesterday.

I bought a pot of yellow lilies this year and one of sunflowers. They brighten my garden as I'm sure they will brighten William`s graveside.

 

[Shedrech]

your flowers sound so jaunty @LadyA sunflowers always seem to be smiling
I hope happy memories surrounded you yesterday, and will continue to bring comfort and smiles

 

[jimbo 111]

What lovely flowers Lady A. Thinking of you.

Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.... Maya Angelou.
what more could you wish for
jimbo

 

[LadyA]

It's just being a weird weekend. Yesterday, Friday, was William's anniversary. But this is the August Bank Holiday weekend here. And he actually died on the Bank Holiday Monday. So although yesterday, 3rd August, was his actual anniversary, it feels like his anniversary is still looming over me on Monday! I feel like I'm in limbo for the weekend. It's not like I'm mooning about, I've been busy. Had to take mum shopping for a new microwave and mow her lawns this morning, and had a batch of courgette relish made (well, finished & sealed in jars, it had to be started yesterday) before that. And now, I have tomato soup cooking, from a glut of tomatoes. But, this thing about Monday, and the knowing that three years ago, I was in the nursing home, waiting for William to die, is there, all the time.
There's a conference on this weekend in the church William & I used to go to. I might go along for some of that. Make a change. And there are meals served!

 

[LadyA]

What a busy time it's been!! Seems at times as if weeks and months are just tumbling along!

I have had my bike repaired and intend getting out when I can. So far, I've only managed to go cycling once! I babysit my grandson fairly regularly. We go to playgrounds, parks, for walks, play indoors, and generally have a high old time of it! He's now 20 months old, and his obsessions are his potty, and trucks, cars, motorbikes, tractors - anything with an engine!! And my chickens - he loves going out to feed the "bokboks"!
Mum is also needing more time. She's staying with me today and overnight, as she had a cataract removed this morning. We're both tired, as she had to be at the hospital by 7 am! As she ages, it seems there is an ever increasing number and variety of clinics and doctors to take her to! Still - could be me some day, eh?!

It seems though that as time goes on, I find myself missing William more. Not the same intensity of new grief, after over three years, obviously, but like something that's settling in for good. I suppose, if you were to try and call it something, it is a sort of gentle, background sorrow. Always there, but not so sharply felt. Except now and then.

Hope everyone is well?

 

[Cat27]

I can’t believe your grandson is 20mths old! Time flies.

 

[2jays]

Finally getting notification of my watched threads. Some, like yours, stopped notifying so I’ve had to tweak

Sorry I missed your post in early August.
It’s coming up to 2 years since mum died and I’m finding it difficult to say the least. It seems to me, the longer she’s not here, the harder it feels for me.

When it’s your life partner it must be so much harder. Hugs xxx

The grandson being 20 months !!

That’s the thing with little people, they don’t stay little for long do they

Out of my 6 little people, 3 of them started school this September. I can’t believe they are old enough, time has rushed by

I guess it’s when the 6th starts school, maybe I will accept I’m not still 21

That won’t stop me behaving like a 12 year old tho

 

[2jays]

1jay n I have been discussing next year holidays

We've got the urge to have an Irish TP meet up again, health permitting

 

[Grannie G]

it is a sort of gentle, background sorrow.

That's just how it is.

 

[Izzy]

Thanks for the update @LadyA. Nice to hear from you.

It seems though that as time goes on, I find myself missing William more. Not the same intensity of new grief, after over three years, obviously, but like something that's settling in for good. I suppose, if you were to try and call it something, it is a sort of gentle, background sorrow. Always there, but not so sharply felt. Except now and then.

I feel the same after 2 years. This describes it beautifully.

 

[LadyA]

I'm laughing (quietly) here! Mum always talks about how little she sleeps, and how early she wakes. She was in bed at 10 last night, and I've only just now heard her stirring, at 8a.m.!

 

[Grannie G]

I'm laughing (quietly) here! Mum always talks about how little she sleeps, and how early she wakes. She was in bed at 10 last night, and I've only just now heard her stirring, at 8a.m.!

It will give you some reassurance for when your mum goes home @LadyA

 

[stanleypj]

I understand 'gentle background sorrow' Lady A. My sorrow is not always gentle, nor is it always in the background. But I suppose it's early days for me as Sue died in March.

 

[Grannie G]

Its very early days for you @stanleypj

 

[LadyA]

I understand 'gentle background sorrow' Lady A. My sorrow is not always gentle, nor is it always in the background. But I suppose it's early days for me as Sue died in March.

Yes, @stanleypj , very early days for you, especially when things were so intense for you for so long. When that all-consuming level of care (even when someone is in residential care) is suddenly gone, and we find ourselves set adrift from responsibility, it takes a long time to recover and adjust.

 

[stanleypj]

Many thanks Sylvia and Lady A.

 

[LadyA]

Life does, indeed, go on, doesn't it? Dau & I (and grandson) took mum out for a necessarily short walk on the seafront where dau lives, which is about 20 minutes away from me, this week. Then we had lunch in a seafront cafe. Mum had a wonderful time. As did we all.
When I called mum to say I'd collect her, and what we were going to do, she said "Oh, that has changed the whole colour of the day!" It must get very dull for her, being housebound so much. So, we will do this more often! Here are grandson and I, having the chats on the way to the cafe.

 

[Grannie G]

Here are grandson and I, having the chats on the way to the cafe.

Doesn't`t time fly @LadyA I remember when he was born and now he's walking on the wall and chatting.
Make the most of the lovely weather. I find it uplifting, especially by the sea.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Life does, indeed, go on, doesn't it? Dau & I (and grandson) took mum out for a necessarily short walk on the seafront where dau lives, which is about 20 minutes away from me, this week. Then we had lunch in a seafront cafe. Mum had a wonderful time. As did we all.
When I called mum to say I'd collect her, and what we were going to do, she said "Oh, that has changed the whole colour of the day!" It must get very dull for her, being housebound so much. So, we will do this more often! Here are grandson and I, having the chats on the way to the cafe. View attachment 60082

Lovely photo.
I remember vividly 5 years ago this week..mum's 80th birthday I phoned early to wish her happy birthday...all the family were seeing her 2 days later for a lunch at their house...spontaneously she invited me to brunch with dementia dad. I ditherered because I didn't want to gategrash just her and dad but she sounded so pleased when I said yes. An hour later I met then both at a garden centre near their home. She told me how much joining them had brightened her otherwise dull days caring for dementia dad and it was lovely. She seemed fine. Spoke to her briefly the next afternoon. We all arrived the following day for her lunch to find she had died shortly after I had spoken to her the day before. Whilst I am writing this the sad memory and tears flood back but I look back and remember her joy at me saying yes ...the lovely last time I saw her and my determination since then to always try to say yes to going out and do things spontaneously...I would have always regretted if I had not said yes to mum. So how lovely for your mum and you and it reminded me of my mum and me on that October morning 5 years ago. Keep doing it.

 

[Lindy50]

Lovely photo.
I remember vividly 5 years ago this week..mum's 80th birthday I phoned early to wish her happy birthday...all the family were seeing her 2 days later for a lunch at their house...spontaneously she invited me to brunch with dementia dad. I ditherered because I didn't want to gategrash just her and dad but she sounded so pleased when I said yes. An hour later I met then both at a garden centre near their home. She told me how much joining them had brightened her otherwise dull days caring for dementia dad and it was lovely. She seemed fine. Spoke to her briefly the next afternoon. We all arrived the following day for her lunch to find she had died shortly after I had spoken to her the day before. Whilst I am writing this the sad memory and tears flood back but I look back and remember her joy at me saying yes ...the lovely last time I saw her and my determination since then to always try to say yes to going out and do things spontaneously...I would have always regretted if I had not said yes to mum. So how lovely for your mum and you and it reminded me of my mum and me on that October morning 5 years ago. Keep doing it.

Omg @love.dad.but.. that brought tears to my eyes .
Don’t know what to say that makes any sense , other than I’ll try to follow your example. Thank you and hugs
Lindy xx